FreeingMyself

In less than 5 minutes, he swooped in and took all the joy, peace, and serenity that I have been feelings and stomped on me and squashed it out. Most people are feeling sad because of being seperated and alone....I was fine....til he showed up and destroyed me with his hateful looks and words. Now I do want to cry! He hates me....and makes that clear everytime he sees me with his glances and angry attitude and words! Why am I even trying to save this........why????? Security...which is false anyway? Fear of being alone??? WHY WHY WHY......

Lucy06

I feel for you. However, try and convince yourself that NOBODY can rob you of your joy. Regain the control. You have the power within you to do it. Be happy and let his negativity be HIS own problem not yours. Nobody can rob you of your joy and serenity because it is YOURS and YOURS only. When my exAH does this (because he wants me to feel as bad as he does), I feel compassion for him and rejoy that I am not feeling the way he does.
Big hugs to you! We are all on the same boat here!!!

pray4joy

I wish I could say something clever or witty. But I can only say I am sorry and I do know how you feel. I have all too often had the same thing happen. Even came close to it tonight!
If you are going to Al-Anon and have a sponsor...this would be a good reason to connect...if not, we are here to listen. Please consider getting some help...books, meetings etc this is awful hard to sort through on your own.

Now breathe, get the peace back, it is yours and belongs to you...feel it even if he tried to take it from you it is still yours...

Close your eyes now see it there. Wish I could help.

FreeingMyself

Lucy06 - I know that I am in control of how I feel....it just hurts when I have worked so hard to get to a place where I am feeling happiness.....and then he comes at me w/ his negativity that I was so unprepared to deal with. I am feeling better now...just had to regroup. Thanks for the kinds words and insight.

TakingCharge999

Protect Yourself from Energy Vampires

mentally, I am like you in that I sense the general vibes of an environment or a speific person and it affects me a lot... I hope you find meditations and visualizations that protect you from such bad vibes. My mom says that when you feel attacked, imagine a golden bubble of protection around you, and think of the mantra "I am" and breathe deeply......hope you find a similar thought you can use with this person or any other.

I also feel I am doing good until I see XABF and feel I'm being kicked on the gut once again but I try to see the anger and sadness as my protection to stay away, stay away, stay away. Feelings move you forward even when it feels you are going backwards.. its a healing and forgiving process.

HUGS!!

Kassie2

I don't know if you are here today and whether what I have to say is helpful. But I think many of us are here because we care deeply about someone who has a problem. A very serious problem that affects every area of their lives and ours being in a relationship with them.

Having said that...I want to acknowledge your intentions for the relationship from the beginning. Just as no one decides to grow up and be addicted to any substance and live a ruined life - no one grows up deciding they will love a person with this problem, live a life of anger, fear, and hopelessness. So be kinder to yourself.

I agree with others that no one can actually rob us of our "joy" or any other feeling just as they cannot "make" us feel anything. We have emotions and reactions period - it is what we decide to do about them that often changes us.

When I first realized that my RAH had a drinking problem and wasn't responding to advice to get help - I also saw my reactions and began to understand something about them. I saw that my initial reactions were normal for an abnormal situation. It is therefore important to validate your reactions in this way before you can take charge of them and redirect them.

The more I understood his illness and the adjustments I was making the more re-evaluated my position and decisions until I could find a healthy balance for me. I didn't like much of what was happening and I couldn't control him but I was able to keep myself in a better place - often sad for the situation that gripped our lives, but relieved to understand that it wasn't b/c of anything I was doing or not doing.

Hope this helps.

MC!

brundle

I'm so sorry. I'm happiest when I have no contact with my AH. It seems each time I have to deal with him or anyone who has had contact with him it throws of my balance somehow. I do tell myself all the time that to expect him to act what I think is 'normal' would just set myself up for hurt. I should also expect to be disappointed just like when we where together.

I think that helps... again I'm sorry... I know it's really hard... I think it gets easier thought...