new hire accuses me of stealing pot
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
new hire accuses me of stealing pot
I recently was hired as a, assistant managing editor of a new publication. Part of my job is to hire writers.
After receiving a resume and writing sample from one potential writer, he sent me an email saying all kinds of crazy stuff about my oldest son stealing pot from his dads friend. My son is 24. He said he needed to back out of the working with me, that he wanted nothing to do with me or anything I was working on and ranted at me and accused me of being “in on it”.
I dont know if my son stole pot from this guys dad or not. It's not outside the realm of possibility but my son hasn't talked to me about it.
Below is my email response to the ranting now ex potential employee, I think I handled it the best way, but I kind of freaked out now. I'll talk to my son when I see him tonight, he's totally honest with me. I see lots of folks here having a really hard time with their addicted kids, but my situation is different.
In my responses, I addressed only what I saw as relevant-that myself and this guy were working toward a professional relationship and that is now over.
Dear XXX
I don't know you and I have no idea what you're talking about, but will tell you that your presumptions and implications make me pretty darn uncomfortable.
I do wish you the best however. Hope your holidays are peaceful.
Best,
transform
Then he sent me another one:
I even met you a couple times. i used to be over there in the garage helping him with stuff, and filling his pockets during the week so he could sit around and play call of duty. we used to get along great. its funny how quick money can come between friends sometimes. i predicted it to our mutual friend many times about him. you can smell it on people like that. Sorry, it couldn't work out with the writing. I really wanted to be a part of the new paper
And responded with this, all though if he emails me again I just wont respond. I also feel I should warn my new boss, in case something else comes up or the situation gets worst. I want him to hear this from me first.
XXX, if you want to be part of this or any other paper, you will have to be much more professional, and sending accusing and attacking emails to a potential employer is not professional.
Seriously. You and I were working toward an agreement for you to write for the paper. Whatever your issues are, they have nothing to do with me. It will serve you to keep your personal issues separate, to develop and maintain professional relationships with potential partners or employers.
Best,
transform
Ew. I was doing pretty good, but just when you think you've got it all figured out...
After receiving a resume and writing sample from one potential writer, he sent me an email saying all kinds of crazy stuff about my oldest son stealing pot from his dads friend. My son is 24. He said he needed to back out of the working with me, that he wanted nothing to do with me or anything I was working on and ranted at me and accused me of being “in on it”.
I dont know if my son stole pot from this guys dad or not. It's not outside the realm of possibility but my son hasn't talked to me about it.
Below is my email response to the ranting now ex potential employee, I think I handled it the best way, but I kind of freaked out now. I'll talk to my son when I see him tonight, he's totally honest with me. I see lots of folks here having a really hard time with their addicted kids, but my situation is different.
In my responses, I addressed only what I saw as relevant-that myself and this guy were working toward a professional relationship and that is now over.
Dear XXX
I don't know you and I have no idea what you're talking about, but will tell you that your presumptions and implications make me pretty darn uncomfortable.
I do wish you the best however. Hope your holidays are peaceful.
Best,
transform
Then he sent me another one:
I even met you a couple times. i used to be over there in the garage helping him with stuff, and filling his pockets during the week so he could sit around and play call of duty. we used to get along great. its funny how quick money can come between friends sometimes. i predicted it to our mutual friend many times about him. you can smell it on people like that. Sorry, it couldn't work out with the writing. I really wanted to be a part of the new paper
And responded with this, all though if he emails me again I just wont respond. I also feel I should warn my new boss, in case something else comes up or the situation gets worst. I want him to hear this from me first.
XXX, if you want to be part of this or any other paper, you will have to be much more professional, and sending accusing and attacking emails to a potential employer is not professional.
Seriously. You and I were working toward an agreement for you to write for the paper. Whatever your issues are, they have nothing to do with me. It will serve you to keep your personal issues separate, to develop and maintain professional relationships with potential partners or employers.
Best,
transform
Ew. I was doing pretty good, but just when you think you've got it all figured out...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
What an inappropriate and unprofessional email to receive from a potential employee!
Wow, that kid really needs to take a business course and learn how to conduct himself during the interview process and in the workplace period.
Yes, I would definitely inform your boss of this. It is outrageous and should be documented. IMO.
Wow, that kid really needs to take a business course and learn how to conduct himself during the interview process and in the workplace period.
Yes, I would definitely inform your boss of this. It is outrageous and should be documented. IMO.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Wow. Thanks. I think I"m recovering from it. My boss will be totally cool and have good advice, I"m sure.
I'm just proud of myself for seperating out the emotion and drama. I think I was able to because of dealing with AH. Not my problem. Back to business.
My goal is to not have my life interrupted by circumstance. yes, it's three days before christmas. Yes, I am behind on my work. yes, my kids are stressing me out, home from school. yes, I still have tiny walkways through boxes in my house. yes, my youngest has issues and won't complete a task without me there by his side, often after 30 minutes of him crying and fighting.
I am working on accepting all of it. Having total acceptance, in the moment, of what is.
I don't have to like or understand it, just accept it.
Then, sort out my boundaries and put them in place kindly. Do what I think is the right thing to do, right way to treat myself and others and then release attachment to outcome.
Next I'll talk to my son and let him know this has happenned. He'll tell me what went down. Quite possibly, he did steal pot from that kid. And under different circumstances, I may have responded differently. But this was work.
Thanks everyone. I feel better tellin ya'll and being supported.
love love love from transform
I'm just proud of myself for seperating out the emotion and drama. I think I was able to because of dealing with AH. Not my problem. Back to business.
My goal is to not have my life interrupted by circumstance. yes, it's three days before christmas. Yes, I am behind on my work. yes, my kids are stressing me out, home from school. yes, I still have tiny walkways through boxes in my house. yes, my youngest has issues and won't complete a task without me there by his side, often after 30 minutes of him crying and fighting.
I am working on accepting all of it. Having total acceptance, in the moment, of what is.
I don't have to like or understand it, just accept it.
Then, sort out my boundaries and put them in place kindly. Do what I think is the right thing to do, right way to treat myself and others and then release attachment to outcome.
Next I'll talk to my son and let him know this has happenned. He'll tell me what went down. Quite possibly, he did steal pot from that kid. And under different circumstances, I may have responded differently. But this was work.
Thanks everyone. I feel better tellin ya'll and being supported.
love love love from transform
Last edited by transformyself; 12-22-2009 at 03:54 PM. Reason: forgot something
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
great post transform, i am at work and already overhearing a very loud party held next to my building... already feeling super stressed about it.
i just need to accept that it is what it is... if it takes not eating for days just to pay for a night in a silent hotel room... i will do it. i need peace....
remember to breathe !!
i just need to accept that it is what it is... if it takes not eating for days just to pay for a night in a silent hotel room... i will do it. i need peace....
remember to breathe !!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Nice work transform!!!
You are applying your recovery to all aspects of your life and that, my friend, is really where sanity meets peace meets health meets prosperity a perfect blend of bliss.
When you can receive this kind of attack (regardless of truth in the story) and detach your emotions from it and handle it with this kind of grace, you know you have come an incredibly long way!!
Very proud of you!!
Alice
You are applying your recovery to all aspects of your life and that, my friend, is really where sanity meets peace meets health meets prosperity a perfect blend of bliss.
When you can receive this kind of attack (regardless of truth in the story) and detach your emotions from it and handle it with this kind of grace, you know you have come an incredibly long way!!
Very proud of you!!
Alice
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Thanks everyone. I really mean it.
I talked to my son. His response did make me uncomfortable, but I think it'll be a good thing. I am the voice of loving reason in his life, myself and his gf. He was raised mostly by myself ( a very young damaged mother with no role models) and his father ( a macho, misogynistic Italian tough guy) and our initial method of "helping" him when he was teen into drugs and trouble was the usual tough love approach.
I know many of you subscribe to this and do not judge you for it, but it didnt work for our family. He went to juvy, he felt utterly abandoned by parents who already weren't helping him. It created more problems than solutions and has taken years to undo the damage to all of us. My ex husband, a drug and treatment therapist, also regrets the way we handled him and he and I began working together for the first time in years to try to help him. Our compassion, acceptance and support created a loving relationship with him that I now feel can't be broken. Finally
I regret the tough love approach with him when he was a young teen and now have developed a relationship with him now that I know is more healthy and helpful. I would never ever call the police on him now or betray him in any way and regret doing it then. He was totally acting out and i was at the end of my rope but now am able to love him, detached. It heals everything and I think is the basis for my ability to do it with AH now.
When I don't agree with my sons actions I tell him, kindly, and tell him I know he can do the right thing. And create a good boundary. I model the type of person I want him to be.
Since adopting this "tactic" with him, have been many situations over the years that were alarming and scary for me, but I practice acceptance and lovingkindness coupled with releasing attachment to outcome. It has been one of the hardest lessons in this lifetime for me, but truly one of hte most rewarding.
He did steal that pot from that kids dad, but has a different story about it. They were partners in it together and the other kid got greedy. I sent him the emails, reiterated that I have nothing to do with this other than what was supposed to be a business relationship and that I hope he finds a way to release his anger towards what used to be his friend. I remember his guy now, he was at my sons house often.
He seemed sad about this, which to me is a wonderful sign. Looking at your own actions in a different light; looking at yourself and being able to admit you've done wrong, forgive yourself and being kind to others even when you haven't in the past is (to me at least) pretty much the key to happiness. Even if you're a drug dealer.
Because he's still my son.
I talked to my son. His response did make me uncomfortable, but I think it'll be a good thing. I am the voice of loving reason in his life, myself and his gf. He was raised mostly by myself ( a very young damaged mother with no role models) and his father ( a macho, misogynistic Italian tough guy) and our initial method of "helping" him when he was teen into drugs and trouble was the usual tough love approach.
I know many of you subscribe to this and do not judge you for it, but it didnt work for our family. He went to juvy, he felt utterly abandoned by parents who already weren't helping him. It created more problems than solutions and has taken years to undo the damage to all of us. My ex husband, a drug and treatment therapist, also regrets the way we handled him and he and I began working together for the first time in years to try to help him. Our compassion, acceptance and support created a loving relationship with him that I now feel can't be broken. Finally
I regret the tough love approach with him when he was a young teen and now have developed a relationship with him now that I know is more healthy and helpful. I would never ever call the police on him now or betray him in any way and regret doing it then. He was totally acting out and i was at the end of my rope but now am able to love him, detached. It heals everything and I think is the basis for my ability to do it with AH now.
When I don't agree with my sons actions I tell him, kindly, and tell him I know he can do the right thing. And create a good boundary. I model the type of person I want him to be.
Since adopting this "tactic" with him, have been many situations over the years that were alarming and scary for me, but I practice acceptance and lovingkindness coupled with releasing attachment to outcome. It has been one of the hardest lessons in this lifetime for me, but truly one of hte most rewarding.
He did steal that pot from that kids dad, but has a different story about it. They were partners in it together and the other kid got greedy. I sent him the emails, reiterated that I have nothing to do with this other than what was supposed to be a business relationship and that I hope he finds a way to release his anger towards what used to be his friend. I remember his guy now, he was at my sons house often.
He seemed sad about this, which to me is a wonderful sign. Looking at your own actions in a different light; looking at yourself and being able to admit you've done wrong, forgive yourself and being kind to others even when you haven't in the past is (to me at least) pretty much the key to happiness. Even if you're a drug dealer.
Because he's still my son.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Because he's still my son.
And this is why you love him and not lord over him. His decisions are his own to take ownership of, but it will never change how you love him.
We know from recovery that he is going to do what he is going to do, but secure in the knowledge that you love him and seeing what recovery has done to open you up to greater things in life, will give him the foundation to walk a better path.
There is no one way for everyone, no right way and no wrong way. There is only what works and what doesn't. It matters not how you keep a healthy bond between you only that you do.
Blessings to you both,
Alice
And this is why you love him and not lord over him. His decisions are his own to take ownership of, but it will never change how you love him.
We know from recovery that he is going to do what he is going to do, but secure in the knowledge that you love him and seeing what recovery has done to open you up to greater things in life, will give him the foundation to walk a better path.
There is no one way for everyone, no right way and no wrong way. There is only what works and what doesn't. It matters not how you keep a healthy bond between you only that you do.
Blessings to you both,
Alice
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