I am so scared
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 51
I am so scared
I have freally finally done it this month. There is no way I can make it to my next Dr. apt. for more drugs. I have been abusing perc's and fentanyl for 6 years. It started with real pain and then I made up so many things, even being diagnosed with major illness. My pain is real but my abuse is out of control. I know I can never take another pain med with out addiction.
I am scared of the real pain I will have with out the meds. I am much more scared about my young kids not understanding and being safe.
My olderst thinks he is perfect and blames other peoples problems on them with no compasion for others, even me. Even a close teenage death DUI, he says he deserved it, he was stupid for driving (My son admitts to have drak befor but not while driving).
I can't leave my husband until I get my life together and can get a job with insurance (for my real medical problems). Insurance companies wont take me because of my health issues and I can't afford it anyway. He is verbally abusive to me and my kids. He also knocks them around and always is threating to beat them up with his fist (in their face). We are going to family counseling -just started. I called the police a few weeks ago on him for hitting my son and not stopping. He does not help me control them or ground them for anything. His answer is hitting them and I won't let him and will stand between them. He says it's my job to do everything (he makes more money than I do and I work from the house). He knows about my addiction and just ignors it. He says he is fine with the way things are.
I don't have enough drugs to last until the boys go back to school from winter break. Then I can put them in after school program and have a sitter stay the nights while my husband is out of town and pray for the best. He has never beat them until last month. IF I go to rehap now, it will cost so much on sitters and I don't have anyone that can babysit during the day. MY husbands travels a lot and wont changes his plans.
Once I get clean, I can get a job durnig the day with insurance for myself. If I leave my husband, two of sons may want to live with him because he lets them do anything they want. He takes most anger out on the oldest. I hate my marriage and my life of additction. I would never hurt myself, I love my kids and they need me. Yes, they need me back as a clean drug free mom.
25 years ago I was a major cocain addict. I could not get away from it, everone I knew and every one in town used. I made it thru school (BA) on coke. After grauduation, I packed my bags and moved 800 miles away and swore never to touch it agian. I got a job and found the right people to make freinds with. It was very hard, I still ran across people that it at clubs and such, but refused. I made it and have never touched it again. I was lucky, I made it.
I can't do it this time by myself. This is way harder and I always have an excuse to take more than what I sould. I started chewing my fentanly 8 months ago instead of wearing the patch as directed. It has total control of me. I always have a excuse to use more, even when I know I am going to short myself until my next apt. Then I suffer in bed for the last few days just taking enough to keep back the realy bad withdrawls, but Ive always made it until my apt. to get more until this time.
How can drugs be so controlling and easy to get? I am so weak for addiction probably to anything.
I have looked into rehap and they all say its a 30 day program. The cost are $10k to 25K. I can borrow the money, not a problem. But I am afraid to tell my kids and afraid to leave them with my husband for that long home alone with them.
He never wanted kids and does not try to be a dad. He told me he agreeded to kids so I would marry him because he did not want to loose me. (I used to be a good catch, had a great job, was a wonderful christian and loved by everyone who met me.) I am 10 years younger and he knew I would always take care of him. I still do take care of him, even when I have to use and short myself on my meds so I can do what he wants.
I barley can get up in the morning sto help get my kids off to school. Then I go back to bed and and cant get out and get moving with out drugs.
I don't know any thing about good rehap places. I don't want to have to go back again because I didn't stay long enough or had the right place. MY children don't deserve to go thu once , never twice.
I need to come clean with my Dr. but I am so scared he will cut me off cold turkey. I really need to wait until my kids are back in school to keep them safe and out of trouble.
I don't know if there are any other options out there to help me get thru this next few weeks. I honestly don't think my Dr. is going to give me extra drugs so I can use and abuse until I feel the time is right for my kids (two weeks).
I know I have done this to myself and I have no control over my addiction. It is only getting worse.
There are illeagal options but I have never done that and am to scared. I don't need to get caught and go to jail and add that on top of my addiction problem. My Dr. has already caught me Dr. shopping and getting meds from other dr.s and promise to cut me off if I do it again. If I could make it to my apt. date, I would get a new supply form him and then check myself in when the kids go back to school. Yes, I should have did this months ago. I feel so alone and scared.
I should have thought of this sooner, do we all say that? Does anyone have any phone numbers or names of rehab places that they feel are good and for a good price. Any advise on what to do now and how do make it for the next few weeks until my kids are back in school? I am honestly past ready to surrender to God, go to rehap (30 days or what ever is needed) and never touch them again.
I will go to meetings after rehap, I know I will need that. I will do what it takes, maybe we all say this , but I really honestly feel that I will do it and stick to it. I m just so scared about the next few weeks that I cant sleep (without using) and can't quit crying.
My kids don't understand and Christmas is getting closer and closer and I am really starting to panick. Sorry this is so long and that I repeated myself so much. I guess I am also just talking to myself as I type. Thank you and thank God there are places like this to be able to express your self and I pray to you. PLEASE to respond. I just want to know someone is listening as well as any much need advise.
I am going to get ready for Sunday school now, I have not been to SS in years. Church is hard enough to get up for and last for an hour sitting. I could not sleep at 4am so I got up and started drinking hoping I could get by with less meds. I have never, honestly ever drank in the morning. I do drink all the time, but I dring way to much. Maybe 5 beers, 5 nights a week. But this shows how desperate I am feeling being so low on meds.
I hope no one can smell the vodka I started drinking at 6am. I thought it would help me calm down from not taking what is left of my much needed drugs.
I will pray for all of you that are suffering and hope you can find PEACE, strengh, the right treatment and answers to help you get clean and your life back as well. I would love to hear from you and any advise is very appreciated. I hope to be the one possible to help and advise others on this site and other places some day.
Thank you and God Bless.
I am scared of the real pain I will have with out the meds. I am much more scared about my young kids not understanding and being safe.
My olderst thinks he is perfect and blames other peoples problems on them with no compasion for others, even me. Even a close teenage death DUI, he says he deserved it, he was stupid for driving (My son admitts to have drak befor but not while driving).
I can't leave my husband until I get my life together and can get a job with insurance (for my real medical problems). Insurance companies wont take me because of my health issues and I can't afford it anyway. He is verbally abusive to me and my kids. He also knocks them around and always is threating to beat them up with his fist (in their face). We are going to family counseling -just started. I called the police a few weeks ago on him for hitting my son and not stopping. He does not help me control them or ground them for anything. His answer is hitting them and I won't let him and will stand between them. He says it's my job to do everything (he makes more money than I do and I work from the house). He knows about my addiction and just ignors it. He says he is fine with the way things are.
I don't have enough drugs to last until the boys go back to school from winter break. Then I can put them in after school program and have a sitter stay the nights while my husband is out of town and pray for the best. He has never beat them until last month. IF I go to rehap now, it will cost so much on sitters and I don't have anyone that can babysit during the day. MY husbands travels a lot and wont changes his plans.
Once I get clean, I can get a job durnig the day with insurance for myself. If I leave my husband, two of sons may want to live with him because he lets them do anything they want. He takes most anger out on the oldest. I hate my marriage and my life of additction. I would never hurt myself, I love my kids and they need me. Yes, they need me back as a clean drug free mom.
25 years ago I was a major cocain addict. I could not get away from it, everone I knew and every one in town used. I made it thru school (BA) on coke. After grauduation, I packed my bags and moved 800 miles away and swore never to touch it agian. I got a job and found the right people to make freinds with. It was very hard, I still ran across people that it at clubs and such, but refused. I made it and have never touched it again. I was lucky, I made it.
I can't do it this time by myself. This is way harder and I always have an excuse to take more than what I sould. I started chewing my fentanly 8 months ago instead of wearing the patch as directed. It has total control of me. I always have a excuse to use more, even when I know I am going to short myself until my next apt. Then I suffer in bed for the last few days just taking enough to keep back the realy bad withdrawls, but Ive always made it until my apt. to get more until this time.
How can drugs be so controlling and easy to get? I am so weak for addiction probably to anything.
I have looked into rehap and they all say its a 30 day program. The cost are $10k to 25K. I can borrow the money, not a problem. But I am afraid to tell my kids and afraid to leave them with my husband for that long home alone with them.
He never wanted kids and does not try to be a dad. He told me he agreeded to kids so I would marry him because he did not want to loose me. (I used to be a good catch, had a great job, was a wonderful christian and loved by everyone who met me.) I am 10 years younger and he knew I would always take care of him. I still do take care of him, even when I have to use and short myself on my meds so I can do what he wants.
I barley can get up in the morning sto help get my kids off to school. Then I go back to bed and and cant get out and get moving with out drugs.
I don't know any thing about good rehap places. I don't want to have to go back again because I didn't stay long enough or had the right place. MY children don't deserve to go thu once , never twice.
I need to come clean with my Dr. but I am so scared he will cut me off cold turkey. I really need to wait until my kids are back in school to keep them safe and out of trouble.
I don't know if there are any other options out there to help me get thru this next few weeks. I honestly don't think my Dr. is going to give me extra drugs so I can use and abuse until I feel the time is right for my kids (two weeks).
I know I have done this to myself and I have no control over my addiction. It is only getting worse.
There are illeagal options but I have never done that and am to scared. I don't need to get caught and go to jail and add that on top of my addiction problem. My Dr. has already caught me Dr. shopping and getting meds from other dr.s and promise to cut me off if I do it again. If I could make it to my apt. date, I would get a new supply form him and then check myself in when the kids go back to school. Yes, I should have did this months ago. I feel so alone and scared.
I should have thought of this sooner, do we all say that? Does anyone have any phone numbers or names of rehab places that they feel are good and for a good price. Any advise on what to do now and how do make it for the next few weeks until my kids are back in school? I am honestly past ready to surrender to God, go to rehap (30 days or what ever is needed) and never touch them again.
I will go to meetings after rehap, I know I will need that. I will do what it takes, maybe we all say this , but I really honestly feel that I will do it and stick to it. I m just so scared about the next few weeks that I cant sleep (without using) and can't quit crying.
My kids don't understand and Christmas is getting closer and closer and I am really starting to panick. Sorry this is so long and that I repeated myself so much. I guess I am also just talking to myself as I type. Thank you and thank God there are places like this to be able to express your self and I pray to you. PLEASE to respond. I just want to know someone is listening as well as any much need advise.
I am going to get ready for Sunday school now, I have not been to SS in years. Church is hard enough to get up for and last for an hour sitting. I could not sleep at 4am so I got up and started drinking hoping I could get by with less meds. I have never, honestly ever drank in the morning. I do drink all the time, but I dring way to much. Maybe 5 beers, 5 nights a week. But this shows how desperate I am feeling being so low on meds.
I hope no one can smell the vodka I started drinking at 6am. I thought it would help me calm down from not taking what is left of my much needed drugs.
I will pray for all of you that are suffering and hope you can find PEACE, strengh, the right treatment and answers to help you get clean and your life back as well. I would love to hear from you and any advise is very appreciated. I hope to be the one possible to help and advise others on this site and other places some day.
Thank you and God Bless.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,367
Hi again Minute
I'm sorry you're facing such a barrage of things at the moment.
First off - for you - I think you need to see your Dr and be totally honest and open about whats going on. It's the first step to getting off the pain meds treadmill.
I also think you should look at your treatment options - have you tried NA or some other support programme? or IOP (outpatient rehab)? Inpatient rehab is not the only option.
With your husband - domestic violence is something noone should have to put up with - especially towards our children.
I hope members more experienced than I in this area will be along, but I wanted to pass on the national Domestic Violence Hotline number, and website for state by state resources.
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-7233
1-800-787-3224 (TTY For The Deaf)
By state:
United States DV Resources by State
There's also some great 'stickies' at the top of both Family and Friends Forums. I really encourage you to read them, minute.
Keep safe and keep posting, ok?
D
I'm sorry you're facing such a barrage of things at the moment.
First off - for you - I think you need to see your Dr and be totally honest and open about whats going on. It's the first step to getting off the pain meds treadmill.
I also think you should look at your treatment options - have you tried NA or some other support programme? or IOP (outpatient rehab)? Inpatient rehab is not the only option.
With your husband - domestic violence is something noone should have to put up with - especially towards our children.
I hope members more experienced than I in this area will be along, but I wanted to pass on the national Domestic Violence Hotline number, and website for state by state resources.
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-7233
1-800-787-3224 (TTY For The Deaf)
By state:
United States DV Resources by State
There's also some great 'stickies' at the top of both Family and Friends Forums. I really encourage you to read them, minute.
Keep safe and keep posting, ok?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 51
Dee74
Well Dee, your totally right and I know it. I am going to call my Doctor first thing in the morning and tell them I have to see him asap. I can't do this any longer and he will hopefully tell me what to do to get the help I need to get clean. I lwt you know how it turns out. I'm so scared.
Thanks for the post. I am so scared!
Thanks for the post. I am so scared!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,367
I know - I was scared when I faced up to my addiction too.
But it felt good to know I had people here who cared - and it really was the best thing I ever did for myself
You're not alone Minute - you're part of the gang here
Please do let us know what happens, ok?
D
But it felt good to know I had people here who cared - and it really was the best thing I ever did for myself
You're not alone Minute - you're part of the gang here
Please do let us know what happens, ok?
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: My world
Posts: 379
Hi Minute!
I am not going to offer that much advise on your situation, because only you know what's best for you and your children. Just know that my heart goes out to you. All I can say is that your first absolute priority is to get clean and sober. For that I wish you good luck and when you get so scared again, come to SR and let people know. You will be able to tackle your other problems much better once you are sober, I promise.
I am not going to offer that much advise on your situation, because only you know what's best for you and your children. Just know that my heart goes out to you. All I can say is that your first absolute priority is to get clean and sober. For that I wish you good luck and when you get so scared again, come to SR and let people know. You will be able to tackle your other problems much better once you are sober, I promise.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Welcome to SR and I look forward to hearing about your visit with your doctor. You can get sober and clean. Many, many people have come from where you are and have done it. I believe you can.
As far as the domestic abuse, I believe you should call the numbers Dee has posted. Its so very serious and I realize you know that or you wouldn't have posted about it.
Get the help you need for yourself my dear and for your kids. Glad you are in family counseling that is a step in the right direction. Hopefully we will hear an update from you later today.
As far as the domestic abuse, I believe you should call the numbers Dee has posted. Its so very serious and I realize you know that or you wouldn't have posted about it.
Get the help you need for yourself my dear and for your kids. Glad you are in family counseling that is a step in the right direction. Hopefully we will hear an update from you later today.
Work in Progress
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,142
Wow! I don't have any good advice to share with you but I do feel for you and can be here for support and to listen. You are in a tough situation all around. I know myself I am dealing with some things and its helped me to come here and speak openly about it. So far nobody has judged me, although I'm sure nobody agrees with what I have done. I know it helps me a lot to be able to spill my secrets here and just read about others situations that are similar. I know things like this aren't easy to come clean with to the people in our everyday lives but coming here has made getting through the days easier for me. I hope it can give you some comfort to have support here.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
Please make sure that you and your kids are safe from your husband, then do whatever is necessary to get you on the road to a clean life. If your doctor is a good doctor he will not let you go off your meds cold turkey. Ask him for help in detoxing. You can do this. You've gotta do some hard work, but the rewards are worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 51
My Doctors and kids response to my admission
Sorry this is so long, I'm so confused and hurting and can't sleep or quit crying!
I tried to get in to see my Dr. yesterday but they said he had no openings until the 30th. That is when my next apt. is! So I spoke with his nurse today and told her I was in trouble, out of meds and needed to go to rehap that I abused my meds and they totally controlled me. She called me back and gave me some names of places to go to.
I asked her if he would give me two Fentanyl patchs and perc's to get me through till Monday. The Rehap facility that I am going to will not admit people on holidays and weekends and I would really really like to wait until Monday so I could spend Christmas with my kids.
He still wouldn't see me but the nurse said he would write me a script for 12 percocet, two a day!
Ha, wine, cry, I take 12 to 20 a day (comparing this by chewing half a 75 mg patch daily). This is going to be a ----of a week with one patch and 12 perc's. I am really having a hard time knowing if I can make it til Monday! If I don't go in tommorrow, they wont be open for admittance until Monday, it's not like I can change my mind when the tough gets tougher! He I am again, taking it minute by minute, freaking out not knowing what to do.
I told my kids last night I had to go away for a little while and get some help to get off the meds I'v been on for six years. They acted like they could care less as long as I waited til after they opened their presents on Christmas. I told them it dosent work that way. It's Wed. or Monday and I don't know if I can make til Monday! That just made them all mad at me because I was going to ruin their Christmas.
My youngest was really mad and mean. He said "This is what we had to talk about. That your going to ruin our Christmas! I could be at my freinds house playing for the last hour, Can we go now!"
It really hurt me. He is still mad at me today. I tried talking to him again about how this is hard for me and I asked him for his support. But he wouldn't talk about anything except I made him sit and listen instead for taking him to his freinds house. (His freind had been at our house with my son for the last two days and nights( they live together usually at our house) so I can't imagin that is what is really upsetting him, but he wont talk.
I've talked to my mom and Dad and they are going to keep them while I gone, my kids love then very much. Thank the Lord!
What kind of Christmas will it be either way!
Moms gone to rehap cause she an addict (that they will remember every Christmas for the rest of their life, or Moms strung out in bed the whole weekend after Christmas! Whats the use, it's hard to face how bad I have screwed up my life.
Oh, I forgot to mention the reason I am so short on my meds is because I took my kids on an awesome vacation and way over used to try and make it a really fun trip that they will always remember.
Boy, that sure backfired in my face. Im sure they will remember me as an addict a lot more than that fun vacation!
If I go in tommorow you wont hear from me for awhile. IF I don't go, I'll probably be posting books on here like this everynight. I'm so scared and hurt in many ways! Thanks for your responses and advise, it really helps. I appreciate all of you.
I tried to get in to see my Dr. yesterday but they said he had no openings until the 30th. That is when my next apt. is! So I spoke with his nurse today and told her I was in trouble, out of meds and needed to go to rehap that I abused my meds and they totally controlled me. She called me back and gave me some names of places to go to.
I asked her if he would give me two Fentanyl patchs and perc's to get me through till Monday. The Rehap facility that I am going to will not admit people on holidays and weekends and I would really really like to wait until Monday so I could spend Christmas with my kids.
He still wouldn't see me but the nurse said he would write me a script for 12 percocet, two a day!
Ha, wine, cry, I take 12 to 20 a day (comparing this by chewing half a 75 mg patch daily). This is going to be a ----of a week with one patch and 12 perc's. I am really having a hard time knowing if I can make it til Monday! If I don't go in tommorrow, they wont be open for admittance until Monday, it's not like I can change my mind when the tough gets tougher! He I am again, taking it minute by minute, freaking out not knowing what to do.
I told my kids last night I had to go away for a little while and get some help to get off the meds I'v been on for six years. They acted like they could care less as long as I waited til after they opened their presents on Christmas. I told them it dosent work that way. It's Wed. or Monday and I don't know if I can make til Monday! That just made them all mad at me because I was going to ruin their Christmas.
My youngest was really mad and mean. He said "This is what we had to talk about. That your going to ruin our Christmas! I could be at my freinds house playing for the last hour, Can we go now!"
It really hurt me. He is still mad at me today. I tried talking to him again about how this is hard for me and I asked him for his support. But he wouldn't talk about anything except I made him sit and listen instead for taking him to his freinds house. (His freind had been at our house with my son for the last two days and nights( they live together usually at our house) so I can't imagin that is what is really upsetting him, but he wont talk.
I've talked to my mom and Dad and they are going to keep them while I gone, my kids love then very much. Thank the Lord!
What kind of Christmas will it be either way!
Moms gone to rehap cause she an addict (that they will remember every Christmas for the rest of their life, or Moms strung out in bed the whole weekend after Christmas! Whats the use, it's hard to face how bad I have screwed up my life.
Oh, I forgot to mention the reason I am so short on my meds is because I took my kids on an awesome vacation and way over used to try and make it a really fun trip that they will always remember.
Boy, that sure backfired in my face. Im sure they will remember me as an addict a lot more than that fun vacation!
If I go in tommorow you wont hear from me for awhile. IF I don't go, I'll probably be posting books on here like this everynight. I'm so scared and hurt in many ways! Thanks for your responses and advise, it really helps. I appreciate all of you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 51
Does NA help you detox? After spending hours reading other posts, it appears detox is hell but can be done with out going to a rehap house. This rehap detox center is going to cost me up to $8k.
I tried tapering off the fentanly myself and with my Dr. but would give up and get and take more, My DR. knows now and will not give me more so maybe I should try detox at home first??? Any advise?
I tried tapering off the fentanly myself and with my Dr. but would give up and get and take more, My DR. knows now and will not give me more so maybe I should try detox at home first??? Any advise?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,367
Hi Minute,
NA is Narcotics Anonymous yeah - like AA. They're not a medical group, although members would help guide you to resources I'm sure.
I have no personal experience with opiate detox.
The best idea is always to consult a doctor, I think.
I'm sorry it's so difficult to get in to see yours.
Remember you have the ER and I believe the Salvation Army has detox programmes too - they certainly do here in my country (Australia).
Here's some hotlines:
The substance abuse forum here is another place to look for resources
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...i-recover.html
D
NA is Narcotics Anonymous yeah - like AA. They're not a medical group, although members would help guide you to resources I'm sure.
I have no personal experience with opiate detox.
The best idea is always to consult a doctor, I think.
I'm sorry it's so difficult to get in to see yours.
Remember you have the ER and I believe the Salvation Army has detox programmes too - they certainly do here in my country (Australia).
Here's some hotlines:
The National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service available at 1-800-662-HELP. This service can provide you with information about treatment programs in your local community and allow you to speak with someone about alcohol problems
Hopeline-dot-com has free 1-800 line that will connect any caller in the US who needs help to a certified crisis center nearest the caller's location. Services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The number is:
1- 800-784-2433
Hopeline-dot-com has free 1-800 line that will connect any caller in the US who needs help to a certified crisis center nearest the caller's location. Services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The number is:
1- 800-784-2433
The substance abuse forum here is another place to look for resources
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...i-recover.html
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: My world
Posts: 379
Maybe I missed it, but I couldn't see how old your children are?
Yes one Christmas seems ruined to them and as a mother that is an overwhelming feeling of guilt. It's natural to us. We want the perfect life for our children; however a mother drugged up every Christmas surely is not perfect either. Once you are clean you can make up for it. They may not understand now, they may never understand, but what will happen is that they see the difference in you. You are worth it and so is your family. I'm so glad that your parents are supportive. Keep strong and remember we are all here for you, even if it's just to listen. I know I'll be thinking of you.
Yes one Christmas seems ruined to them and as a mother that is an overwhelming feeling of guilt. It's natural to us. We want the perfect life for our children; however a mother drugged up every Christmas surely is not perfect either. Once you are clean you can make up for it. They may not understand now, they may never understand, but what will happen is that they see the difference in you. You are worth it and so is your family. I'm so glad that your parents are supportive. Keep strong and remember we are all here for you, even if it's just to listen. I know I'll be thinking of you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: moving target
Posts: 956
Hey Minute
Hope you are doing well today. Wow every post I have read this morning I see a bit of myself, I appreciate being able to hopefully support you in some small way. Many things you said I did, trips with my kids to different cities to show them the world while I was wiped off the map, etc etc.
My experience with rehab was similar to yours, I missed Memorial Day weekend (was in there for 10 days) and we had made plans with family. M Day isnt Christmas I realize... make the decision that is right for you. Just so you know, I woke up one morning after I had been drinking heavily for months (laid off work with pay.....might as well give me a noose) and decided as soon as I got out of bed I was going to check myself into rehab. I didn't tell anyone in my family, it wasn't planned, I just said screw this I have to do something. The most humbling experience I may have ever had in my life was to wake up my 20 yr old son at 8am and ask if he could give me a ride somewhere, I was packing my bag of jeans and comfy T shirts and he said where are you going? I told him straight out- I am going to rehab and quit drinking, not sure how long but when I get staightened out I will call. My family was never more proud of me, it brought tears to my eyes when I was sober and the first look of pride they all had in me.
I have since relapsed (no explanation but stupidity and stopping my daily AA meetings) but now on day 5!
You can do this!!!
Much peace and calmness to you
Dub
Hope you are doing well today. Wow every post I have read this morning I see a bit of myself, I appreciate being able to hopefully support you in some small way. Many things you said I did, trips with my kids to different cities to show them the world while I was wiped off the map, etc etc.
My experience with rehab was similar to yours, I missed Memorial Day weekend (was in there for 10 days) and we had made plans with family. M Day isnt Christmas I realize... make the decision that is right for you. Just so you know, I woke up one morning after I had been drinking heavily for months (laid off work with pay.....might as well give me a noose) and decided as soon as I got out of bed I was going to check myself into rehab. I didn't tell anyone in my family, it wasn't planned, I just said screw this I have to do something. The most humbling experience I may have ever had in my life was to wake up my 20 yr old son at 8am and ask if he could give me a ride somewhere, I was packing my bag of jeans and comfy T shirts and he said where are you going? I told him straight out- I am going to rehab and quit drinking, not sure how long but when I get staightened out I will call. My family was never more proud of me, it brought tears to my eyes when I was sober and the first look of pride they all had in me.
I have since relapsed (no explanation but stupidity and stopping my daily AA meetings) but now on day 5!
You can do this!!!
Much peace and calmness to you
Dub
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 51
Saphie,
my kids are 12, 14,15.
ded- thanks a lot much appreciated.
Heres the update its bad and good!
My parents are going to be hear tomorrow for Christmas and for my kids.
I talked with my kids for an hour about this rehab drug problem Monday. My youngest would not talk to me or look at me and still will not talk to me as hard as I try. It's been four days. My middle and oldest have been so mean and rude to me and the oldest told me tonight he will never be able to look at me the same again!
He told me that he knows and he has tried to be rude (mean) to me because I put him on ristriction when he breaks the rules, but look at what I've done and I am much worse then him. He flat out said he is better than me at being able to hurt people and has done his best this week. Gee,this is not at all what I expected. I just busted my ass shopping all week spending $800 for there every desire.
I talked with my best freind tonight and she told me she would not EVEN give them half of what I got them for Christmas because they are not appreciative of me or anything I do for them.
Well this is not exactly true but it sure feels like it right now. I have taken their Xbox 360 out from under the tree and all the games and controllers as well. That was there major request as a present. I don't know if this is the right thing to do or if I will stick with this decision.
I feel so hurt and betrayed. My olderst I honestly feel is going to use my treatment at rehab against me and tell others about it if I ground him again.
I have had a very hurtful and dissapointing week. I am in shock that they can be so cold to me (FYI - even if the oldest has been grounded and pissed about it).
GREAT NEWS - I called the rehab center with questions today and the lady told me that who ever I spoke with must have misunderstood me. They are open 24-7 to admitt people who need it and I can come in when ever I want.
THANK YOU LORD- this was such a relief I cried and cried. I will be there Sat. and I don't plan on telling my kids that I am going. I have already told them I had to go by Thursday or wait till Monday, (becaue thats what the lady told me). I am just going to tell them I need to get away for a few days and take some time for myself. Then I told my oldest (he will tell the others) that this will help me determine if I am an addict or just dependent on pain drugs that I need for real pain. Yes I got that idea for the thread that went on and on etc.
Does anyone think this is totally wrong of me to do this? I really tried to be honest and they could not deal with it and honestly don't think they want to right now. Perhaps after detox I can get professonal help to sit down with the whole family and explain things to where they will except it! They youngest may just be really scared (like me), he dosent talk much about his problems and concerns to anyone. We are seeing coulseling for this and a lot of other issues. My week has really stunk and I know it is not going to get any better... detox sat. start date. Wish me luck, prayers much appreciated!
So what ya all think of all this crap? It make me honestly want to run away and stay away after I get out of detox! Not joking either! I'm crushed by the ones I love so much, it's hard to even explain how bad it hurts for them not to hug me and say, it's gonna be ok Mom. We love you, will pray for you. miss you but see you really soon.
GOD- what I would give for those words...
Hurt and scared,
Thanks so all.
my kids are 12, 14,15.
ded- thanks a lot much appreciated.
Heres the update its bad and good!
My parents are going to be hear tomorrow for Christmas and for my kids.
I talked with my kids for an hour about this rehab drug problem Monday. My youngest would not talk to me or look at me and still will not talk to me as hard as I try. It's been four days. My middle and oldest have been so mean and rude to me and the oldest told me tonight he will never be able to look at me the same again!
He told me that he knows and he has tried to be rude (mean) to me because I put him on ristriction when he breaks the rules, but look at what I've done and I am much worse then him. He flat out said he is better than me at being able to hurt people and has done his best this week. Gee,this is not at all what I expected. I just busted my ass shopping all week spending $800 for there every desire.
I talked with my best freind tonight and she told me she would not EVEN give them half of what I got them for Christmas because they are not appreciative of me or anything I do for them.
Well this is not exactly true but it sure feels like it right now. I have taken their Xbox 360 out from under the tree and all the games and controllers as well. That was there major request as a present. I don't know if this is the right thing to do or if I will stick with this decision.
I feel so hurt and betrayed. My olderst I honestly feel is going to use my treatment at rehab against me and tell others about it if I ground him again.
I have had a very hurtful and dissapointing week. I am in shock that they can be so cold to me (FYI - even if the oldest has been grounded and pissed about it).
GREAT NEWS - I called the rehab center with questions today and the lady told me that who ever I spoke with must have misunderstood me. They are open 24-7 to admitt people who need it and I can come in when ever I want.
THANK YOU LORD- this was such a relief I cried and cried. I will be there Sat. and I don't plan on telling my kids that I am going. I have already told them I had to go by Thursday or wait till Monday, (becaue thats what the lady told me). I am just going to tell them I need to get away for a few days and take some time for myself. Then I told my oldest (he will tell the others) that this will help me determine if I am an addict or just dependent on pain drugs that I need for real pain. Yes I got that idea for the thread that went on and on etc.
Does anyone think this is totally wrong of me to do this? I really tried to be honest and they could not deal with it and honestly don't think they want to right now. Perhaps after detox I can get professonal help to sit down with the whole family and explain things to where they will except it! They youngest may just be really scared (like me), he dosent talk much about his problems and concerns to anyone. We are seeing coulseling for this and a lot of other issues. My week has really stunk and I know it is not going to get any better... detox sat. start date. Wish me luck, prayers much appreciated!
So what ya all think of all this crap? It make me honestly want to run away and stay away after I get out of detox! Not joking either! I'm crushed by the ones I love so much, it's hard to even explain how bad it hurts for them not to hug me and say, it's gonna be ok Mom. We love you, will pray for you. miss you but see you really soon.
GOD- what I would give for those words...
Hurt and scared,
Thanks so all.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,367
Minute
I don't have children, but I do know whole families are affected by this disease.
I think it's probably fair to suggest there's a lot of fear involved with your kids, yeah.
I hope other parents will come along with their stories and suggestions.
For now, your kids will be safe and cared for with their grandparents - I think you have to stop digging the hole you're in before you can make things better.
I'm glad you can go to rehab right away.
I hope you find this is exactly what you need to get you started
D
I don't have children, but I do know whole families are affected by this disease.
I think it's probably fair to suggest there's a lot of fear involved with your kids, yeah.
I hope other parents will come along with their stories and suggestions.
For now, your kids will be safe and cared for with their grandparents - I think you have to stop digging the hole you're in before you can make things better.
I'm glad you can go to rehab right away.
I hope you find this is exactly what you need to get you started
D
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