Daily actions
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Newport, RI
Posts: 242
Daily actions
Bernadette posted the following paragraph in another thread and I just think it is such good advice:
"Just right here right now. You can only make decisions based on what he has shown you in the past and on his daily actions. So today was he working a program of recovery and not drinking and smoking drugs? Did he go to work today and did he make use of healthy outlets for his stress, like exercise or some hobby or hanging out with sober friends or other healthy habits that one day your child will grow up to learn and imitate?"
I struggle with making plans alone, because it feels so lonely and sad. I feel depressed when my addict refuses to join me in my sober and healthy activities. Then, the depression causes me to stall on carrying out those plans. Then, I change my mind and don't do them at all. This is where Bernadette's paragraph comes in. I need to keep asking myself those questions and force myself to see the reality: that I am hanging on to a guy who is not making an effort and it is foolish to base my life on a guy who is not trying. Thank you Bernadette!
"Just right here right now. You can only make decisions based on what he has shown you in the past and on his daily actions. So today was he working a program of recovery and not drinking and smoking drugs? Did he go to work today and did he make use of healthy outlets for his stress, like exercise or some hobby or hanging out with sober friends or other healthy habits that one day your child will grow up to learn and imitate?"
I struggle with making plans alone, because it feels so lonely and sad. I feel depressed when my addict refuses to join me in my sober and healthy activities. Then, the depression causes me to stall on carrying out those plans. Then, I change my mind and don't do them at all. This is where Bernadette's paragraph comes in. I need to keep asking myself those questions and force myself to see the reality: that I am hanging on to a guy who is not making an effort and it is foolish to base my life on a guy who is not trying. Thank you Bernadette!
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Hi mama!
Yes looking at and choosing our partner today is a great way to stay firmly in reality.
And it wasn't until I began looking hard at my own daily actions too that real change started brewing! I had so many things I wanted to do and try in my life and time was just slipping by because I would waste hours and hours in a funk about my brothers or wrapped up in their drama running around for them or just obsessing and - well you know!
Now I really don't allow myself the false luxury of denial! How I spend my day and the thoughts I think are nobody's fault but mine. I am free to choose!
peace--b
Yes looking at and choosing our partner today is a great way to stay firmly in reality.
And it wasn't until I began looking hard at my own daily actions too that real change started brewing! I had so many things I wanted to do and try in my life and time was just slipping by because I would waste hours and hours in a funk about my brothers or wrapped up in their drama running around for them or just obsessing and - well you know!
Now I really don't allow myself the false luxury of denial! How I spend my day and the thoughts I think are nobody's fault but mine. I am free to choose!
peace--b
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