the cravings are really starting to get to me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 37
the cravings are really starting to get to me
I'm on day 11 of sobriety so far and the cravings are really starting to get to me. I was hoping they would go away and I imagine they will given enough time but it's really starting to get to me. I spend all day feeling depressed, anxious, and fiending for oxy. I fantasize about using all day long. I try not to think about it, to distract myself with other things, etc but it does not seem to work.
My mind is starting to play tricks on me. Like today I almost convinced myself that if I could just use ONE MORE TIME I would remember that it really isn't that great and the cravings wouldn't be as bad. Junkie logic at its finest. In reality I'm sure if I used now after being clean for 11 days I would get really high from my tolerance going down and the cravings would be worse. So instead I just went to the gym and worked out and that seemed to help a bit but it was a close call nonetheless. Tomorrow I plan on waking up and exercising and then going straight to an NA meeting. Hopefully that will get me in a better mindset for the day.
I just wish I didn't have to spend all day in a constant internal battle. I'm trying to do everything I can but the cravings are still ******* killing me.
My mind is starting to play tricks on me. Like today I almost convinced myself that if I could just use ONE MORE TIME I would remember that it really isn't that great and the cravings wouldn't be as bad. Junkie logic at its finest. In reality I'm sure if I used now after being clean for 11 days I would get really high from my tolerance going down and the cravings would be worse. So instead I just went to the gym and worked out and that seemed to help a bit but it was a close call nonetheless. Tomorrow I plan on waking up and exercising and then going straight to an NA meeting. Hopefully that will get me in a better mindset for the day.
I just wish I didn't have to spend all day in a constant internal battle. I'm trying to do everything I can but the cravings are still ******* killing me.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Hang in there. Early sobriety sucks, or at least it does for me. Just try to think how good you'll feel when you're on the other side of this.
Day 23 for me and tomorrow will be day 24.
Day 23 for me and tomorrow will be day 24.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I glad you recognised that rationalisation as BS 
Keep up the real life contacts Skroom, as well as posting here.
Ring those NA numbers - if you don't have any yet - get some
It's not easy in this early period, but it's a finite period as Kjell said, and it's doable
D
Keep up the real life contacts Skroom, as well as posting here.
Ring those NA numbers - if you don't have any yet - get some
It's not easy in this early period, but it's a finite period as Kjell said, and it's doable
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
You are doing great, hang in there.
You went to the gym and you won, you can do this again.
It will get easier and easier each time that you have fought off the craving and won.
Start each day with "just for today I will not use," you can do this!
I'm rooting for you.
Stay strong.
You went to the gym and you won, you can do this again.
It will get easier and easier each time that you have fought off the craving and won.
Start each day with "just for today I will not use," you can do this!
I'm rooting for you.
Stay strong.
Nonexistent Willpower
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 439
Go Skroom!
Grats on 11 days man. I like hearing the action you are taking, like the gym and meetings.
I don't know if this will make any sense to you, but once I was explaining to my sponsor much like you explained: "feeling depressed, anxious, and fiending..I fantasize about using all day long. I try not to think about it, to distract myself with other things, etc but it does not seem to work."
He said "It sounds like you are trying to control your sobriety." For a split second I understood what he meant then I lost grasp of it.
Today I understand it much better. It means instead of living in the exact moment of now with my eyes and mind focused on what's going on in front of me, I tend to drift into my own self absorbed fantasy. I'll miss the next 30seconds or so of reality trying to form it into what I wished it would be.
I've found it still takes a certain level of attention to stay focused and not drift into denial on many an occasion. Especially and in particular when I don't like what's going on in front of me. The good news I've learned is I don't have to like or dislike anything, I just have to accept it. Also I don't have to get emotionally involved in anyting unless I choose to. All I really have to do is be an observer.
In summary what I'm trying to say is it's hard for us to let go, relax, and stay in the moment. This is understandable since we previously spent so much time controlling the way we feel.
I don't know if that makes any sense or not. In fact it's kinda freaking me out as I re-read it. But I'll leave it there in hopes that maybe you'll kinda get the drift of what I'm trying to say.
I don't know if this will make any sense to you, but once I was explaining to my sponsor much like you explained: "feeling depressed, anxious, and fiending..I fantasize about using all day long. I try not to think about it, to distract myself with other things, etc but it does not seem to work."
He said "It sounds like you are trying to control your sobriety." For a split second I understood what he meant then I lost grasp of it.
Today I understand it much better. It means instead of living in the exact moment of now with my eyes and mind focused on what's going on in front of me, I tend to drift into my own self absorbed fantasy. I'll miss the next 30seconds or so of reality trying to form it into what I wished it would be.
I've found it still takes a certain level of attention to stay focused and not drift into denial on many an occasion. Especially and in particular when I don't like what's going on in front of me. The good news I've learned is I don't have to like or dislike anything, I just have to accept it. Also I don't have to get emotionally involved in anyting unless I choose to. All I really have to do is be an observer.
In summary what I'm trying to say is it's hard for us to let go, relax, and stay in the moment. This is understandable since we previously spent so much time controlling the way we feel.
I don't know if that makes any sense or not. In fact it's kinda freaking me out as I re-read it. But I'll leave it there in hopes that maybe you'll kinda get the drift of what I'm trying to say.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The GREAT White North
Posts: 315
I explained the constant cravings as "someone tapping at my brain for days". I would pray, read, go to meetings, talk to people, go online, sleep eat, anything to get rid of it. It drove me flipping crazy.
It did go away though. Keep hanging in there. I PROMISE it will get better.
It did go away though. Keep hanging in there. I PROMISE it will get better.
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