TakingCharge999

Well another consulting session with "the counsel", lol

This Saturday is my company's party and I am making this as fun as possible, new haircut, may look for some colouring, made a makeup appointment, will buy a nice coat, bought nice shoes and honestly I look really good and feel better in my own skin.

However it is very possible I will run into ex and gf. How should I act? as if I don't know them? of course they won't come by and say hi but if others in my table know them or I run into them accidentally or we watch each other on the dance floor, what would be the healthies attitude? shall I take the high road and smile as if we were great friends just for fun LOL.

I got lots of triggers for Jack daniels but today I am buying a bottle of it and vodka for another girlfriend to share with a friend and my bf. I am trying very hard to think about me, that its all about me and my hard work and ending a very satisfying year career-wise.

I may need your ESH on Sunday, I feel strong sometimes and then I switch to fragile and that it will get me angry and hurt once again seeing those together and XABF as aloof and happy as usual .. actually kissing/hugging/ etc... may be too much even know... then I feel stupid for STILL "CARING" and feeling anxious when its a PARTY... duh! and when my dear bf will be there... and I get stuck in the drama, he is very cold in public so in my neurosis I am thinking "they will think he does not love me..."

Just breathe, is my motto. No need to demonstrate anything... ugh.

Help !!

bookwyrm

Personally, I would try for ignoring them, making no special effort to see or be seen by them. Focus on you and your friends. Pretend he just isn't there. Easier said than done, I know. But, time for another slogan: fake it till you make it. One day, you truly won't notice if he's there or not. Looking at him at the party is a bit like looking at Facebook - it will be all show, all sleight of hand and fakery. You know that and know enough not to be taken in by it. Let him go. And have some fun girl, you deserve it!!

TakingCharge999

Thanks book. I will take ignoring too. And instead of being enslaved by the unknown future or whatever he says does shows drinks, I will try hairdos!!!

Crazy4Him

Taking I have been in your shoes and the best advice I can give you is to be cordial. I would only speak if they spoke first, smile and don't let whatever negative feelings you experience contaminate the encounter or the rest of night. Don't let it show if it is negatively effecting you.

Believe me, smiling in their face with feel more unnatural than words can describe but you will be proud of yourself later for it. Your happiness will send a very strong message to all involved, including yourself.

Have a great time!

Carol Star

I wouldn't go. You are already anxious about it. Alcohol will make you more emotional..Seeing them dance together will make you sad. I would do something superduper somewhere else. You will get to a point where you don't care but I don't think you are there yet.

TakingCharge999

Thanks a lot. C4H I will try it. I will try to think thanks to him I got a job and my two cats. I will try to think thanks to her I didn't go back to hell for more.

And I will play home spa today to try and look good. I like the message "I am happy regardless of whatever others do". Sometimes I go back to codie ways but sometimes I am truly happy again, happy and grateful.

Carol, I thought about that too, the thing is I did a soul search and asked myself if I would like to go..... and yes I want to go, I worked my a$$ off this year. I already agreed with my bf to go, see how it is like, have a couple and if its too boring we may go party somewhere else because it will be like the one day in the year we actually dress formal, etc... so I like it that I can choose to leave anytime.

I hope he doesn't go or if he does and I struggle.. I remember to breathe... NYC Chick mentioned it was needed to rewrite and reclaim places.

I need to "reclaim" that I do work here... that I exist.. and I am taking Jack Daniels whiskey, a huge trigger... so this party is no longer the one where they took pics and I saw them and I knew while I was at my worst he was smiling to the camera hugging her... this is the party I looked FAB and drank whiskey and there was no verbal abuse afterwards, a party where my work is acknowledged and celebrated... its about ME... or at least I will fake its about me until its really about me...

I have already seen pics or saw them from afar or overheard them or run into them while driving... although it has hurt it has also helped me come back to reality...

I am no longer with him
There are valid reasons for that
I decided this
It is for my good
The gf is doing nothing against me personally just believing his lies just like me

Perhaps one day it will really sink in. I believe this 70% of the time...

TakingCharge999

Thanks for listening it really makes a huge difference to know I can come back here afterwards and vent to great people who know how it feels.

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Go and enjoy yourself girlfriend and that new boyfriend. You deserve it and think of what the other girl really got. A selfish person that put the bottle first.

basIam

Hmmm... How should you act? I don't know.

I know how I would like to act in that situation. I would love to waltz right up to my-ex, with my current squeeze in tow, give a wide sincere smile, and say "Hey there! So good to see you! Introduce me to your friend!" and then follow with "This is xxx" and introduce them to my new friend.

Thats how I would like to act. . . I think thats how normal people act???

Now that that is out of the way, that is my personal ideal. But, out of self centered fear, I fail to live up to it quite often...

What does the big book say from the bottom of page 67 through the bottom of page 68?

barb dwyer

I say flip them ALL out - and don't 'act' at all.

Be genuine. Be yourself. Be Authentic.

Be the woman ... who has finally moved beyond caustic, degrading relationships.
The woman who deserves ... better.

I loved the part about the new hair, I did the same thing.

A new 'do' can change the way you relate to the world.
And it FOR SURE changes the way the world... relates to you.

I think you ought to have a new outfit, as well.

MissFixit

So, what happened?

TakingCharge999

Wish me luck. I am all set. I know its an important event. I will make my best to go beyond my codieness and focus on me !!!!!!!!!!!!!! as for ex and gf, if they go I think they would be drunk. If past is any indication... perhaps they are already drunk and the party hasnt even started. lol. My bf is acting up too, but no, its my night, I look like a hollywood star and I'll have a good time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and breathe!!!!!!!!!!!

Kittyboo

Omg, have a GREAT time!!! Ok, since you are a Hollywood star tonight, I always try to think about this when I start feeling sick about running into an ex....

Hollywood stars have to see their former loves plastered on every magazine kissing a new love. I can't imagine how horrible that must be! However, Jennifer Aniston looks FANTASTIC, happy and fabulous every time she head out. (I'm using her b/c I adore her, and hey, her gorgeous husband left her for the "sexiest" woman in hollywood. Having to see them in their movie together had to hurt like hell! And now they're apparently fighting like cats and dogs! Hmmmmm.....Karma Brad??)
Anyhoo--- totally got off the subject!

So tonight you're gonna be fabulous, sexy, peaceful and together.....and as you say, they will probably be drunk. You're already a million steps ahead. ENJOY YOU TONIGHT!

barb dwyer

I love it!

wanting

Bump, bump. How was the party!?

Lilly Burn

Oh I so hope it was all ok. You were very brave..I dont think I could have done it...I know one thing, Im sure you sparkled for lots of people...If it turned out badly for you it is only because you still care, to care isnt a sin, its a sign of being human, of a grieving process not numbed by alcohol. Whatever happened, it is only a moment in time, Im learning that we get over everything in the end...to one degree or another..Lilly xx

TakingCharge999

Thanks a lot for your comforting words. I was not able to reply earlier but I read your posts and they meant a lot to me! I laughed with Bucyn's post..

Lilly thanks for your compassionate words, it makes so much of a difference to know I can talk about this with women (mostly) that get me!

Ohh I identify with Jennifer Aniston, imagine really watching the news about their life and kid after kid, if she can do it I can do it too... I read BRAD had asked for forgiveness..

TakingCharge999

Well it was a long night.

I went to have makeup done... bought nice earrings... my hair was done too....

While I was there bf calls and says it was one of his sister's wedding and that he thought about going and congratulating her... even if she only called him ONE NIGHT before said wedding... I said ok sounds like a good idea...

Well I came back home. While I was dressing bf comes back.. and starts knocking my bedroom door desperately... and I was like "just a moment... what do you need??" and he was yelling "I want to play music and the laptop is inside!!"

...

Me: "does it have to be RIGHT THIS SECOND?? for THAT you start screaming?cmon!! use the other laptop"

Then there was a silence. I come out looking all nice and bf was playing this superloud music ppl in this town LOVE (loud rancheras).

Some nights earlier we had a glass of wine.. a wine reserved for christmas. Well he had the bottle next to him.

It occurs to me that he was acting weird and of course... like a drunk. I told him "so you were drinking... right from the bottle" and he said yes it was not a big deal, his sis married and he had a new job and we were going out.... he told me to relax...

It was difficult to do so. I got angry. I read your posts and tried to breathe. I said ok let's go..but I will drive.

He insisted on driving. I laughed out loud. He said all those stupid comments drunks said. I kept laughing.... I told him that it was a shame for me to drive my boyfriend while he was drunk. Before a party. We fought all the way there. While driving I started feeling bad, like those UTI symptoms. I parked in a pharmacy and got some pills and almost lost it. I wanted to go back home and lose the guy and forget about the party. But I didn't...

When we parked, some other guests arrived...he said hi to them and told me that yes it looked bad for me to be driving instead of him... he said he was just tipsy and wouldn't drink for the rest of the night... I laughed out loud... again...

I was already triggered and stressed. I had agreed with a friend for them to reserve 2 places in our table, well when we arrived his table was already full.

So we were alone and then one of my previous bosses arrived. He talked and talked about other employees performance. I drank half a glass of whiskey. Bf drank a glass.

Then we danced one Ricky Martin song. I said hi to coworkers, most of them ex's friends. I don't think ex went. I started badtripping about where he was, etc but I said "for all I know he may be abusing his gf or driving recklessly... or both... as usual..."

Then I left. Bf offered to take me to a nightclub. I accepted. I had more fun there. We shared a beer. Didn't finish it. We were there like, 20 minutes then left.

Afterwards, the hangover... it sucked.

I am angry with bf and angry with alcohol. I am angry with ex. And with myself and my life. I feel so bitter and tired. I used to like social outings with some alcohol involved but now they suck too. I will go to a bar with a dear girl friend this weekend and I look forward to it. I am disappointed with bf. There are some other things going on but... I am soo worn out from all this year. I just want it to end.

Today I saw XABF from afar and he caught me glancing at him... as usual he looked happy and relaxed and I am just more angry than ever.

I asked a friend that may be coming to this town if she is planning to share apartment so I will wait for her and we can look together. According to her reply I will start looking. The dear friend I got has an aunt renting so I hope to see the apartment... finally I am gathering more energy to keep looking... with or without bf.

Today I walk to the bank and construction workers harrass me, etc. and coming back I take a looooooooooooooong way around the building just not to go through that again. And I wondered if I was really in the correct path or if instead of moving forward I am walking again towards the hell of an alcoholic in disguise...

I know I can't control the environment but so many things get me ahhh I am now looking for an activity to do this Friday as I won't be working... I have to study but.. I want to do it in a peaceful place. I may go to my university, remember my good times, study in SILENCE and try to get some calm........

PS BF called and acted normal and asked why I was angry... I don't want to talk or fight... I'll ask for time to get myself together. He says often I am taking out with him errors from others and I wonder if he is right....

MissFixit

Hugs

Sorry that your night was not what you wanted it to be.

Sounds like you have moved on from the lifestyle you once had. Maybe matured beyond it? I too find that doing things that I used to find important/enjoy, no longer have such as hold over me.

TakingCharge999

Thanks Miss. ((hugs back!!))

I guess it also depends on the company........ this friend, or my sister let's say... we have shared a glass of whatever and I enjoy it....

Hard to trust this one, I guess I will just see his acts. It gets me that you'll never know if your bf is an A or not or if he will become one......ughhhh