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Old 12-16-2009, 08:53 PM
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Introduction

I have been lurking around and reading posts today as I search online for links and information, searching mainly for the support I know I will need to change my life. I like what I've come across so far... the support and information that many of you offer one another. I have closed myself off so much socially and emotionally that even this tiny step is scary; but... here I am.
I am an alcoholic and I've struggled with anxiety and depression/substance abuse since I was a teenager. I may not drink EVERY day but I drink most days and when I do I seldom stop until the bottle (or bottles) are empty. The longest I have ever 'quit' was when I was pregnant 4-5 years ago. I managed a month 2 years ago, but that's about all the experience I've had with sobriety in the past 15 or so years.
I struggle with my idea of a higher power, but I do believe that someone must be looking out for me- it is unbelievable to me that I've made it this far without dying, getting a dui... etc.. I hesitate to use the term "high-functioning" because I don't feel it's very accurate. I manage to scrape by, I manage to be a loving mother during the day... but I have holed myself and my daughter up with my addiction.
I only have 2 days sober. At this point I feel isolated, so simultaneously helpless and hopeful, sad and scared... sick to my stomach. I think writing helps though. Thanks for reading.
Sarah
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Old 12-16-2009, 09:31 PM
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Old 12-16-2009, 10:49 PM
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Sara

Congratulations on reaching out. Never quit and you will find a world beyond your imagination.

Can you get to a meeting? If you can don't miss a day. Your feet will dictate your true desire to stay sober, not your mind.

I struggled with the whole Higher Power as did many of us.

Here's where I've screwed up:
1. Trying to figure out God.
2. Trying to figure out the steps, the book, the people, the disease, myself..

Here's what I've learned through my experience:
1. God reveals himself to us through the steps and the magic happens.
2. There is nothing to figure out.

I know how you are feeling 2 days sober.
There's a saying in recovery that goes like this:
"We feel better when we are sober."
...We feel pain better..we feel lonliness better...we feel anger better...we feel (fill in the blanks) better...
Recovery is not learning how not to drink, but learning how to cope without it. I'm here to tell you it is entirely possible and you can do it. If I can do it anyone can. All I can tell you is I am the guy who could not stop drinking, period. It can be very rough emotionally at first.

But this is why we need:
Meetings
Sponsor
The Book
Prayer
Phone Numbers
SoberRecovery.com
(the list is endless really)

Now that you have 2 days go find someone with 1 day. See how you can help them. Even if it's just listening. It will help you more than anything.

Don't try to do it perfectly. Just make a commitment to keep trying NO MATTER WHAT! If you drink again, and I hope you don't have to, although I did, don't beat yourself up. Just try listening closer for the solution.
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Old 12-17-2009, 01:18 AM
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Thank you both
Steveo- I found a women's meeting on Saturday that is 'open', many of the meetings are 'closed'? I'm assuming this means that I would have to go to an 'open' meeting first??
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Old 12-17-2009, 01:51 AM
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An open meeting means anyone interested in AA for any reason
is welcome to attend.
Closed meetings are for alcoholics only.

Here is info on AA meetings

http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/F...A_Meeting.html

Please do check out our Alcoholism 12 Step Support Forum too.

Good to know you are seeking a healthy sober future.
Welcome to our recovery community..
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Old 12-17-2009, 03:24 AM
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First welcome to SR Blackbird.

I struggle with my idea of a higher power, but I do believe that someone must be looking out for me-
What I bolded is all it takes to begin, as already said, many of us struggle with the concept for the very reasons that Stereosteveo mentioned and others, just take the concept you have now and go for it!!!

I'm assuming this means that I would have to go to an 'open' meeting first??
Absolutely not! Are you an alcoholic?

I am an alcoholic and I've struggled with anxiety and depression/substance abuse since I was a teenager. I may not drink EVERY day but I drink most days and when I do I seldom stop until the bottle (or bottles) are empty.
Well you already answered that, all it takes to go to a "Closed" meeting is the self knowledge that one is an alcoholic! All it takes to be a member of AA is a desire to stop drinking.

Sarah from your post it sure sounds as though you have that desire to stop drinking.

Now this is just my opinion based upon my experience in AA, if you go to a "Closed" meeting, a ladies would probably be best and simply say "Hi, I am Sarah & I am an alcoholic & I am seeking help in staying sober a whole new world will open for you.

Stereosteveo said it well:

Recovery is not learning how not to drink, but learning how to cope without it.
For me I reached the point where I only had one solution for everything.......... alcohol!!! Well that solution after years of drinking was no longer a solution for me, it became a pathway to the gates of Hell.

In order to stay sober after detox I had to find a NEW solution!

The solution I and millions of others have found is to be the Program of AA & the fellowship of AA.

The fellowship was the people in AA who shared thier experience strength and hope with me in how they lived thier lifes sober applying the steps to all areas of their life. They shared with me how they lived thier lifes on lifes terms sober.

The program of AA is contained in the first 164 pages of the book Alcoholics Anonymous with the 12 steps. This I view as a path to follow and then apply to all areas of my life on a daily basis, this I have found to be the solution.

I initially took these steps with the guidance of a sponsor, they allowed me to clean up the wreckage of my past, discover the person I really am, & a path to allow me to become a better person, they lead me to find & develop a relationship with a Higher Power of my choice and understanding, that gives me the power I need to do his will and to help others to recover from thier alcoholism.

As a result of taking the steps, I have been freed of the bonds of my alcoholism and myself, they allow me to be of maximum service to others, both fellow alcoholics and others.

Sara the path is not an easy one at first, but if you remain honest, open minded, & willing to go to any lengths you will find as you take the steps and stay sober that staying sober does become easier, that your life will become more managable, and your sanity will be restored.

Will life become a bed of roses? Heck no, but as life problems arise you will find an ability to deal with it one day at a time.
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Old 12-17-2009, 04:31 AM
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Welcome to SR Sarah! It's good to see another Buckeye here! I see you've already joined our Class of December 09. THat's a good start on getting and staying sober. If your withdrawal gets bad please see your doctor or go to the ER. Be safe while detoxing.

THere are lots of programs for staying sober. AA is the best known and most available, but there are other programs as well. Here is a list:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html

I hope you read around the site. We have lots of different forums for different purposes, fun forums as well as lots dealing with recovery. Read and post your questions. I'm glad you found us and joined the family!
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Old 12-17-2009, 05:59 AM
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Welcome to SR, Sarah!!
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Old 12-17-2009, 06:23 AM
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Welcome
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Old 12-17-2009, 08:44 AM
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Hi and welcome!
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Old 12-17-2009, 12:41 PM
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Thank you all for the kindness and esp. for the information. I have mixed feelings about AA, but I will try... mainly because I'm realizing that I have approx. zero friends irl who are sober. I think the womens meeting would be best for me right now, there are two a week here. I'm also interested in learning more about Women for Sobriety, they offer chat meetings and I thought that might be a good way to further 'supplement', does anyone here have any experience w/ WFS??
Day three today, pretty much feeling like ****... but not as bad as I do when I'm absurdly hungover.

*I see that there are threads for 'ongoing' support for newcomers... should I move this there since I seem to keep coming back to it??
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Old 12-17-2009, 12:55 PM
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Glad you are open minded.
The ongoing forum is for threads that hit 500 posts or more and are like an ongoing, daily type thing. Theres some there that are on part 136!! Thats 500 posts times 136. Crazy. We have alot of support here.
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Old 12-17-2009, 01:20 PM
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Welcome to SR Sarah

You're fine here Like Aysha said the Daily Support Forum is for threads that hit 500 posts - we move them over there so as to not clutter up stuff here, thats all.

D
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Old 12-17-2009, 02:08 PM
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Sarah

Glad to hear you found some meetings. Here's why you should not be afraid to go to ANY meeting:

-There is no authority at meetings, including the people in the group there. You'll basically have to strip down naked, and dance on the table while chanting in tounges before they will ask you to leave. Even then they will most likely tell you to keep coming back. We don't shoot our wounded.
-You won't be more important than anyone else, and noone will be more important than you.
-You will say a short prayer before and after the meeting. (That's 2 in 1 day! Even if you don't mean it, well, you took the action..)
-You will also find yourself doing your daily meditation, as you hear words of hope from peoples' mouths who are just EXACTLY like you.
-When you speak you can say anything you wish. You can't say anything silly. If you do, it will only make it easier for the next person to speak.
-But sincerity and honesty will enable people to help you. And versa-visa.
-They need you as much as you need them.
-The best time to go to a meeting is when you don't feel like it, and when you do feel like it, and anytime in between..

Remember that your feet will dictate your desire to stay sober more than your mind, which is full of unreliable feelings that lie to you. The alcoholism will fight with your feet. Give your feet the freedom to guide you to your car, get busy on the gas pedal, and walk you into the rooms of hope. Then you can just relax, in a way you probably haven't in a long, long time.

-Welcome Home!!
-We've been waiting for YOU!!
-Please join US!!
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Old 12-17-2009, 02:17 PM
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Nonexistent Willpower
 
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Ohio

Oh Snap! I just noticed you are from Ohio!? Right in the heartland of AA. You know we originated in Akron moreless right? in 1935? Oh so lucky to be you. Now you really have NO excuse for avoiding recovery. I'm so jealous...
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Old 12-17-2009, 03:44 PM
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Dear Sarah, I read your message and I feel for you. I was the same as you my dear and by the way, we share the same first name. Mine is with an "h" too. I don't like the term functioning either because I was anything but functioning. I, however, drank daily unlike you. I shut the world down about 4 or 5 pm every night. Not a great way to live. Not a happy life either.

Today I am happy and I am sober. I drank for many, many, many years and was also sober during my pregnancy, but that was it. If I could do it so can you. Its one day at a time dear friend. Sometimes less then that, but life is soooooo much better when we stop the insanity and start to live again.

I look forward to hearing more from you. Hugs - Sarah #2
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Old 12-17-2009, 04:25 PM
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Nice to meet you. We are all here to lift one another up no matter how we find a way to a sober life. Smile.
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Old 12-17-2009, 04:50 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you found us. SR is my lifeline and I hope you keep reading and posting. There is lots of support here.
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Old 12-17-2009, 09:51 PM
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Nice to meet you all too, thanks for making me feel welcome... I'm sure you all know how much not feeling alone in this means.

Sarah- you're reply brought tears to my eyes, thanks for sharing a bit of your story. I wish there was someone like you down the street

Least and Steveo- I don't think anyone has ever expressed excitement over the fact that I'm from Ohio let alone twice in one day

Today was rough early on, but got better. On to day four...
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Old 12-18-2009, 05:19 AM
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(((Sarah))) Congratulations on moving through those days. Believe me when I say they will add up. Sorry you had a rough morning. I once lived in Illinois which is closer then New Mexico to Ohio, but I am a "virtual" street away.

I have to ask, but you certainly don't have to answer about your screen name. Did "blackbirdsing" come from the song "Black Bird Singing in the Dead of Night Take this Broken Wing and Learn to Fly?" EVERYtime I see your screen name that beautiful song runs in my head. Good way to start my day. Thanks.
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