Trust
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Trust
Well today was horrible. Me and the grams have been at it all day. We are seriously getting on each others nerves.
Tonight my whole family is going to Disney on Ice. And my uncle has asked me to use his brand new Jeep Commander that he just got in the Spring, to take my cousin to her school thing tonight. And he trusts me to do it ad return the jeep back to his house right after. He has nothing to worry about. But they wouldnt know that for sure if I was in their shos. Looking in my driveway, they seen what happens to my own vehicles.
No hesitation or questions or any drilling. Just Thank you and thats it.
So all this impatient whining I have been doing lately. I cant help but knock it off and snap out of it and be very grateful for alot in my life. Especially my family.
I earn their trust back alot sooner than I trust myself sometimes. That really means alot to me. I would never do anything to their stuff or them. I only hurt and ruin myself and my stuff. But if I were them, I wouldnt know what to think about someone like me.
Daily reading for today was so dead on. I am going to post it in the thread I made for the book.
Thx everyone for putting up with me. Time seems to have stoppped and I am just so eager to get going and working on my recovery. I want to make progress and not just sit here. But it all does have a course to follow. And all good things come in time. So I need to change my own perspective about everything.
Today stated out horrible, but ended very humbly.
Tonight my whole family is going to Disney on Ice. And my uncle has asked me to use his brand new Jeep Commander that he just got in the Spring, to take my cousin to her school thing tonight. And he trusts me to do it ad return the jeep back to his house right after. He has nothing to worry about. But they wouldnt know that for sure if I was in their shos. Looking in my driveway, they seen what happens to my own vehicles.
No hesitation or questions or any drilling. Just Thank you and thats it.
So all this impatient whining I have been doing lately. I cant help but knock it off and snap out of it and be very grateful for alot in my life. Especially my family.
I earn their trust back alot sooner than I trust myself sometimes. That really means alot to me. I would never do anything to their stuff or them. I only hurt and ruin myself and my stuff. But if I were them, I wouldnt know what to think about someone like me.
Daily reading for today was so dead on. I am going to post it in the thread I made for the book.
Thx everyone for putting up with me. Time seems to have stoppped and I am just so eager to get going and working on my recovery. I want to make progress and not just sit here. But it all does have a course to follow. And all good things come in time. So I need to change my own perspective about everything.
Today stated out horrible, but ended very humbly.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Thx g2b but I am not going. Thats why I have to take my cousin to school. And they wont be home until late. So thats why I am grateful for the trust. I could go run around for hours if I was stupid like that. but I wouldnt even do that if I was already using. Thats one thing I havent done is steal from any of them or put them in any risky situations. I just cant do that. I dont care how desperate I felt high.
Thank goodness for that.
Thank goodness for that.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,047
Do the right thing. Drive that vehicle responsibly. Return it the way it was when you took it. In fact, return it in better condition. Take 5 minutes to clean it up or put an air freshener inside it 
Show them you can be trusted and do that from this day forward. Obviously they're confident in you.
Show them you can be trusted and do that from this day forward. Obviously they're confident in you.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Yep, Dropped her off and came right back home.
Nothing to clean in the jeep Astro..LOL Its a new jeep so its very clean and smells like a new car already. LOL
Texted him when I got back to let him know I was back.
Man that thing is awesome. Its like a little hummer.
I def enjoyed driving it. Came home and had a bacon cheeseburger.
Nothing to clean in the jeep Astro..LOL Its a new jeep so its very clean and smells like a new car already. LOL
Texted him when I got back to let him know I was back.
Man that thing is awesome. Its like a little hummer.
I def enjoyed driving it. Came home and had a bacon cheeseburger.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
My uncle bought me a Cinderella figurine from the show for taking my cousin. I really dont like that he did that. Is that wrong?
It makes me uncomfortable in a way. because I am just grateful he trusted me. Plus they do so much for me already. I guess I dont think it is deserved or necessary.
Like on Tues we all have family dinner over at their house. I went last night and they werent going to cook but were going to order out. I was going to leave. And my aunt asked me why. I dont have any money for that. But she doesnt care. And I know she doesnt, but I feel like a leech. I dont like people paying for me.
They know I dont liek it when they buy me stuff and pay for things for me. But they do anyway. Its always been like that. I mean I stick out like a sore thumb in my family. They are all white and Irish looking. And I am this asian looking kid. I am the only one that looks like me. I was the one who didnt have parents and was raised by my gram. I was sorta displaced if you think about it. But my family never made me feel like that. And my aunt always made me feel like one of hers. Both my aunts do.
I dont know why I have a hard time now with it.
But I am thankful I have them.
It makes me uncomfortable in a way. because I am just grateful he trusted me. Plus they do so much for me already. I guess I dont think it is deserved or necessary.
Like on Tues we all have family dinner over at their house. I went last night and they werent going to cook but were going to order out. I was going to leave. And my aunt asked me why. I dont have any money for that. But she doesnt care. And I know she doesnt, but I feel like a leech. I dont like people paying for me.
They know I dont liek it when they buy me stuff and pay for things for me. But they do anyway. Its always been like that. I mean I stick out like a sore thumb in my family. They are all white and Irish looking. And I am this asian looking kid. I am the only one that looks like me. I was the one who didnt have parents and was raised by my gram. I was sorta displaced if you think about it. But my family never made me feel like that. And my aunt always made me feel like one of hers. Both my aunts do.
I dont know why I have a hard time now with it.
But I am thankful I have them.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Trish))) - in time, you will be able to accept that your family loves you, just the way you are. You're still a little bit in the "Trish doesn't deserve this" mode, though much better than you've been in the past.
It takes time for us to accept that people love us, faults and all. We have to get comfortable with ourself, first, and you're not quite at that point yet....you'll get there.
I'm glad you got to drive the new jeep
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
It takes time for us to accept that people love us, faults and all. We have to get comfortable with ourself, first, and you're not quite at that point yet....you'll get there.
I'm glad you got to drive the new jeep
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Trish good to hear you are among the trusted in your family now. One thing you said that stuck out to me is that you did not feel you were trutworthy.
I was much the same way, I was changing for the better but I was unaware of it at the time. I was so thankful when an older woman in AA with at the time 30 years sober came up to me at a meeting when I had maybe a month sober and told me that I was looking much better and she could see the real me starting to emerge.
I needed to hear that, because I was still miserable inside, I still felt like I was making no real progress even though I was attending tons of meetings and making friends.
Ever since that day I have gone out of my way to let newcomers know they are making progress even if they do not think they are.
Another thing that I have learned is that in order to keep what I have, I have to give it away. I have also had to learn to accept things from others, because if I do not accept them then I am not allowing them to give away what they have.
Giving it away to where we can keeps it makes no sense until we put it into practice, the accepting that which is given us seems selfish and self centered in a way, but have you ever had a little kid try and give you something and you refused to take it? Do you recall the hurt look they had when you refused to take what they wanted you to have?
What they were trying to do was to give you a part of them, thier love and respect for you, I quickly learned to accept with all the gratitude I could express my gratefullness for the gift.
When some one offers you something, accept it with gratitude, it is an expression of love and or care for you. Take it with the same gratitude you would hope they would show to you when you give them something.
I was much the same way, I was changing for the better but I was unaware of it at the time. I was so thankful when an older woman in AA with at the time 30 years sober came up to me at a meeting when I had maybe a month sober and told me that I was looking much better and she could see the real me starting to emerge.
I needed to hear that, because I was still miserable inside, I still felt like I was making no real progress even though I was attending tons of meetings and making friends.
Ever since that day I have gone out of my way to let newcomers know they are making progress even if they do not think they are.
Another thing that I have learned is that in order to keep what I have, I have to give it away. I have also had to learn to accept things from others, because if I do not accept them then I am not allowing them to give away what they have.
Giving it away to where we can keeps it makes no sense until we put it into practice, the accepting that which is given us seems selfish and self centered in a way, but have you ever had a little kid try and give you something and you refused to take it? Do you recall the hurt look they had when you refused to take what they wanted you to have?
What they were trying to do was to give you a part of them, thier love and respect for you, I quickly learned to accept with all the gratitude I could express my gratefullness for the gift.
When some one offers you something, accept it with gratitude, it is an expression of love and or care for you. Take it with the same gratitude you would hope they would show to you when you give them something.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Taz has a good point about giving. I bet it gave your uncle a lot of pleasure to select that little Cinderella for you! He wanted you to have it! It was a gift from the heart.
I once read a really great article about being a gracious receiver, it had never occurred to me before about the joy of giving. I mean, I knew it gives me pleasure to give but I hadn't had it explained so well. I think it was in a Readers Digest or Guide Posts.
Trish, you are doing well. Enjoy that little Cinderella. I think it was very special.
Love,
Lenina
I once read a really great article about being a gracious receiver, it had never occurred to me before about the joy of giving. I mean, I knew it gives me pleasure to give but I hadn't had it explained so well. I think it was in a Readers Digest or Guide Posts.
Trish, you are doing well. Enjoy that little Cinderella. I think it was very special.
Love,
Lenina
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