UniversesChild

I have about 95 days so far, and I WAS on what I would consider a pink cloud for about a month or two--smiling, grateful, happy, accepting, etc. I knew it wouldn't last forever, but I thought it would kind of gradually fade into something like serenity... But all of a sudden it's crashing, hard. For the last 5 days I've been grouchy most of the time, unhappy with my life, my partner, his child, etc. I feel like crying much of the time. I feel resentful and full of self-pity much like I did when I was drinking, (even though now I'm not). I know at least some of it is PMS, but JEEZ! I go to about 4 meetings a week and just got a sponsor, just starting to work the steps. Any advice?

keithj

Keep working the steps like your life depends on it. You can have a new freedom that you never dreamed possible. Freedom from the ism of alcoholism.

Mark75

Just like you enjoyed the Pink Cloud, maybe you'll just have to tough out the thunderstorm. I sort of had a black day yesterday and maybe it was just one of those days. I did the best I could, and it blew over.

Maybe, especially, even, if your PMS puts you at risk for slipping, pursue some type of treatment? Nutrition maybe. Exercise definitely has been shown to help. I don't PMS myself , although my wife says differently, but an hour on the bike does wonders... and I think research suggests that it is, in fact, proven to help with PMS...

Hang in there, all dark clouds blow over eventually!

Mark

NEOMARXIST

keep doing what you're doing. get to meetings, ring your sponsor frequently and get working on them steps. Try sharing where you're at for every meeting you go to.

It'l pass and you'll come out the other side feeling stronger and catching more 'glimpses' of serenity. I experienced this a few weeks back and I came out the other side feeling better for it and with more resolve. AA saved me and my sobriety during my jumping off point. I chose to jump deeper into AA rather than back into the bottle!

I share at every single meeting I attend as I find that this really helps me. It is therapeutic to get my feelings/thoughts out to others who can empathise and also it lets other members know where I'm at so they can try and help me etc.

Just remember that drinking is not an option no matter what and to keep your thoughts in the day. It will pass.

All the best

soberinwpg

Hang in there. It's great that you are feeling even though it feels like it sucks.
I'm learning how to breathe. Breathe slowly. Accept the emotions and let them go. Give your frustrations to your H.P and keep doing what you are doing. 95 days is AMAZING!!!!!

Horselover

My ups and downs were pretty extreme in the beginning and believe me I leaned hard on SR during those times. Having AA to work a program in is great! You have enough tools to see yourself through this. Don't give up and know it WILL get better. Hugs - Sarah

Sober25

That's good advice. Life has it's ups and downs. We need to celebrate the good times and just get through the bad times the best we can. We all have good times and bad times. Hang in there.

TTOSBT

I am with keith. Dive hard into the steps. Working the steps is where we receive our freedom and serenity. What you are going through is very normal. Always keep in mind...this too shall pass. Unfortunately that goes for the happy feelings as well as the sad...

NEOMARXIST

Like Horselover said as well lean hard on SR.

SR has been an invaluable resource to me and my sobriety. I am so gratefull for SR being there as a resource 24/7.

Like Soberinwpg said 95 days is AMAZING!!!

Kjell

Heck ya! 95 days is awesome.

I've never felt the "pink cloud", but try to remember that it's just a label.

Do remember that we are trying to live life on life's terms. We'll have ups and downs just like before, but we won't be able to self medicate ourselves to get through them anymore.

least

What you're feeling lately could also be from PAWS: Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. It does take a while for our brain and body to adjust to functioning without alcohol and the adjusting can lead to some wild emotions and other problems. Google it for more info than I can give you here. If the awful feelings persist, see your doctor and have a check up to be on the safe side. In the meantime, eat good food and exercise is also very good for us and can help 'even out' our feelings and such.

(((hugs)))

CAPTAINZING2000

I first stopped drinking, I started walking every day. How's your sleeping habits? make sure you get a good night's sleep every night. How about your diet? Are you eating right??

Another thing I did was take people to and from meetings, set up and cleaned up after meetings and chaired meetings.

I set goals for myself short term and long term goals I could make. First on the list was stop drinking at all cost.
What have you been putting off that, you can be doing. Idle time messes with the mind. Stay busy!!!!!

yeahgr8

My sponsor said that everyone has a pink cloud, could last days/weeks/months/years/all your life (for a very few), when it goes and life becomes more routine and the novelty of your new way of living wears off a bit if you have done the work (worked the steps and continue to do so on a daily basis) you will be ok.

A guy with 33 years shared the other night that he went to meetings for 18 months, gasping for a drink, no sponsor, no step work...until he finally started working the steps and the miracle happened for him. You can keep going (you don't have to wait as long as he did), just get on with working the steps as quickly as possible and to the best of your ability with the guidance of your sponsor:-)

Also just remember the pink cloud thing is the excitement and novelty that goes with anything new, e.g. new job, relationship, car, house etc...it's not some strange mystic force that you need to suddenly need to start panicking when you feel like **** for a bit and worry yourself to death about picking up...some things are just what they are and dont necessarily require deep spiritual analysis...some do, just not this one IMO (and the opinion of my sponsor;-)).

Just my 2 cents!

meditation

Well I guess you could be happy you got some pink cloud. I never got a pink one. A gray one, a black one, a dirty yellow one lol but I was never on a happy cloud of recovery. I was too busy being mad at everybody and the system to be grateful. I will say now after 14 months that I have serenity. I am not in legal trouble, I am not in jail, I am not worried about the Feds/cops/ narcotics folks coming after me. I am not lying in a cemetery, and not divorced, my children haven't be removed from me, I haven't killed anybody or had my driver's license taken away, I am fairly serene. Things could be lots better but things could be really worse and so I take that as serenity. Just a steady daily peace of living life without the drama of addiction.
So it's not all that bad.

keithj

Where you at with the 12 steps, meditation? I hope my asking doesn't tick you off, but I'll take that chance. I've heard your description of present life more than once from folks in the first couple of years of sobriety.

There just isn't that spark that some of us talk about. There isn't that zest for life. I'm not saying anything is wrong with your situation, but you describe a lot of life circumstances that are going OK. That's a little different beast than the promised 4th dimension.

I suspect much like the guy yeahgr8 mentioned, a good friend of mine was in this same boat. He stayed sober for 18 months, got all his problems sorted out, and just felt like blah. Just blah. With that feeling, he became willing to take the steps, because he could see that having his life circumstances sorted out were not enough for him. He sought that spark he saw in others.

Within a short time, he was on fire with recovery, and has been since then. There is something fundamentally changed in him that goes way beyond having less chaos in his life. He is peaceful regardless of life circumstance.

And that's the state of real recovery. I tend to move with life, not riding it up when things are good and down when they are not.

I'm only asking, meditation, because I honestly care. I've seen people fall off when ordinary life just isn't enough for them. Hell, I fell off my first go at sobriety with 7-8 months. That brief time didn't compare at all with the true sobriety that came with a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps. Problem was, I didn't know what that could be until I had done the work and actually experienced it.

shaun00

..

For me the solution was in your last sentence...
I Believe i know where your at.......ive been there a few times...

i just wanted to blow my head off.
my wife said......."you might as well drink because you act like a mean drunk anyhow"

restlesss ...miserable......quick tempered......resentful.....spiteful.
arrogant......agressive.....selfcentred....on and on.
i believed i was a mental defect because i stopped drinking and my mental condition became worse..

Eventually turning to my only solution.......booze....time and time again.
i like clancys description...."an invisible spring in the gut"....sums it up for me.

keith talked about a "spark" and thats what attracted me to my then sponsor.
he had a way about him that i wanted....a kind of quiet peaceful demeanor.

close work with him.......the book and the steps changed my mind....a born again feeling...
the obssession with booze left me.....and my perception of people around me changed.....life became something i wanted to be part of rather than opting out all the time.

What you got to lose?...........good luck to you.

UniversesChild

Wow, thanks to everyone for the advice and encouragement and experiences (and hugs, especially).

To answer some of your questions:

I've been on step 3 for at least a month now, kind of stuck on it because I haven't had a real sponsor until the other day. She suggested I start over with step 1 and do a timeline, to be sure I'm really doing the steps thoroughly. I've known for a while that I need to get serious about the steps, but everything seemed to be going just fine, and I was kind of worried about getting too gung-ho at the beginning and then losing interest as we alkies tend to do. Or maybe I was procrastinating...

I haven't been exercising at all lately, so I know that's not been helping either (although I did get on the treadmill this a.m. though and plan to keep that up, incorporating some yoga/pilates)

Sleeping has been okay, but interrupted every night at about 3am because of partner's loud snoring. Am looking into addressing that. We're going to start recording him and then go to a Dr. once he realizes how bad it is.

As far as eating, I'm actually doing better on that than I ever did before, although I probably should get back on the vitamins I was taking the first few weeks of sobriety. I hardly ate anything when I was drinking. I have a bit of a sweet tooth lately, but I'm also getting lots of dairy, lean protein and some veggies.

I always share at meetings, and plan to go tonight and share what's been going on with me lately. There's lots of support in my community meetings, which is great, especially given that I live in the middle of nowhere and spend most days alone. PS-not drinking is actually a lot easier than I thought it would be, especially after those first couple of weeks. (I was about a six-to-12-pack-a-day drinker.)

And yes, I will try to also incorporate meditation into my routine as well.

Thank you all again for your care and support. I got home today and saw your messages and just broke into tears of gratitude for that.

Anna

Hi,

Congratulations! It sounds like you're doing well!

I never experienced the pink cloud thing.

For me, I have found that balance is the key. I found it hugely important to exercise and for me, that meant taking long walks every day. That helped me in so many ways. And, I think your point about vitamins is a good one. I believe they help and especially so, for the B vitamins.

And, coming here and reading is always inspiring too!

NewMe11109

I find that when I feel this way I need to go try and help someone else. For me, by thinking of others, I stop thinking about all my problems and then it seems to get better.

Rusty Zipper

UC i'm smell'n the alcoholic self-sabotage!

find out wasn't working UC

and the next time, pull the rip chord on the Pink Parachute

good wishes

and Happy Holidays!