vegibean

I know others have it worse, I am grateful for a lot of what I have and where I'm at today, but I am still struggling.

I am at a whole new crossroads in my life and I feel like I NEED to ask for help from my family and friends. I'm hoping that I find some resolution, I'm just tired of being so stressed out.

School is a 100% green light and going. That has to stay. My sobriety is on that top of the list as well. ME, I am also up there. These things are the most important and I feel, have to be.

Financially however, I am not doing so well. I know a lot of people are in a crunch right now and have been. While (for those of you that know the past situation) I have a roommate and the bills are being split........ yes, it helps, but things are tight and I'm slowly going down again.

My job, love it, but the gas to get there is taking a toll. Not so good.

My youngest son, my X husband...........they are to be considered here, but how much???

Something has got to give.

What I have been doing? Writing affirmations to myself and doing a lot of meditating and cheering myself as always. I don't allow myself to be "stuck" in my head. I'm staying focused, "keeping my eye on the prize." I do have faith and believe that I will get through all the new stuff going on in my life. I've already gone through a lot the last almost three years, so I KNOW I can do this!!!!!

Heh, I also put myself back on my Prozac today.

I am literally doing the best I can to take care of myself.

Anyway, I really needed to share this with my most favorite sober online community. This place is always so supportive and while I have been absent.........well, there's the reason. I don't like being a downer but I have been for weeks.

While I know I'm doing all I can to pull myself out of this funk, this is where I'm at today.

Thanks for letting me share.

Astro

There's pink clouds.....and then sometimes I feel like there are grey clouds.....maybe a black cloud every now and then. Sometimes it feels like it'll never end.

I was always told that God never gives us more than we can handle. But then other people told me that He would, and that I'd be strengthened when I came out on the other side. As usual, they were right. I still get tested like that once in awhile.

It will pass. It always does. Right now I feel like I take two steps forward and three steps back when it comes to my financial issues, I just can't get ahead of the game. Yesterday I sold a couple bicycles and an extra fridge, that'll help, and I'll have some garage sales after the holidays. It's just going to take time and I have to have faith that it'll eventually get better. It will.

Sending you a few (((hugs))) Someday you'll look back and wonder what that funk was all about. Get the funk out vegi!

stephnc

Here are some quotes I copied from some inspirational book (I forget which, sorry) but they help me when I'm having a rough day:

"Go with the flow, even when the flow takes us through uncomfortable feelings. Release, freedom, healing, and good feelings are on the other side."

"Now is the time to be. To feel. To go through it. To allow things to happen. To learn. And to let whatever is being worked out in us take its course."

Hope they help. Hang in there.

NEOMARXIST

Hey VB. Sorry to hear you're having a hard time at the moment but you know you'll be fine!! You've been an inspiration to me since i have been on SR and I remember you're posts to my threads a few weeks ago when I was in a funk!! everytime you get through a rough patch then you come out the other side with so much more strength and resolve... But you already know that!

Hope you're feeling more even-keeled and peaced-out soon.

I feel like a fraud trying to give you any advice Tbh as you have so much more sober time than me and I really look up to you. All I would say is pack in those AA meetings and stay close to the people in AA, thats what got me through my really tough times. But I'm sure you are anyway.


Peace and Love xxxxx

vegibean

Thanks you guys. That helps. I know I'll get over this, through it, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I am doing it.

Jomey

That's it, Vegi - you ARE doing it! Hang in there - you're posts are always so clear and well written - you are a big help to me. I'll keep you in my prayers today, hoping you get some relief soon. Keep on keepin on. Jomey

least

I have no advice or wisdom, but I do have lots of (((hugs))) for you!

Gypsy Feet

Me too veg!! I thought I had a handle on the bills finally, and my stupid car gets sick. My financial "goal" was to stop sliding backwards in January, and start filling in the hole, so technically I still have 2 weeks to dig myself deeper I guess. . .

I just keep reminding myself that this is where I am suppose to be. When I forget to remind myself that, SR or my HP reminds me=) I am learning valuable lessons in budgeting, humility and self reliance, as well as a bunch of other stuff I reckon.

*hugs*

24hrsAday

Thank You For Sharing this Vegibean.. Honesty is Sooo Important to our Sobriety.. Even if it is sometimes Unpleasent! Take Care and Merry Christmas!

tyler

I too understand the whole financial thing. I eventually ended up having to declare bankruptcy due to some medical bills (drug related) but mostly from cash advances run up on multiple credit cards to support my habbit. My job sucked, I was only bringing home about 25k/yr and spending over $1000/mo on my "habbit". You do the math....it just doesn't work out.

Now that I have quit and am clean, I've got a better job, make more money, and am saving, well, about $1000/mo. on top of that!! I too have a bit of a drive for my job, but, while I hate the gas money and wear and tear on my car, I find that the extra time on the road kinda helps me "stay out of trouble", if you know what I mean.

Everything is not grand. I still am 41, shacking up with my parents, though I am very lucky to have that option. My life is pretty boring, work, a bit of TV at night and an hour or two here. Lonely at times. I miss my wife (lost her going through all this mess, but still love her with all my heart), but don't really have any desire to meet anyone else at this time. But the biggest difference is that I can see a future that just wasn't there before. Before my number 1 concern every day was how I was going to get and stay high that day, now I can see the whole world out there. Totally worth it.

Sounds like you are mostly in a bit of a funk, which I'm sure you know will pass. You've been around here a little bit, so you know the deal. Sometimes it's just nice to have a place to vent a bit and get a little support. Hope you get to feeling better. Take care.

Astro

I'm pressing the "Thanks" button for your post Tyler. Excellent message, I needed to hear that today.

NEOMARXIST

Yer, great post Tyler.

PS - listened to all of 'Appetite for destruction' last night. Great Album. Mr Brownstone is a great song too as they all are. I love Use your illusion 1 and 2 too.

peace

vegibean

Yes Tyler, and a thanks from me too. Totally relate to where you're at too. One of my most favorite things to do at the end of the day is end up in my PJ's with a little boob tube. I'll take it. TY!!!

Texasblind

Tyler, great post.

Veg: Hang in there. You work for a social service, have you tried checking with your state's substance abuse authorities to see if you qualify for a gas voucher or card? I get a free bus pass every month, just because I use it. That Obama money is going somewhere, we just have to look.

Tex

Kjell

Great thread and thanks for the honesty Vegi.

Hang in there.

Aysha

Yea, I have been down myself for a few weeks.
But it helps to just get things out alot of times for me.
You have already said all that I could say to you.
So that shows you are aware and still fighting.
We know you can make it. I know you you know it too.
But venting can be so cleansing, I know it is for me.
Hang in there.
(((((Big Huge Hugs)))) for my hometown homie!!

Impurrfect

(((Vegi)))

I'm in the same boat. I seem to barely scrape by, and then some other bill pops up or something is needed on the car....driving 40 miles, one way to work and I wait tables. Some nights the tips don't cover the gas money

Like Tyler, I'm living at home, but I'm older...very humbling, but I'm grateful I have that choice.

I was told, once "look at all you've gotten through" and had to think "what the heck are they talking about" (this was from someone on SR). After some thinking, I thought about the times I'd vented, panicked, stressed and couldn't believe it, but in hindsight, there were really, no big deal. Of course, at the time, they were HUGE!!!!!

I think I'm finally getting to the point where either I'm tired of stressing or getting better at letting go, but I'm not quite as stressed. Well, I wasn't until I found out my XABF died 2 weeks ago in a crack house...kind of put MY life into perspective and has thrown me for a loop, but I'll get back on track. I mention this to remind you, as it reminded ME, of where we're NOT.

Hang in there, sweetie, and keep posting/venting...it really does help.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

BP44

Vegibean, it seems it wasn't all that long ago you didn't have a job and were worried about being put out on the streets. The quality of your problems are getting better.

vegibean

Amy, I hear ya loud and clear.............. as I see some of my friends going through the same. And I KNOW you all are right, I know this too. It's just really affecting me. Today is better, I'm working on it and know that "this too shall (will) pass."

HITTING the "THANKS" button to everyone!

littlefish

Well I know we are not supposed to blame others or other things for our problems, but maybe you can in this case. Many states in the US have a horrid mass-transit system: doesn't exist in many places. US citizens are forced to drive when they often cannot afford it. It's a shame that the US has become so dependent on the car.
Vent away!