NightStalker

But at least I made it that long. I may be one of those people who are never able to get 100% sober for the long haul, but at least I'm going for weeks at a time between benders, rather than drinking every day like before. Back on Day 2 now. The last binge was a doozy - pretty much incapacitated me for a full week, had to leave Thanksgiving Dinner early, etc.

4ever

23 days was a great start...don't be too down on yourself. Today is a new day.

NightStalker

Thanks, 4ever. Progress, not perfection, right? The first few nights of not drinking are always hard for me, because I wake up several times during the night with what feels like panic attacks. I become super-aware of my heartbeat, and have to get up for awhile until I calm back down. That usually happens 2-3 times per night, and I feel exhausted in the mornings when it comes time to go to work. I could be the meds I take, I'm not sure.

4ever

None of us are perfect all we can do is hope to make as much progress as we can.

I'm still having a hard time sleeping, but its slowly getting better. My doctor has said that my sleep patterns may never return to what they were before I started drinking. Not very encouraging, but if that's the case I'll find away to deal with it. I'm assuming (you know what that can do) that you have talked to your doctor since you are on meds already?

NightStalker

The nightly panic attacks are a relatively new issue. I have an appointment with my doctor on the 21rst, and I plan on discussing it with him then. Meds are Campral, Prozac, and Wellbutrin.

a fallen man

you can definitely start again. this is my 3rd time on s.r. and by far the best i've felt as far as being secure with myself.

i'd bet on the wellbutrin. i'm no doctor by any means but i tried it to quit smoking years ago and i hated what it did to me. the most restless sleep and bizzaro dreams i've ever experienced.

4ever

Thats great you already have an appointment.

I found that I kept forgetting to ask my doctor things at my appointments so I started a list of things to ask or tell him about and would take it with me to the appointment. Just an idea.

NightStalker

Great idea, 4ever. Thanks, Fallen!

ElegantlyWasted

Hey NS! Don't beat yourself up too much. As best I can figure out, your are back here and recommitted to not reimmersing yourself in the life style. That was my problem, my slips were relapses; If I drank I threw away everything that I gained and drank every day. You're really not going back to day one and I beleive that distinguishing between slips and full relapses is a constructive way to view what happens. You have not lost everything you gained in those 23 days. Again; don't beat yourself up too much, get over any lingering guilt you may feel, and figure out a way to prevent what happened in the future. Just my 2 cents. Best of luck and Happy Hollidays!

ElegantlyWasted

Re: panic attacks: This helped me, try some short meditations. Google the meditation podcast. They have a great meditation for addiction. Took a couple times for it to work, which probably means I was stressed enough to need it.

Anna

I'm glad you're doing well!

Panic attacks are scary but you can learn to deal with them. As mentioned above, meditating is a great way to help. And, simple breathing techniques work. I realized that when I was feeling panicky, I began to breathe in short, tight breaths. Simply, by making myself do 'belly breaths', it helped a lot.

SeekSobriety

Each and every one of us has the potential to get "100% sober for the long haul" Although it requires of us the dedication and taking the steps neccessary to prevent succumbing back to our addictions and the booze.
For me it required creating a new circle of non using/drinking freinds. If old drinking friends wanted to spend time with me, it would be on my terms (meeting at a coffee shop or seeing a movie with no booze or substances involved or around me) I attended daily AA meeting where I am able to find people who were able to relate with what I am going through and have been a great support system. I have discussed my drinking/using issues medical doctors/therapists and followed there advice and worked towards healing my own self so I would not revert to "self-medicating" with booze to run away from my feelings etc.

For me to have just white knuckled it, I could get a few weeks, maybe a month or so, but without really addressing the issues and developing coping strategies it is very very difficult. Hence a majority of relapses occurs, most commonly with people who are not dedicating a large portion of there available free time to recovery. Eventually we reach a place where we become stronger in our sobriety that we then have so much energy left over to help new comers and those who are just now begining the process of taking back control of there life from a drink or substance and becoming the captain of there own ship again (to a certain extent of course) We are the captains of our ship but not the captains of the mother ship if you know what I mean.

In simple terms there are very few things in this world that we have control over externally speaking (weather, disasters, etc.) but we do have control over whether we are consciously going to make a decision to pick up a drink, use or hang around those people or places where it will be around us and tempt us etc. So for those internal choices we have control over we need to be the captains of our own ships.

This is of course just my opinion and things that have worked for me in my sobriety, of 1 year and 4 months, one day at a time.

Thanks for letting me share and do not ever think for a second you cannot do this, because you totally can! Check out a few different group meetings see if you find one that you connect with, I guarantee if you try going to a few different meetings you will meet some folks that will be of great help to you and you in turn will be of great help to them.
We do this together one day at a time! One second at a time.
You can do this!

stephnc

I had plenty of relapses before my last sobriety date. What's made a difference this time, I think, is that I'm really immersed in AA and working through the 12 steps with my sponsor. I've heard alot of people say they could never reach a point of long-term sobriety until they started actively doing the AA steps...I don't know if that's because they distract you or because they have some magical power, but I've been sober for 4 months now and I'm starting to believe that I "never have to drink again."

Good luck, and congratulations on being sober today.

NightStalker

Thanks very much for the encouraging words, everyone. This is such an awesome place. When I'm on the wagon, I pray, meditate, study recovery material, and attend an AA meeting at least once every day. I've been around the program for a very long time. I've had sponsors, worked the steps a number of times, been through treatment at least three times, maybe four. I see a psychiatrist, and was seeing a psychologist as well, until her practice moved out of state. The longest period of time I've been able to stay sober was around 9 months, and they were probably the most miserable 9 months of my life. Things went much better socially, financially, and in almost every other physical aspect of life, but I was just angry and miserable all the time.

At this point, I think just managing my addiction is going to have to suffice. My doctor says that going from getting drunk every single day to roughly once a month is progress.