Just wanted to say hi...talk about AS
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 287
Just wanted to say hi...talk about AS
It's been awhile since I've posted a thread and wanted to say Hi to everyone. I've enjoyed the good news I've read, and mourned over the bad. It's just another day in the wonderful world of addictions.
AS is still homless in NYC with a girlfriend in tow. My gut reaction is I want her out of the picture because she's holding him back from recovery, but the reality is it's what's he's chosing.
I hear from him once or twice a week, same old stories, might have a job, might have a room to stay, might have my identification papers back. It's as if 5 years have gone bye and same old song, same old lyrics.
He's confessed to a big lie, swore the last few months he was on suboxone bought illegally from the street. My ex and I both sent him money for that but he admitted last week he's on methadone (an evil drug). He said his counselor told him he had to come clean to move forward.
The big news is that I'm finding it easier NOT TO CARE. It doesn't mean I love him less, but my life and my happines is important. I just listen and go "uh-huh", wish him the best and hang up. After 5 years it's almost as if a stranger is calling me It's taken me a long time to get to this, and I have saddnes but IT's his choice. It's taken therapy and medication to get to this point but my life is now so much better.
No advice for anyone, keep loving your addicts, but love yourself also.
Addiction sucks for everyone.
AS is still homless in NYC with a girlfriend in tow. My gut reaction is I want her out of the picture because she's holding him back from recovery, but the reality is it's what's he's chosing.
I hear from him once or twice a week, same old stories, might have a job, might have a room to stay, might have my identification papers back. It's as if 5 years have gone bye and same old song, same old lyrics.
He's confessed to a big lie, swore the last few months he was on suboxone bought illegally from the street. My ex and I both sent him money for that but he admitted last week he's on methadone (an evil drug). He said his counselor told him he had to come clean to move forward.
The big news is that I'm finding it easier NOT TO CARE. It doesn't mean I love him less, but my life and my happines is important. I just listen and go "uh-huh", wish him the best and hang up. After 5 years it's almost as if a stranger is calling me It's taken me a long time to get to this, and I have saddnes but IT's his choice. It's taken therapy and medication to get to this point but my life is now so much better.
No advice for anyone, keep loving your addicts, but love yourself also.
Addiction sucks for everyone.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
it sounds as if you have broken free of the bondage that some of us stay stuck in for so long. i think it's good that he calls. even though they are addicts, and they can do horrific things, they do still love
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Thank you Hurtingdad.
When I came here I didn't believe that I could get better, unless my son got better.
I know now that is not true.
I'm sorry that your son still struggles, but will keep him in my prayers.
When I came here I didn't believe that I could get better, unless my son got better.
I know now that is not true.
I'm sorry that your son still struggles, but will keep him in my prayers.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
sorry to hear your son is still ...lost.
But you sound as though you have let go so that you can have some peace.
Detachment with love does work for us.
He knows you are there when he can surrender
But you sound as though you have let go so that you can have some peace.
Detachment with love does work for us.
He knows you are there when he can surrender
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I too see your recovery shining, HurtingDad, and I keep your son in my prayers.
I needed to find recovery for me, because addiction was dragging me into the dark abyss too and my life had become truly unmanageable. I too thought there was no hope for "me" unless my son found recovery too, but meetings and support and learning to work the steps helped me find my light and reclaim my life.
For me, turning over my son and all things that are out of my control to my HP, helped me to be able to keep my focus in my own life and recovery.
Thank you for posting here, you offer that glimmer of hope that most newcomers need to see that we really can get better, no matter how our addicts are doing.
Hugs
I needed to find recovery for me, because addiction was dragging me into the dark abyss too and my life had become truly unmanageable. I too thought there was no hope for "me" unless my son found recovery too, but meetings and support and learning to work the steps helped me find my light and reclaim my life.
For me, turning over my son and all things that are out of my control to my HP, helped me to be able to keep my focus in my own life and recovery.
Thank you for posting here, you offer that glimmer of hope that most newcomers need to see that we really can get better, no matter how our addicts are doing.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Hurtingdad))) I'm sorry your son is still out there, but am SO PROUD of you, for your recovery!!!
Though I have many, many regrets of things that I did when I was using, I am so grateful that my family went on with their life. Now that I'm clean, it makes me appreciate them so much more, and I realize what I could have lost.
Also, when I got sick of the consequences piling up, I realized that I WANTED to be a part of my family's lives again, and I had no choice BUT to get into recovery....they would accept no less. I always knew they loved me..but from a distance.
You are doing a remarkable job at being a dad of an addict, and I keep you and your son in my prayers.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Though I have many, many regrets of things that I did when I was using, I am so grateful that my family went on with their life. Now that I'm clean, it makes me appreciate them so much more, and I realize what I could have lost.
Also, when I got sick of the consequences piling up, I realized that I WANTED to be a part of my family's lives again, and I had no choice BUT to get into recovery....they would accept no less. I always knew they loved me..but from a distance.
You are doing a remarkable job at being a dad of an addict, and I keep you and your son in my prayers.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
Dad,
Thank you for the update and such an uplifting message of your recovery that I needed to hear at this time of year. Reminds me not to let my son's situation bring me down each day.
I will keep you and your son in my prayers.
Thank you for the update and such an uplifting message of your recovery that I needed to hear at this time of year. Reminds me not to let my son's situation bring me down each day.
I will keep you and your son in my prayers.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers. I am really glad you keep plugging along and that you have learned how to let go without letting go of love. It's not easy lovign an addict, but you are proof that we can recover even when our kids still struggle.
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