WizeDeb

I cant seem to log into my old name. I used to use Beer Police as my log in. Maybe some will remember me. Long story short, Married 18 insane years to AH. Finally I get him out of the house, moved in with his parents and is attending AA. As far as I can tell he is staying sober, I hope for him he stays that way. So been on my own for 2 months and really started to enjoy my peace, working my program. Reading constantly posts here (you guys are the best) I know my recovery is going to take some time. Ive been feeling pretty darn good. Heres the set back.. AH calls my best friend tells her he wrote me a letter (meanwhile the guys has never written me anything except curse words on the mirror or on paper on the kitchen table) Anyways I open the letter and it says Miss you love you Sorry for blah blah.. Spun me right out of control. We have a no contact rule. Except for our 18 year old daughter, emgerencys etc. He hasnt contacted me except for this. Someone talk some sense into me. For years Ive heard Im sorry a million times. I felt bad for him and it brought tears to my eyes, but 15 minutes later I was so angry again. Im so sick of being angry. So I let it go, but Jeez.. Thx for letting me vent

Still Waters

There is nothing wrong with reading what he says, that doesn't mean you have to acknowledge it, or do anything at all with it.

And being able to just let it go is an excellent step! I fight with that myself, I still want to go over it and over it in my mind. Ugh.

NewChapter

Thanks, Deb--Why is it SO easy for them to get to us like that? My AH is divorcing me, I'm the source of all evil in his world....lost his job because of an affair in his office...but yesterday I saw that he made an appointment with a priest and suddenly my recovery takes a back seat and I'm thinking maybe this could work. He put up the Christmas lights last night and I'm thinking "He's changed! He's back to the guy I married!" But after years of neglecting me and his 4 kids, affairs, lies, blaming...it will take SO much more than one appointment with anyone to deal with all he needs to deal with.

I have enough to do on my side of the street, and I thank God I have good friends who have reminded me of that the past 2 days. Here's to working on our own recovery, which is all we can control, and leaving them to theirs.

Have a good weekend, all!

WizeDeb

Thanks so much for the responses.It means alot to me that you all can understand so well what we are going thru. So while I was stuck in my muck, I figured I would get off my butt and do something about it.

My daughter and I headed out to the book store. Sometimes my HP works in ways I have no idea and Im so gratefull for it. To my surprize were two wookbooks for us. They were the only ones left. Swear there was a big neon sign with our names on it over them. How could they be side by side like that? One for me about codependecy and one for her about teens going thru divorce.

Once we got home we dug right in. Felt good to put some negative engery into something positive. Her first activity was to write a letter to her parents on how she felt, good or bad. I told her she didnt have to share this letter, it was her feelings and she is intitled to them. (dont ask me where that sentence came from..) Do you know the girl wrote four pages. I watched her write and write, God I hope we didnt screw her up. When she was done she looked at me and said "I didnt even know I had these thoughts, and she felt guilty for being angry with us" Ding Ding went the bell in my head. I hugged her and said. " Who wouldnt be angry, hurt and confused its all normal and just let it out and let it go" Now who is that person talking? Why cant we talk to ourselves like that and mean it!

She just turned 18 in November, all these years I tried to hold it together. Another guilt trip for me to ponder over. Jeez

NewChapter

Good for you and your daughter, WizeDeb! It can be empowering to DO something instead of being batted about by the A in our life. Sounds like your HP is speaking loud and clear---and the best part is that you're listening! My youngest daughter is the same age as yours--would you mind telling me the name of the workbook? Might help her, as well.

If you're anything like me, putting the focus on yourself isn't the norm, but with practice, it feels good! Have a great week.

WizeDeb

Its called Divorce workbook for teens by Lisa M Schab LCSW. Its alot of activities that you write your feelings, she really likes it. Hope it helps and thannks for the kinds words of encouragment

Learn2Live

Life does not stop. The other person will return again and again, often catching us by surprise. These are merely opportunities for us to look back and see just how far we have come; to remind ourselves of the tools we need to use every day to keep ourselves sane and our lives serene. Glad you are feeling better.