LeeRoy

It seems like each time I leave the house, even for the shortest trip to the store I come home and he's slurring. On the surface it appears that this is no liquor in the house and yet when I come home he is sloppy and I feel tricked and gullable.

Tonight I called him at his office, he said he was going to be working a bit late. I said okay, I was calling to let you know I might be home late as well. So after about and hour and half I call to let him know I'm heading home and when will he be leaving? Oh, he is ALREADY home, he decided not to work late after all. In my gut I believe he was unable to resist the opportunity to sock it away while I was gone and presumably wouldn't know...as if.

Often this is the case. I used to attend evening workouts with a group of my girlfriends but stopped because it is such a downer to leave that group and come home to a drunk who is putting on his best "sober" face. The last straw was when I came home from workout and wanted to go to nephew's football game immediately after so asked him to join me without "taking the temperature" of the situation. He stumbled more than once and I was mortified that I hadn't noticed before we got there. Now I am stuck in public with drunk. Of course he wasn't worried about appearances. I feel certain he thought know one would notice. After all, he thinks he's pulling it off and to his ears I'm sure the slurring sounds like articulation.

We have a bay house and he often has to go water the plants, mow(at night), or pick up some thing or another that he accidentally left there. Ends up taking three hours to do 45 minutes of watering. Of course he returns sloshed.

Now I know what you are thinking... maybe he's cheating...this sounds like an affair. Gawd I almost wish it was because at least I could compete with another woman. That I could simply put my foot down about and move on.

As it is, I don't do anything. I mean I'm not going to waste my breath arguing with a drunk who won't remember in the morning anyway. And in the morning, well it's off to work and other daily happenings, parenting, etc. Truth is, when you are married to an alcoholic, there is never a good time to have a legitimate conversation unless you take the day off. By 5:15 pm it's too late. Missed the window of opportunity again.

This is a tad longer than I'd anticipated but feel better just stating the obvious. Just because I am not here when you consume the alcohol does not mean it never happened and I won't notice. Duh!

Still Waters

Sounds pretty typical. Sloppy drunk, what? who? me? How dare you!

It's only progressive, it'll get worse.

bookwyrm

I began staying in more and more to 'police' his drinking - if I went out without him it was guaranteed that he'd get drunk. Not a good way to live...

kv816

Yeah, it's not worth it. I started avoiding doing things (even working over time and the money was always good with overtime). Not so much to patrol his drinking but because he would get "mouthy" when he was drinking so to avoid as much as I could I'd just not do the things that usually caused the uproar. So was not worth it.

I know what you mean though. I remember one of the last times we saw each other. We parted ways around 2:00 that afternoon and he called me at 5:00, obviously drunk. Well, I thought he was drunk anyway. He probably just burned his tongue on a piece of bacon.

RollTide

LeeRoy, I'm divorcing a man that I love very much because my story is just lilke yours and many others on here. We've signed the divorce papers and movers are coming Monday for his things. It all makes me sick. But...I keep telling myself that I'm a tough ole' buzzard and that I will survive. Peace to you.

pray4joy

In a way it is a relief to hear that others' behave exactly like my AH. That my "withdrawal" from life and activities is not unusual either. It feels like a kind of prison.
I'm glad we are going our separate ways soon. And that he is abstaining for now. It is pretty peaceful the last few days after 8 years of torment. Still it makes me angry & sad at the same time.
Blessings, D

myawakening

This totally hit home. I felt the same way. There was never a 'good' time to have an important discussion. He came home 'functioning drunk' and was always in a bad mood. If I tried to discuss something he would get argumentative. The only time I knew for sure we could have a real conversation was first thing Saturday or Sunday. After he had a chance to get outside the house on his own...all bets were off. Anything of importance would have to wait a week. After a while I just stopped talking.

Recently, prior to my moving out...we had an argument about why I spend so much time in my office (home office) and why I watch TV in another room. I told him because that way I didn't have to deal with his argumentative self. I told him I did eventually come out into the main part of our house...after he fell asleep drunk on the sofa!!!

There comes a moment in time where you have an awakening (hence my screen name)...a moment of clarity...where you realize there has to be more to life than this. I wanted a husband...a partner...someone to share my life with...to travel as we got older...to enjoy our grandchildren together someday. What I got was a selfish individual...another child to raise. My other children grew up and got married. The one left is still a child and always will be one.

Take care of yourself LeeRoy...stay strong.