tigger11

STBX-AH communicated via his atty and mine to come back to the house to get his stuff tomorrow at 11. He got a judge to grant him 48 hours to come get his stuff, and a stipulation that I not be there. He says he'll have a police escort. All of that's fine, I guess. I wish I felt more comfortable, though. Like that he won't take all wireless internet stuff, or anything else that he shouldn't take. I took pictures all 'round the house just to record what's here.

He wants my house. Yes, we bought this house together before we were married. He didn't even move to the state until 8 months later. He told his atty that he owned the house before I did. What a stupid lie. All she had to do was look it up, which she did. He had no interest in living in this state, never has. He's just trying to get back at me.

Said that he had no idea what was going on with me and that I've gone crazy, and everything has changed. Now I even have short, brown hair. Um... ya... I had it cut a couple of inches, and colored the same color I always do. Went crazy? Actually, just realized I was in danger, and got the heck out. I'm thinking I was crazy to stay as long as I did.

He filed for a temporary order of protection, and it was denied. YIPPEE! His claim was that he's afraid of me because I came to the house with a lady from the shelter and a cop. At least that's one of the text msgs from several weeks ago.

Then he said via atty's that he has a job offer contingent upon his residing at my house, and that he has it in writing. BS and Buwahahaha. Has anyone ever heard of that? Tomorrow I ask my atty to get a copy of this alleged document and call the alleged job and ask them if this is true, or if he could reside at... say... the house down the block, or on the other side of town? If not, why not. I want proof that he lies to share with the judge, should it be needed.

My sister said not to get too upset, divorces often have significant BS.

One of the things I dearly wish is that attys and judges understood what we here on SRFF know about alcoholics and their behavior. I somehow feel as though all I need to prove is that he's an alcoholic and the rest will fall into place, but "they" don't get that.

LaTeeDa

Your sister is right. The good thing is, it doesn't last forever. It will come to an end, and you will be free!

Well, the truth is that it just doesn't matter. Not in the eyes of the law in most US states. There is no law against being an alcoholic, and there is no significant recourse in terms of divorce. It's not fair, but that's the way it is.

The bright side, in my case, was that most of the hot air that came out of him was just that. Alcoholics are very good at bluster. They are not so good, however, at follow-through. When the bluster doesn't net him anything, and he finds out he will actually have to do some leg work to make his case, it will probably turn out to be too much trouble and too much of an inconvenience to his drinking career. At least that's what happened in my divorce. I hope it's the same with yours.

L

TakingCharge999

Just offering ((hugs)) and support. May God/HP allow you to feel your strength, and give you focus on what is really important: peace and freedom... this is just the last sprint before you get these prizes. One day at a time, we are here for you ((more hugs from me and the cats))

Jazzman

LTD is right, there's no law against being a jerk or a drunk. But remember your's isn't the only case like this the court system sees. They see these all the time and they're not stupid. His hot air will loose a lot of steam in front a judge that's seen his act many times before. Try not to let it get to you and most importantly do not react to it.

tigger11

Thanks LTD & Jazz. I'll definitely keep those things in mind.

Pelican

Hi tigger!

I just wanted to hijack and say that I love LTD's use of the word "bluster" in her reply!

Now, back to your concern. My ex also blew some bluster when I told him I was leaving. I did not give him the reaction he wanted. I remained calm.

((hugs))

tigger11

... And Taking Charge!

tigger11

Bucyn - It's wild how many of these guys read from the same script. My sister also says that lawyers and judges that have been doing this awhile can see BS coming a mile away. They may not be able to legally recognize alcoholism, but they can certainly take BS/lying into account. Just as Jazzman and LTD said. I loved what LTD said about...

it will probably turn out to be too much trouble and too much of an inconvenience to his drinking career.

I can definitely see this happening with him. He's lazy as $hit, thanks to the booze.

CatsPajamas

My ex was totally filled with bluster and other such things. He got big and mean with me a time or 2, telling me how it was going to be. I remember him trying it with a counselor who told him to back right on down again, and my favorite was when he started to tell the judge at our divorce how it was going to be. The judge said, "excuse me, this is MY court and I get to say how things will work here today, Mr. M. And you can go along with what I say or you can be charged with contempt of court and sit in a jail cell for awhile. What is your choice?"

Don't you just LOVE choices like that?

I gave in on a bunch of stuff that ultimately didn't matter. I made sure to keep my eye on the goal: I wanted to be healthy, happy and whole. Period. Everything else was just stuff or collateral damage. I decided I could get more stuff, different stuff. I just needed to be disentangled from him and his BS.

Good luck to you. Remember we're all there with you, holding your hand thru the scary parts.

Thumper

I am having a really hard time this week with my divorce. I've never been so scared. I have no idea where to draw the line on risking to much versus not being a doormat and looking out for my best interests. I want it all to be over so badly. I can't sleep, I can't think, my head will not stop hurting.

I can't predict what he will do or what a judge will do.

Jazzman

Not sure about your situation but in mine there were clear state guidelines that pretty much spelled out everything. A judge would have see overwhelming evidence to rule outside of the state guidelines. I could find all those guidelines on lots of different domestic law websites.

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

I think he is full of BS and when the time comes that he has to back up all of his BS, he will back off. It will just be too much work and we all know they do not follow through.

Take Care of yourself and try to focus on the positive. Soon you will be past all this and moving forward to a better life. Wish I had the courage to do it.

BunnyLaRoo

Hi Tigger11,

I really feel for you and hope you can stay strong. I have to agree with Jazzman and say that Judges see cases like yours way more regularly than they should, and they see the BS so often that I am sure they will smell any nonsense a mile off. Your attorney should/will be able to squash any nonsense for you but if they dont and some of the lies or crazy statements get through, the judges who have seen this palaver for years recognize it as such and shut it out of the case. Part of this whole process is to unnerve you rather than actually be part of the case.

Stay strong, be honest and truth will out!

Good luck and keep us informed.

Congratulations on getting out of a domestic abuse situation. It is very heartening to hear.

Bunny

Still Waters

Me too Thumper, I'm right there with ya, except I can't even afford an attorney so I'm going to have to go it alone.

Thing is, it'll all pan out, one way or another.