Irony
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Irony
Isn't it ironic how I took a drink to increase confidence (amongst a million other things) but ultimately it ended up shattering my confidence.
The hopelessness and fear that I felt about my future was created by the inevitable knowledge that no-matter what I did in my life or where i moved to there would always be a binge around the corner ready to knock my confidence and self-worth down into the dirt. I used to think I was going crazy man but now I am beginning to understand.
It was not untill I had been knocked down low enough to reach the conclusion that this crap just has to stop. I was tired of feeling downtrodden and hopeless coming off yet another bender. I reached my bottom and I saw my future in the early morning haze with remnants of a cocktail of booze and drugs niggling at my mind and screaming at me to take one more drink to make all the anxiety and sadness go away. I new I had to get out whilst i still could or face a certain future of prison, institutions or death.
I am so pleased I chose to get off that crazy train and now i don't feel hopelessness and fear when i think of the future or guilt and shame when i think of the past. Instead I feel optimism and gratitute that I managed to take it too the extreme at such a young age so that I could say with 100% certainty that any goodness from drink and drugs had been milked dry.
I am grateful for the fact that I have 100% acceptance of my alcoholism at 23 and ironically such a terrible affliction could in actual fact turn out to be a blessing... But only if I maintain sobriety one day at a time and remember Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic.
peace and love xxx
The hopelessness and fear that I felt about my future was created by the inevitable knowledge that no-matter what I did in my life or where i moved to there would always be a binge around the corner ready to knock my confidence and self-worth down into the dirt. I used to think I was going crazy man but now I am beginning to understand.
It was not untill I had been knocked down low enough to reach the conclusion that this crap just has to stop. I was tired of feeling downtrodden and hopeless coming off yet another bender. I reached my bottom and I saw my future in the early morning haze with remnants of a cocktail of booze and drugs niggling at my mind and screaming at me to take one more drink to make all the anxiety and sadness go away. I new I had to get out whilst i still could or face a certain future of prison, institutions or death.
I am so pleased I chose to get off that crazy train and now i don't feel hopelessness and fear when i think of the future or guilt and shame when i think of the past. Instead I feel optimism and gratitute that I managed to take it too the extreme at such a young age so that I could say with 100% certainty that any goodness from drink and drugs had been milked dry.
I am grateful for the fact that I have 100% acceptance of my alcoholism at 23 and ironically such a terrible affliction could in actual fact turn out to be a blessing... But only if I maintain sobriety one day at a time and remember Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic.
peace and love xxx
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Awesome share Neo and you are right about your age. You have saved yourself so much in the way of a good, healthy future with a solid foundation in an area of your spirit that few your age will grasp. Good and bad are things to be grateful for because without the taste of bad we wouldn't appreciate the difference good has to offer. Gratitude is key. Outstanding post.
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