lostmyway

Last week I was determined to stop drinking and I have failed. I had this novel idea that being sober was going to allow me to be happy and have energy to play with my kids. Instead I had panic attacks and was nearly climbing the walls. All I could do was lie on the couch and fight the urge to fall asleep. I was a cranky, miserable person to be around. It was such hell that I decided anything, even being drunk, would be a better alternative. I got some beer and couldn't stop drinking, it was all I could do to feel like me again.

I don't understand it...I always thought of heavy drinkers as dysfunctional people, yet I am seemingly more dysfunctional when I DON'T drink.

I really need to quit and I just don't think I can.

least

I too caved in to the urge to get numb. Now I'm going thru withdrawal and it's miserable. And it's my own fault. I hope you can stop drinking. It's just not worth it.

Anna

You were experiencing withdrawls and that is a difficult time for everyone. Your body needs to get rid of the poisons and begin to function normally again. It's common to have a lot of anxiety and trouble sleeping when you first stop drinking.

I hope you make the decision to live a sober life.

Saphie

What you have experienced is the very vicious circle of being an alcoholic. You are damned if you do and you are damned if you don't. You will get through this if you persist. It's not easy and you might need medical help, but it's so worth it. Please don't give up.

Tazman53

Welcome to SR lostmyway, I know exactly what you went through, I spent a lot of years doing just that. You see for me back then drinking was my solution to everything, the reason behind this was I did not know how to deal with life sober. I probably went through the cycle you described for at least 5 years..... the I crossed an invisible line, I had to drink every day just to function. For the next 5 years I doubt I drew a single sober breath, my life revolved around drinking.

How did I stop? Well I gave up trying to stop my way because it did not work, I admitted to myself I had no idea how to stop drinking, I called a drug and alcohol hotline, they got me a doctors appointment the next day. For the first time in many many years I told some one the whole truth about my drinking.

Was that the key... telling the whole truth about my drinking to some one? Heck no, even though honesty was my key to sobriety I also had to be willing to do what ever it took to stop drinking and stay stopped.

Are you willing to do what ever it takes to stop drinking and stay stopped?

The doctor told me I needed to be medically detoxed, well I was willing to do what ever it took so I was medically detoxed.

In detox they told us if we wanted a chance to stay sober we should go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor. Well I knew at this point that I had no clue how to stay sober, so when I got out of detox, I did just what they suggested.

In AA my sponsor and many others said if I wanted a good chance at long term sobriety to take the steps with my sponsor, I did just that.

That was 1,177 days ago. Was it tough at first? You bet your sweet bippie it was, but with the experience, strength, & hope of fellow alcoholics I got through those early days, all of the bad things you spoke of experienceing I experienced, but this time I was not doing it alone, I had help, I had the help of people who had gone through just what I had gone through. They helped me by telling me what they did to get through early sobriety.

The one thing we all had in common was that we wanted to not drink more then we wanted to drink and we were willing to do anything to not drink and we did not do it alone, we helped each other.

Today an average day for me is beyond my wildest dreams the last years I was drinking.

Have you been to your doctor and told the WHOLE truth about your drinking?

Dee74

Hi lostmyway

It can be very rough - physically as well as mentally - thats why we recommend people see a Dr when they quit.

In the longer term I think it's why so many people use some kind of recovery programme.
We're changing our lives, and thats no small thing.

I drank for years - I was leaving behind a 'me' I'd been for 15 years...but it wasn't a me I wanted to be anymore, and I know now it wasn't the real me anyway.

Don't give up. Get back on that horse.
It is possible

D

lostmyway

Thank you everyone...I will not drink tonight. I will be heading home soon and I am in desperate need of a nap but I'm sure my kids will have other ideas. Physically I am feeling awful but I'll get through somehow.

Horselover

Whatever you do Lost, don't give up. You will feel better about yourself if you can get through the first few days and Dee is right about its a lifestyle change.

I'm a Mom, as I told you earlier, and my routine was getting through every day until 4 - 5 pm. That was the magic hour for me and I was sleepy right up until that time every day. I couldn't wait to start drinking then. I would feel like a Mom with more energy and more tolerance. The key is I would "feel" like I was, but I wasn't. I didn't give my child more attention once I poured that drink. The drink stole all my attention.

Now, about 3 or 4 pm I pour a cup of coffee and its a tall cup. I put my favorite flavored creamer in it and I look forward to this believe it or not as much as I did the wine. It gives me an afternoon kick and I am off and running. Your life can change. Believe me if mine could yours can. There is no reason under the sun that you can't change yourself.

Also turn to SR if that's your form of recovery as it has been mine and post when you want to drink. Its an urge and you can get past it and will be stronger the next time it hits. Ask for help BEFORE you pick up. Make a promise not to drink for 24 hours. Feel gratitude for your life. The gratitude is what has changed my life so profoundly. I can't feel sorry for myself if I'm grateful for what I am and what I have.

These are just some ideas be tossed your way from one Mom to another Mom. Hugs - Sarah

CarolD

De toxing from alcohol is a miserable time for most people.
Have you discussed this with your doctor?

Here is a link with info and some of our experiences

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Blessings to you and your family