He even has his mother harrassing me...

Old 12-07-2009, 07:12 AM
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He even has his mother harrassing me...

Ugh, the ex was supposed to drop off the plates to the car he wrecked so I can turn it in for insurance purposes. His mom apparently has made him work today and he didn't even bother to tell me until just now. I am not responding back to him at all at this point just left a message to drop them off asap but both his mother and him are texting me, sending emails, and blowing up my phone. His mother left me a note saying that she has found out that kicking him out is "counterproductive" and that he needs both her and my help to kick it.Grrr...this has made me so angry today and I am writing right now to get it out of my system and just go on with my day. I mean he's 27 years old and his mother is trying to amend his wrongdoings to me? (in the past hour she has called my phone at least a dozen times leaving messages with the excuse that his grandmother doesn't know where to send his gift. I know it's bs and just and excuse to open up communication. I feel bad because I like her a lot but I know where this is going and I am just one big ball of anxiety right now and just extremely mad... This just showed me today that he never is going to change...Thanks for listening...
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Old 12-07-2009, 07:48 AM
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If anyone can make you angry, you are the loser.

If anyone can steal your happiness and peace away from you, you are the loser.

Blocking the phone numbers and/or deleting the texts, without reading is powerful stuff.
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Old 12-07-2009, 08:00 AM
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I'm kind of having the same problem...I know how you feel. It is hard not to get so consumed with all of the guilt they try to lay on you. I do have to tell myself that it will get better...everyday that passes I will get better at not allowing the nonsense their addiction brings to consume my life.

He poured it on pretty thick last night...saying I don't know how to love unconditionally and that if I would just be more accepting and not rag on him all the time then he would have an easier time quitting....BOY, you can only imagine how that made me feel...but I dug myself back out of the whole and I'm working on MYSELF today...

Hope your situation gets better and just know you have someone that knows what you are going thru...
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Old 12-07-2009, 08:10 AM
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If blocking their numbers and not reading their texts is too difficult for you as I understand it may be ......................................... here is a short response to both of them, repeated over and over like a broken record:

"Not My Problem."

Or expand just a teeny bit:

"Not My Problem, His (Your) Problem."

Over and over and over and over. We all know where 'mommy' is coming from and you DO NOT have to feed into either of their BS.

Just keep at the forefront of your mind, that the ONLY PERSON you can HELP and FIX is yourself. End of story.

If you need help in reminders, make a list of all the WONDERFUL (note sarcasm here) things that transpired during the relationship. Rereading the list as often as necessary should be a BIG HELP in bringing you back to reality.

Please keep posting and venting here. We DO understand. We have been where you are now. You can get through this.

Love and hugs,
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Old 12-07-2009, 08:46 AM
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Originally Posted by tchappy View Post

He poured it on pretty thick last night...saying I don't know how to love unconditionally and that if I would just be more accepting and not rag on him all the time then he would have an easier time quitting ....
This gets my vote as the biggest load of manipulative BS.

Is he out of your house, now?
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Old 12-07-2009, 08:59 AM
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I just wanted to say that my exabf accused me at one point of being the reason he used and that I nagged him all of the time with suspicions so it was my fault. It IS the biggest load of manipulative bs when they say that 'we don't care enough'. In the email his mother sent today, she said that I am a mother so I must understand her feelings...it just went on with what I mentioned before that he needs both of our help. I mean again, I know she means well but this is part of her attempt to control the situation. I used to feel at odds with her because I didn't see my own role in all of this and would even blame her for giving him money, even practically begged her not to give him money even if we were broke. It's just crazy how I can now see that I was playing the co-dependency part just as much as her and feel terrible that I even had the crazy notion, if she'd stop maybe he would stop...That makes me mad at myself. And I agree I am a loser for letting it get to me but that is why I am venting here, to get it off of my chest and not allow it to work. I did not talk back to her and I won't play into the guilt by contacting them but like recovery from addiction it is not an easy process to become cured, and the thought patterns, people, and situations that in a sense trigger the co-dependency in the first place can still trigger emotions and old behavior but I guess the first steps are identifying them and starting to find the strength to say NO MORE! Taking different actions to stop my old behavior and reactions right?

Thank you to everyone who replied...I really just needed help today, the phone calls have subsided and I feel a lot better and more ready to get back to my studies.
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Old 12-07-2009, 09:56 AM
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Originally Posted by outtolunch View Post

If anyone can make you angry, you are the loser.

If anyone can steal your happiness and peace away from you, you are the loser.
Originally Posted by want2Bfree325 View Post

And I agree I am a loser for letting it get to me but
Subtle, yet critical difference between being the loser and a loser.
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Old 12-07-2009, 10:28 AM
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I worded it wrong but I knew what you meant. I didn't mean to call myself "a loser"...I was just agreeing that it was my loss since I had let it upset me...
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Old 12-08-2009, 07:32 AM
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MY mil tried to do the same things as your bf's mom for him and towards me, so i know how you mist feel. i remember when i resented her for enabling him and her expecting me to do the same. it took a long tme for me to accept that i had no control over her or how she handled her son's addiction, but it was up to me whether or not i allowed her actions to effect me. it helped me to gently ecplain to her that it was better for me if when we do have conversations, it don't include anything concerning my ah. they both had a way of trying to convince me that i'm suppose to be there for him even though doing so was making me and the kids crazy.

sometimes no contact worked better for me when it came to the both of them. where to send a gift? since you are not responding, maybe they will figure that it might be best if its sent to him at his mom's. i'm glad to hear that you are not falling for all of this and is able to continue to keep focusing on you.
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