wuzzled

I need to sort my life out. I need to figure out which path to take. My head is so boggled and the stress right now seem so insurmountable, I can't focus, I can't concentrate. I just cry.

Absolutely everything is falling apart, and fast. 24/7 I am trying to figure this out, even in my sleep.

Right now, I just want the world to stop, so I can get off!

It seems there are no solutions to ANYTHING, and I don't know where to turn. I am so afraid. I have dreams of where I will end up, and they are not pretty. I don't want to be awake, yet I don't want to sleep. I haven't been able to eat for two days, my stomach is in knots, and I feel like throwing up, but can't.

I don't know how to trust my HP right now, I just can't shut my brain up. I am not able to stay in today, because tomorrow and the future looks so grim. I know I need to make decisions and keep moving forward one step at a time, but my mind just won't stop racing.

There is so much going on and I can't do anything. I feel like I could totally break down at any time. I just want my life back. I don't want to deal with any of this anymore. Don't know how to get it together. Everything seems impossible.

cessy68

What can't you find your way out of wuzzled?

Is it about your post the other day, about being short w/ money? (loosing the income from your child care?)

Elaborate please.

Love,
Cess

wuzzled

Yes.

I can't elaborate really, cause I just can't concentrate. I keep trying to go through my options, but i have trouble making any decision, i am scared to move forward, don't know what direction to go.

Just so overwhelmed right now.

cessy68

In "Boys on the Side", (a movie) Whoopie Goldberg made a statement to a friend who was dyeing...... she was overwhelmed, the friend said, "I don't know where to go, I don't know where to go". Whoppie responded by saying, "sometimes when you don't know where to go, it's best to stay right where you are."

I was where you are last year. A member here coached me through some simple steps.... pretty much following what I just wrote. I just stayed still. I tried to calm my mind, and as difficult as it was, once I settled down a bit, (in my cocoon of a bed) I dragged myself down to my office. I got out the 'bill folder', grabbed my phone and started makeing calls. One by one, I sat on what seemed like eternal hold and waited to speak to each creditor. I told each one that I lost my job.......and that I needed to make a resonable payment arrangement. I would ask for a supervisor when they would try to strong-arm me into something I wouldn't be able to make.

SO- #1.) pay the rent mortgage.
#2) the car/insurance. (shop the insurance I found much lower, and reduced coverage)
#3.) utilities.......(there are many programs out there from the state, and they can't shut u off in the winter (november -april)
#4.) Cheap groceries. There are ways here.... truely. Use dishtowels instead of paper towels. Ramen noodles....... drink powder instead of juice, cheap p.b. and jelly w/ white bread. chicken drumsticks.........and rice!!

Tell the credit cards to go ...... u know. You can always rebuild your credit later. Just think of basics when you are in this position.

I know it's hard wuzzled, but you have some income and the roof over your head.....(just as I did). Come to grips w/ things are going to just be 'different' for a while, and tell yourself you WILL get through it.

Does this help at all?

Love,
Cess

wuzzled

I get what you are saying.

I worry at this point about even being able to make my mortgage payment.

I know I need to sell my house and get my equity to payoff my debt, and move on. My home is large (3200 sq ft. + large barn) we have so much stuff collected over the years, moving it and finding a place for it seems impossible. I know it's not, but . . . .

I will have to sell much of the furniture, only keeping the basics, but don't know how to go about it. I am just overwhelmed. Want to crawl in my bed like you, pull cover over my head, and not come out til it's over.

I so don't want to ruin my credit standing. I have always had excellent credit, can't imagine what life would be like with bad credit. Will I be able to rent even. I am almost 50. I worry about what I will do for employment if I don't have a place to try to continue childcare.

I don't know that I really want to continue childcare, I don't want to deal with the stress of not having enough kids. I know if I can't keep full enrollment, I will not be able to continue. This economy is not good, and with so many out of work, they just don't need childcare. Funny, years ago I thought this would be a business that would not be a problem, after all people need to work, and they will need childcare for their children. Never would I have thought that our economy would be as bad as it is. That is also why I worry about even having a job if I quit daycare. No one is hiring, and I need to obtain some skills. I can do secretarial if I can be more proficient on new software programs. I was really good at it before. I type over 80 words/min. I have the ability, I just need to brush up. 16 years is a long time out. Plus, I think people don't look at home child care as a "real" business or job. They just think we sit at home doing nothing.

ItsmeAlice

Wuzzled we are in the same boat.

I've gotten myself so overdrawn, I owe the bank more in fees than I had in the darn account to start with. It is what it is. I paid for gas and food with that money, and I honestly did think I had enough in there.

I, too, wish I could pull the covers over my head and make it all go away.

I'm scrounging as much work as I can muster with my current job and still looking for an additional job to add some funds. I've cut every corner I can and paid just the basics to keep us all fed and housed.

All I can do is have faith. I have faith that if I keep plugging my way forward, things will improve for me.

If you have a digital camera walk around your home and take pics of the furniture you want to sell. It need not be fancy photo, just enough to get a sense of the item. Put an ad on craigslist.com for your area with a detailed description. Be sure to include "or best offer" in your ad. It may be worth receiving 5 or 10 dollars less to get a buyer. Offer to deliver it locally if you are able, that can sometimes inspire a buyer who's on the fence.

I've been seeing a lot garage sales in our area at the Lions Club, VFW, and churches. They are getting alot more traffic now than in the summer probably because everyone's dollars are shorter this Christmas and the bigger the sale, the more interest it draws. Call around and see if any churches or other groups in your area are holding a rummage sale next weekend or in the near future. You may be able to at least bring a few items.

Getting $50 in cash for a few things sold will go along way for staple items at the market or will keep the utilities happy until you can send more.

Wishing you the best!

Alice

outtolunch

Awfulizing the future is crippling.

Focus on right now rather than the future. Getting caught up in future is classic awfulizing.

Avoid absolute thinking, such as always and never.

There is a best case and worst case scenario to everything. Reality is usually somewhere in the middle.

Right now, you have a roof over your head and are current with your mortgage payments. Woo-Hoo. Tens of millions of people would be thrilled to change places with you, right now.

Right now, you are OK.[B]

Ignore the holidays, in terms of gifting. Christmas, like everything, passes. Do not incur more debt to feel good in the moment.

You have the luxury of time to work things out. Breathe.

outtolunch

On another thread " whereami" just posted something that makes a lot of sense:

I would say my best advice is to take it one day at a time and make a grateful list of everything you appreciate and keep it in your pocket.

itisatruth

((((wuzzled))) You sound so overwhelmed, is there a way you can put some more focus on just you? I mean, do some things for yourself, pamper yourself in some way (cheaply), get out of the house so you can be distracted enough to get some of these things off your mind (even if it's just for a while), talk to your doctor or a therapist perhaps because anxiety/depression may be something to consider. I know it's not always easy to let all this kind of stuff "go" just like that, but remember, this too shall pass. Maybe make a list of things you need to do, then prioritize them: on one side you can have things you can do right now, then on the other side you can put the things you can't do anything about right now - or that you haven't been able to make a decision about. Then promise yourself to only think about the ones you can do now. Like outtolunch said, breathe.....you can do this.

Thinking of you...

Carol Star

I went through downsizing and just did one inch of the football field at a time. I like it now with less clutter. I just kept stuff I loved. I sold or gave the rest to someone else who would love it. An auction guy gave me about 60% of what stuff was worth. I took alot to the dump. I still have a house to sell, small,in the mts. of Va. on a lake. It has the most beautiful view, I am having a bit of a time letting it go. I have it rented out at the moment. I rent a basement apt. that is fine. I have downsized alot and it is simplier. Sometimes it is ok just to don't just do something- sit there. I wrote out a plan and did little inches at a time. Now when I shop I ask myself-do I want it o do I need it?

ItsmeAlice

one inch of the football field at a time

I like this thinking. Thank you for posting it!

Alice

frankly

(((wuzzled)))

All of the above is great advice. But here is something you really need to prioritize. YOURSELF. All of these thing, are just that, things. None of them have any value. Only you have value. Yea, sure, things are nice to have, but first things first. Taking care of yourself is #1 on your list. Having bad credit, well hon, it's not the end of the world. So what would be the worst that could happen, you couldn't buy things on credit anymore. That could be the biggest blessing you ever had. Because this will pass, and things will get better, and then your earnings will not be going to all that compounding interest and the eternal trap of paying someone else over and over...forever. You will eventually find that you will have more without the stress that comes with debt.

So before you do anything, stop and breath. Either get up early and watch a sunrise, or sit outside and watch a sunset. Concentrate on how beautiful it is. Look around you, look at nature, think about how wonderous and peaceful it is. Think about the thing that is THE Most Important of all.....you.

Then when you are ready, and calm (which would usually take a good clensing of tears for me) then wipe your cheeks, blow your nose, and tell yourself, by golly, I CAN do this. I WILL do this. And make a plan. Don't worry about weather or not the plan is right or not, just know that no matter what, there is nothing around you that means more than YOU. People have value, what surrounds them is just wood and stone and plastic and chemicals (yuck) (-:

Sending lots of love and Hugs your way.
B

Impurrfect

((Wuzzled)) - I'm sorry you're having such a rough time, but I understand. I'm working 2 jobs, need another one and still can't pay bills. My dad had perfect credit a year ago, is self employed, and is having his bankruptcy hearing next month. Yes, it has hurt his pride, but he can't control the economy any more than you or I can.

You've gotten some good advice. I get overwhelmed, too, but I'm fortunate enough that I work in a restaurant and we have the occasional homeless person come in. To see someone come in with all their belongings in a plastic sack, and count out their change to pay for a cup of coffee (which I never let them pay for anyway) just so they can sit down and be warm.....well, it puts MY problems in perspective. These are not addicts. The ones I've gotten to know have been people who just had a run of bad luck.

I put a time limit on my "crazy days"...I may actually spend one day in the bed (working the other 6, I feel it's not too excessive), have myself a good cry and throw one heck of a pity party! Other days, I only give myself a maximum of 30 minutes to "get it out of my system". Then I make myself get up and do what I need to do THAT DAY. As mentioned above, a gratitude list always helps.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

wuzzled

thanks for reminding of this. I know that reality will probably not be as bad as my mind thinks it will. I always have trouble not looking too far ahead, and fill myself with much worry.

I don't even want to put the tree up. It is so much work and I just am not in the spirit. I have already told my daughter that there will not really be much Christmas this year. I had already picked up a few things for her, and that will be all there is. This totally breaks my heart. I feel guilty about not wanting to put up the tree, I just don't see why do it. It takes too much work to put it up and take it down, and like I said, I am just not feeling it. There will be nothing under it anyway. I already told my family that I am not having Christmas at my house this year. (Every year, holidays are at my house).

cessy68

Aw, come on wuzzled............. how old is your daughter?

Christmas means different things to different people. I do agree w/ the fact that in time this too will pass...... but so does life. Do you want to live life, waiting for it to pass you by?

Regret is worse than feeling 'blue' or not 'feeling it', wether 'it' is doing laundry, or dishes, or putting up a tree.

My daughter is leaving for a semester abroad Jan 3rd. It's bad enough she is 3000 miles away at college, now she comes home on Dec. 18th for christmas, and leaves again for EUROPE. My heavens, how time has flown by. (I'm only 40) but I had her so young, that she is my daughter and my friend now. My only regret, is that when she was about 7,8,9, (that age area) I was going through my divorce, and wasn't 'feelin' much of anything. I remember those days, focused on my own misery, and she was sorta secondary. Don't get me wrong, my kids were ALWAYS my priortity, they were to school on time, dressed well, I went through all the motions......... BUT I wasn't always present, even while i was THERE. My mind was elsewhere, sad confused, scared.

Many years have passed and I learned immensly from that time in my life. There is NOTHING that will stop my joy with every moment I get with her, and my boys. SURE, do I have struggles, yep. YOU betcha. Thats why I'm here. BUT when it comes to day-2-day life, and holidays with my kids, I push past my stuff, and fake it till I make it!! Then I remember what the holidays are all about. It's about us. Our families, our love, and the gift of our life.

Don't regret down the road wuzzled. Don't say to yourself someday,that you wish you paid more attention to what 'really' mattered this christmas...........

This response to you is not intended to be about me, I'm just trying to share some of what I've learned along the way..... and how i've helped myself. I hope it can help you as well.

Love,
Cess

outtolunch

Consider doing it anyway. It will take your mind off of the current situation. It will also put you in a position to take stock of all the Christmas crap you have accummulated, ( assumption on my part) over the years. Donate it to GoodWill and get a receipt for a tax deduction.

Carol Star

My little tree is 2ft.tall.....and I love it.....Obama said "one inch of the football field at a time",about how to fix the countrie"s economic situation..One year my Mom was broke for Xmas..She took a little Charlie Brown tree and spray painted it silver.......and taped silver Kennedy half dollars on it........She gave me a money tree and I never forgot it. It wasn't much $ but it was beautiful.

justtired

I'm so sorry you are feeling so stressed right now and unsure what to do. It definitely can be paralyzing when no option seems like the right one. What helps me is when I start making plans for action. Have you made a list of all of your expenses? I own rental properties and I'm always amazed at the stuff (non necessities) people hang onto even though they can't seem to pay rent. Walk into their apt. and they have big screen tv, stereo system etc. Not that I'm saying you are like that, but even things like cable, if you have it, can be downgraded or eliminated, and like Cessy said, there are all kinds of assistance programs out there that might be able to help you.

I do hope that you will find it in you to celebrate the holidays. I've allowed holidays to be ruined for me due to substance abuse junk and I wish I wouldn't have. Last year, I completely minimized. I got a table tree instead of the big daddy tree. I got simpler gifts and only people who sent me cards got them back. Christmas is the perfect time to be thankful for the things you do have. You will make it through this! Hang in there!

MsPINKAcres

Honey I know it must seem overwhelming -

I too agree with the suggestions to stop - take that deep breath and take it
ONE DAY AT A TIME
ONE STEP AT A TIME
ONE BREATH AT A TIME

I am 45 yrs old and over the past yr have lost many many of the things you are talking about losing - It has been tough, sad, heartbreaking and discouraging.

BUT today I live in Peace. Internal Peace, Sanity, Safety and Serenity

It does take a while - but it can happen - slowly and surely.

prayers for you!
HUGS,
Rita

wuzzled

I've been thinking about the tree thing. My daughter is 15. My grandma has two small table trees, and I think I will ask her if I can borrow one to use instead of putting up my big tree. Kinda like a "small" tree, for a "small" Christmas.

I know how quickly time passes with our children being kids, living at home with us. I have two sons that are 31 and 26. It seems impossible they are this old already. My 26 year old is far away in upstate NY, and I miss his so much.

I am trying to move forward, one step at a time. I know that I am going to sell my house, and I think just making this decision has helped. I will figure out the rest in time. It's like moving down a dark alley, and I can't see my way and don't know where I'm going.

Al-anon is tonight and I hope to make it there. We are expecting a horrible snow storm today, it's already started but supposed to get worse through the day. I know I need to get there though, I didn't go last week.