becoming numb.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 4
becoming numb.
I am new to this forum, also new to Al Anon.
I feel incredibly stuck and incredibly numb. I dont want this to be my life. I feel like I am the only one in my Abf's life who believes there is a problem.
Due to resources that are met by my Abf, I cannot leave, it is just not feasible.
But I dont know what to do. How do I walk around the target? I feel like I am losing myself, even as hard as I try to concentrate on myself and what I believe in.
I try to be strong, but the eggshells get the best of me.
I feel incredibly stuck and incredibly numb. I dont want this to be my life. I feel like I am the only one in my Abf's life who believes there is a problem.
Due to resources that are met by my Abf, I cannot leave, it is just not feasible.
But I dont know what to do. How do I walk around the target? I feel like I am losing myself, even as hard as I try to concentrate on myself and what I believe in.
I try to be strong, but the eggshells get the best of me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
Hi and Welcome!
The weekends are a little slow here, but more will be along soon to welcome you also.
You mentioned in another post that your abf is physically abusive. PLEASE use all the resources available to you and GET OUT. My father was physically abusive to my mom and sisters and I. He nearly killed her the night she told him she was divorcing him. No person is worth your life. There is help out there, you just have to find it.
Be safe : )
The weekends are a little slow here, but more will be along soon to welcome you also.
You mentioned in another post that your abf is physically abusive. PLEASE use all the resources available to you and GET OUT. My father was physically abusive to my mom and sisters and I. He nearly killed her the night she told him she was divorcing him. No person is worth your life. There is help out there, you just have to find it.
Be safe : )
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Welcome! Please take some time to read the sticky posts at the top of the forum (particularly the section marked 'about abuse') - there is so much wisdom and information there - they really helped me open my eyes and see that I do have options, no matter what STBXAH 'encouraged' me to think. You are not alone in this. You will read parts of your own story in other people's posts - this really surprised me!
You have options even if you think you don't. Please, contact your nearest shelter and find out what you can do to save yourself.
:ghug3
You have options even if you think you don't. Please, contact your nearest shelter and find out what you can do to save yourself.
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Addictlover - Please be aware that the recommendations of Alanon can be in direct opposition to the recommendations for someone living in an abusive situation. Alanon teaches about detachment, you see, and when you start to detach from your abuser that will often lead to MORE control, isolation and abuse.
Your best resource for information and counsel is with your local or national domestic abuse hotline. Please, only call when your abuser is gone and be very careful to wipe your history clean from your computer and telephones: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Your best resource for information and counsel is with your local or national domestic abuse hotline. Please, only call when your abuser is gone and be very careful to wipe your history clean from your computer and telephones: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the Sober Recovery Family!
Please pull out your keyboard and make yourself at home. The permanent posts (stickies) at the top of this forum contain valuable information and some of our stories.
Here are some of the things that helped me when I realized my partner was beyond controlling alcohol but was being controlled by alcohol.
Do Not confront an alcoholic that has been drinking. Step away from the drunk.
The 3 C's
You did not cause this
You can not control this
You will not cure this
and this:
I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable (Alanon Step 1)
I had to accept that I could not control his drinking. No amount of bargaining, pleading, crying or yelling was going to change him. The only thing I had control to change was myself, my reactions, my circumstances.
Please take care of yourself, you are worth the effort!
Please pull out your keyboard and make yourself at home. The permanent posts (stickies) at the top of this forum contain valuable information and some of our stories.
Here are some of the things that helped me when I realized my partner was beyond controlling alcohol but was being controlled by alcohol.
Do Not confront an alcoholic that has been drinking. Step away from the drunk.
The 3 C's
You did not cause this
You can not control this
You will not cure this
and this:
I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable (Alanon Step 1)
I had to accept that I could not control his drinking. No amount of bargaining, pleading, crying or yelling was going to change him. The only thing I had control to change was myself, my reactions, my circumstances.
Please take care of yourself, you are worth the effort!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Princeton, NJ
Posts: 10
Welcome to the Al-Anon program. As others have pointed out, do not tolerate abuse, there are resources for domestic violence victims.
My qualifier has never physically abused me. Verbally or emotionally, that could be (the mood swings, the anger, the sarcasm, etc.), but it's nothing I'm not willing and able to tolerate for now.
I can so closely relate to your comment that you don't want this to be your life. How many times did I have that same thought. But when I slip into that mentality I remember the "Just For Today" thoughts:
"Just for Today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime."
It gives me some peace. I hope it helps you also.
My qualifier has never physically abused me. Verbally or emotionally, that could be (the mood swings, the anger, the sarcasm, etc.), but it's nothing I'm not willing and able to tolerate for now.
I can so closely relate to your comment that you don't want this to be your life. How many times did I have that same thought. But when I slip into that mentality I remember the "Just For Today" thoughts:
"Just for Today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime."
It gives me some peace. I hope it helps you also.
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