merrygoround

Well I served my ex with Court papers a week ago tomorrow. You know I don’t even remember what it was like now to be with him barely. He says he will show, but I don’t think he will. If he was interested in his son, he would have made him a priority right. I just can’t believe he is not interested in him. He is more selfish than I ever would have thought.

It’s his birthday today and I bet he is out whoopin it up not even worried about the upcoming Court date. He just plain and simply don’t care. I have witnessed it all over the past two years. What an awful man. I can’t wait to get back to my old self. I am almost there I just have one more tie to break. You know what I bet I still hear from him occasionally after the Court date. That will suck. He makes me feel like I am stuck in some deep dark hole, trying to climb my way out of it. Hopefully the Judge will help. He or she seems to be my only salvation. One lesson I learned is never to be curious about addiction. One thing I wish I could take back, except then, I wouldn’t have my son. I tended to believe I could help those people, oh and they all listened for a while, that is while their dealer was (I thought) listening. I hope I never see their faces again. All those faces of addiction and those that were just getting hooked, lined and sinkered, sort of speak, by my ex.

I look forward to the day that the ties will be broken, and then I can finally move on and believe that I did only have my son on my own. After all, isn’t that what happened. Maybe then my nightmares will end. Maybe then I can wash the filth off.

All those pictures I saw, while pregnant and during the past year, of him partying like he was having the time of his life. He still is having the time of his life, or so it seems. How can he not care about his son. Maybe it’s because he believes his son is in a safe place, with me. I Doubt that that would be his reasoning. He says he will rip me up in Court. I would surely like to know how.

I won’t be able to go out anymore to the bars around here, but then, who cares, never liked it anyways. I am sure I pissed a lot of people off with my Court papers. Those girls he was with, well they so liked to taunt me. They must have gotten the shock of their lives when I served him. I told pretty much all and I happen to believe it was the best thing I could have done for me and my children. Now we can be free and happy.

rayofsunshine

Hi Merrygoround. You know, with an addict, their #1 priority is chasing the drug. Family is way down on their list as the addiction progresses. You are doing the right thing for you and your son, serving the papers. You won't have to have a front row seat to the madness any longer. Keep reading and posting and you'll get stronger and healthy as you work through this. Sometimes we don't realize the toll addiction has taken on US until the addict is out of the picture. We need healing too. Hope you'll stick around.

(((HUGS)))