Gut feeling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
Gut feeling
Crap! I just have a bad feeling about my 29 yr old son.
He was in homeless shelters from Dec 08-Jul 09 when he checked himself into a local hospitals detox/recovery program. It was very short (typically 5 days, he managed to stay about 14) inpatient then a 3 day a week outpatient program. He started on Suboxone and found a recovery house that he was accepted into for 6 months. He has about 5-6 weeks left of that time.
Things for him appeared to be going well, not perfect, but well. He was attending the 3 meetings at the house each day and the 2-3 required outside 12 step meetings. He even seemed to find some meetings that he liked/enjoyed. The owner of the recovery house decided after my son had been there about 1 mo. or so that he didn't want people on Suboxone anymore, so my son had to ween off pretty quicky. Claims he's been ok w/that.
Anyway . . . what has me not feeling good today is just a gut feeling that something isn't right. We met this morning, he had some purchases to make - I was rushed because I had 2 meetings back to back - so I gave him $25 instead of going with him to make purchases. I've done that once or twice in the past 5 months & it has been ok - he shows me the purchase and the receipt. After my 2 meetings he calls me & says he is still in my job area & would I like to meet for lunch, so we go to Taco Bell. I asked him if he still had the $25, he said yeah, it's in my backpack. A couple weeks ago he would have said yeah (whipped it out of his pocket) and said see. But not today - just, it's in my backpack. I know his card # and PIN to his EBT (cash assistance) card & came back to my desk to look at that (I know I shouldn't, it's none of my business, it's his problem not mine, etc.) and he got $100 deposited 12/1 and has made cash withdrawals and is down to $3. Doesn't look good - doesn't feel good - it's not my problem right . . .
I hope by posting I'll get it OUT and can go about the remainder of my day and weekend not obsessing about it, not worrying about it and hopefully focusing on my life, not his.
It just hurts and makes me sad. I guess there's no way around that huh?
He was in homeless shelters from Dec 08-Jul 09 when he checked himself into a local hospitals detox/recovery program. It was very short (typically 5 days, he managed to stay about 14) inpatient then a 3 day a week outpatient program. He started on Suboxone and found a recovery house that he was accepted into for 6 months. He has about 5-6 weeks left of that time.
Things for him appeared to be going well, not perfect, but well. He was attending the 3 meetings at the house each day and the 2-3 required outside 12 step meetings. He even seemed to find some meetings that he liked/enjoyed. The owner of the recovery house decided after my son had been there about 1 mo. or so that he didn't want people on Suboxone anymore, so my son had to ween off pretty quicky. Claims he's been ok w/that.
Anyway . . . what has me not feeling good today is just a gut feeling that something isn't right. We met this morning, he had some purchases to make - I was rushed because I had 2 meetings back to back - so I gave him $25 instead of going with him to make purchases. I've done that once or twice in the past 5 months & it has been ok - he shows me the purchase and the receipt. After my 2 meetings he calls me & says he is still in my job area & would I like to meet for lunch, so we go to Taco Bell. I asked him if he still had the $25, he said yeah, it's in my backpack. A couple weeks ago he would have said yeah (whipped it out of his pocket) and said see. But not today - just, it's in my backpack. I know his card # and PIN to his EBT (cash assistance) card & came back to my desk to look at that (I know I shouldn't, it's none of my business, it's his problem not mine, etc.) and he got $100 deposited 12/1 and has made cash withdrawals and is down to $3. Doesn't look good - doesn't feel good - it's not my problem right . . .
I hope by posting I'll get it OUT and can go about the remainder of my day and weekend not obsessing about it, not worrying about it and hopefully focusing on my life, not his.
It just hurts and makes me sad. I guess there's no way around that huh?
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i'm sorry too. don't mean no harm but they always told me when you go looking under rocks, you're bound to find something. for me, it always seemed best to know as little as possible about what my ah was doing. it was easier for me to keep focusing on me. i do pray that you are wrong on this one but for me sometimes my gut feelings proved to be basically right on.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
JMF,
I have done and felt exactly as you do right now. I have always felt "not my probelm, but I just NEED to know". Every once in awhile I found that my hunch was wrong and there was a reasonable explanation instead of my immediately going to the "bad" behavior to explain it. I have SAID "not my problem" and just could not get my heart to follow that statement. It's a tough, tough place to be.
The thing is, the truth will reveal itself. If you were to call your son up and say "ya know, I'm just feeling a little uneasy, could ya do your ol' [mom/dad] a favor and show me the receipts for that money". It doesn't even matter which scenario it turns out to be: either he is in recovery or he is not. At least right now he is in the very best place he can be - they UA him randomly I'm sure.
Do you know there is a Nar-anon meeting in Apple Valley on Thursday evenings? If you have not, you might consider going. It wasn't the best style meeting for me (I live in the twin cities too) but there is a ton of support, and people who have been through what you are.
Best to you....
I have done and felt exactly as you do right now. I have always felt "not my probelm, but I just NEED to know". Every once in awhile I found that my hunch was wrong and there was a reasonable explanation instead of my immediately going to the "bad" behavior to explain it. I have SAID "not my problem" and just could not get my heart to follow that statement. It's a tough, tough place to be.
The thing is, the truth will reveal itself. If you were to call your son up and say "ya know, I'm just feeling a little uneasy, could ya do your ol' [mom/dad] a favor and show me the receipts for that money". It doesn't even matter which scenario it turns out to be: either he is in recovery or he is not. At least right now he is in the very best place he can be - they UA him randomly I'm sure.
Do you know there is a Nar-anon meeting in Apple Valley on Thursday evenings? If you have not, you might consider going. It wasn't the best style meeting for me (I live in the twin cities too) but there is a ton of support, and people who have been through what you are.
Best to you....
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
My hugs for you, JMF, because I know that "kicked in the stomach" feeling all too well.
We both know that there's nothing you can do about him (except pray for him) but that meeting sure sounds like a good idea to me.
Meetings always helped me find my balance again, and recharged my recovery batteries for another week.
Mom to mom hugs
We both know that there's nothing you can do about him (except pray for him) but that meeting sure sounds like a good idea to me.
Meetings always helped me find my balance again, and recharged my recovery batteries for another week.
Mom to mom hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
Good Morning or almost afternoon!
Today's reading in the Language of Letting Go was just what I needed to read today! Exactly what all or your responses said as well - love my son, but let him go. He is who he is and my involvement, attempting to control, etc. will not change him.
Thank you all.
Joan
Today's reading in the Language of Letting Go was just what I needed to read today! Exactly what all or your responses said as well - love my son, but let him go. He is who he is and my involvement, attempting to control, etc. will not change him.
Thank you all.
Joan
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