paige n

Hello to you all, My husband has just moved into a sober living home about 10 miles away. We've been apart (different states) for about 9 months. He keeps calling and telling me that he hates where he lives because everyone smokes and he has to share a room so he doesn't sleep well, etc. Then he asks if he can move in with me! He has asked this numerous times in the past week and I keep telling him NO. I have explained to him that I will not put myself in a position to go through the previous hell that I went through with him. He acts like us moving in together is no big deal. He's been sober 63 days so what's wrong with me? I should see he's doing the right thing and take him back. Aaacckk. I have set this boundary and refuse to budge but its really getting frustrating. Does he truly not understand what he's done? Or is it just a control thing? If he bugs enough I'll cave in? Any suggestions on what I can say to him to make him understand?

catlady

paige,

The sad truth is you can never say the "right" thing to make someone hear something they refuse to accept. Whether he accepts your boundary or not is HIS problem, not yours.

Continue to stand your ground, making good decisions for yourself. Avoid his calls, if you can.

One thing that helps me to stay out of the "trying to convince" mode is to decide in advance 3 to 4 sentences to say that state my position. And, no matter how he tries to "suck me in", I just keep repeating those sentences.

Kal

If you feel that it's a possibility that you will allow him back then block his number from your phone. Once you feel strong enough to handle a conversation with him then you will be the one to initiate it. And being the one with the power to start contact may give you the strength to handle him. But make the conversations something that you want not something that you have to do.

liddy

paige n

stick with the "NO" and no follow up conversation to sway your
decision. That is where you are right now and stick with it !
hugs
liddy