Ultimatum delivered...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 93
Ultimatum delivered...
Marital termination agreement final...check. Ultimatum delivered...check.
After my attorney's office I went straight to the ER where AH was waiting with his mom and sister. Waited for some test results to come back and a social worker to join. No new news health wise, levels haven't changed much since the last visit 3 months ago..I guess that's good. The doctor started talking to him about treatment, how he needs to go, he can't do it alone. His last drink was last night at 9:00 and his BAC was .06 at 12:00 today. Unbelievable.
So we talk about treatment with the social worker and what our options are. His BAC levels aren't high enough for the dr. to admit him and many of the treatment facilities close by here don't have detox centers. So, that means a day or two of waiting. We have to get a chemical assessment done and then find a facility that has room right away. OK we're on a roll. Then...I hear him say...well, I need to go to the cabin this weekend because I have a few loose ends to tie up. Yep, here we go with the excuses.
So I say this...."OK fine. We can't get you in something until Monday anyway unless we get you post toastied. So here's the deal...you go to the cabin and tie up your loose ends but if we can get you admitted on Monday you get back here on Sunday, spend time with your DD and then you go. However, if you DO NOT admit yourself next week, you will be served with the divorce papers. This is the hardest decision of my life but I'm ready to make it...I came here straight from my attorney and the papers are ready. I have a copy in my car if you want me to show it to you. I will not spend another day in an ER for this. That's it. I'm done. You go or you lose us. I'm saying it in front of all these people so that you know I mean it...so I know I mean it. If you don't go, you need to find a place to stay until I can move out in January. I'm done...do you understand?
Everyone was looking at me in awe. I was strong, I felt good. I know what you're all thinking about the 'you have until next week' but I don't feel I have any other choices.
Anyway, the dr. prescribed Adavan to get him through the weekend. I try to remain hopefull but in reality I don't think he'll go. I don't think he wants it...I think he just knows he needs it and to me there's a difference. Next week I'll probably write that the papers have been served. I hear the tone in the 'yeps' and 'uh huhs' that I've heard before.
My realtor also called about a place I've been looking at with a good # that would help me be in a position to buy a place. Well, my dad...and he applied for the loan so that if next week comes...we're ready to go.
So, for today...I am proud.
After my attorney's office I went straight to the ER where AH was waiting with his mom and sister. Waited for some test results to come back and a social worker to join. No new news health wise, levels haven't changed much since the last visit 3 months ago..I guess that's good. The doctor started talking to him about treatment, how he needs to go, he can't do it alone. His last drink was last night at 9:00 and his BAC was .06 at 12:00 today. Unbelievable.
So we talk about treatment with the social worker and what our options are. His BAC levels aren't high enough for the dr. to admit him and many of the treatment facilities close by here don't have detox centers. So, that means a day or two of waiting. We have to get a chemical assessment done and then find a facility that has room right away. OK we're on a roll. Then...I hear him say...well, I need to go to the cabin this weekend because I have a few loose ends to tie up. Yep, here we go with the excuses.
So I say this...."OK fine. We can't get you in something until Monday anyway unless we get you post toastied. So here's the deal...you go to the cabin and tie up your loose ends but if we can get you admitted on Monday you get back here on Sunday, spend time with your DD and then you go. However, if you DO NOT admit yourself next week, you will be served with the divorce papers. This is the hardest decision of my life but I'm ready to make it...I came here straight from my attorney and the papers are ready. I have a copy in my car if you want me to show it to you. I will not spend another day in an ER for this. That's it. I'm done. You go or you lose us. I'm saying it in front of all these people so that you know I mean it...so I know I mean it. If you don't go, you need to find a place to stay until I can move out in January. I'm done...do you understand?
Everyone was looking at me in awe. I was strong, I felt good. I know what you're all thinking about the 'you have until next week' but I don't feel I have any other choices.
Anyway, the dr. prescribed Adavan to get him through the weekend. I try to remain hopefull but in reality I don't think he'll go. I don't think he wants it...I think he just knows he needs it and to me there's a difference. Next week I'll probably write that the papers have been served. I hear the tone in the 'yeps' and 'uh huhs' that I've heard before.
My realtor also called about a place I've been looking at with a good # that would help me be in a position to buy a place. Well, my dad...and he applied for the loan so that if next week comes...we're ready to go.
So, for today...I am proud.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Good for you ! Doesn't it feel good when you do things to take care of yourself? I hope you get the house if it's meant to be, and I hope you're able to be strong and do good things for yourself even if your H doesn't choose sobriety. He might, and he might not. The good news is that there is light and life and wondrous things out there in store for YOU if you continue to make good choices for your own life.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
I know what you're all thinking about the 'you have until next week' but I don't feel I have any other choices.
Well I can only speak for myself but I'm not thinking about that at all. I'm thinking - wow she must be feeling very strong and ready to follow through. How great!
rdy4change you sound really "ready for change!" You sure got your ducks in a row...sending you a (((hug))) because even though you were fierce and clear today I'm sure it must have been hard....good luck!
peace-
b
Well I can only speak for myself but I'm not thinking about that at all. I'm thinking - wow she must be feeling very strong and ready to follow through. How great!
rdy4change you sound really "ready for change!" You sure got your ducks in a row...sending you a (((hug))) because even though you were fierce and clear today I'm sure it must have been hard....good luck!
peace-
b
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
You must be talking about his tones, because my AF has the same ones... it couldn't be more obvious that he's not absorbing what I'm saying or meaning anything that he is saying. Congratulations for setting your boundaries, and making it clear that you plan to stick to them. I'm proud of you!!!!
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