Recovered1

Firstly, I have my own drinking problem, as I call it. I've done the detox deal and rehab and weaned myself off of alcohol so I am no stranger to the whole process.

My friend, who also has her own problem (7 DUIs, has coded in the past, been homeless etc) just broke her leg last weekend drinking. She tells me the medication they were giving her in the hospital wasn't detoxing her so they gave her a choice of beer or Ativan. Ok, that's a new one on me. They discharged her with instructions to go home and drink weaning down until she can get into a program. That's another first. I thought most of the time they send someone to detox to be professionally detoxed? I mean, sitting at home drinking even if someone else is monitoring use around the clock? Not checking any vitals? Would a Dr. actually tell someone to do this? Too, when I spoke with her she said she'd call on programs to see what was available. Wouldn't she have to have some sort of more firm plan than this for a Dr. to tell her to go home and wean herself down?!

She made the comment the other day she'd have no way to drink once discharged. I think she has found a way. She has a friend with her giving her alcohol every couple of hours or so. She is taking a low level dose of Ativan along with alcohol at home. I told her she could have been sent home with some valium and she said that valium would decrease her oxygen levels so this is why she has to drink instead of take valium. She has an appt with a pulmonoligist on the 9th. I reminder her they sent her home with inhalers. This whole thing makes no sense to me and I, TOO, an an addict. I am torn between just completely detaching for my own sake and yet supporting her. Too, there are all these crazy triangulated relationships going on. Her roommate called her mom last night to tell her mom she is still drinking and her mom became hysterical. Now my friend says she'll have her friend call her mom and explain everything. I just said have your Dr. call your mom (believing the whole time I am being bamboozled).

Can anyone help me understand this?

I want to be there to support her, but I don't want to her in my life if she is just lying to me and putting herself at greater risk. I'm having my own battle right now stopping drinking myself. How could a Dr. possibly recommend she drink?

Still Waters

She's lying.

LucyA

I sat in my brothers GP surgery with him while his doctor told him to cut down on drink to wean himself off it.
just before that my brother had lied to him about the amounts and frequency he actually drank though.
And the doctor also asked me to make sure he wasnt alone while he was doing this and to have someone call an ambulance if there was any concern at all.

Still Waters

I'm not buying it, beer or Ativan?? No.

LucyA

I wasn't saying I bought it. Just saying what I know to be fact, this is what the doctor did, he didn't offer an alternative, but like I said my brother lied about how much he drank, how long he'd been drinking and how much of a problem it was.
The doctor wrote out a detailed plan of how much to drink and how to taper it, to avoid siezures.

Recovered1

You're in the UK, right? I can see that. We are talking about an alcoholic who ended up in the hospital due to a broken leg while drinking. I don't see how a Dr. could take on that sort of liability?

Still Waters

Hrm. Well, if he was even thinking seizures then yeah, he was definitely worried about the detox. Wow.

I just keep thinking, what alcoholic wouldn't choose booze??

Recovered1

Yes, and being someone who has gone through detox herself, I can tell you they don't give you booze. In fact, I went to the ER and they required an ambulance take me to detox (to the tune of $750) even though I had a ride and would have gone there myself. Or...maybe the hospital was just covering its butt by sending me by ambulance. They monitored my vitals the entire trip. For those couple of days I was there, they were monitoring my vitals constantly. I was only released on the third day.

As to what alcoholic wouldn't choose booze? Well, I think if I'd just broken my leg last weekend and knew alcohol was the cause of it, I'd choose valium or Ativan any day. Maybe I am a more responsible alcoholic?

I've weaned myself down several times. I know it can be done. I just cannot see a Dr. suggesting this. Again, too much liability. So in a sense I guess I am still working things through - trying to understand this and weigh everything. I do not want to accuse her of lying. If she is lying I will cut her loose. I have too much to lose myself.

Buffalo66

One of the Doctors that my A and I consulted with back when he was around us (one of the times..) did tell him that he was to step his alcohol intake down by himself over two months...I stood there shaking my head at him. What kind of doctor would tell this to severe and tricky alcoholic...Obviously it did not work. He cited the doctor every time he drank, no matter how much.

I guess the theory was that he would have to get to a certain "safe level" before entering regular rehab?

I do not buy that, and thought it very irresponsible of the doctor to say that.I thought, man, he finally got himself in to see someone and this is the advice? Should have been admitted under observation, FOR SURE.

Recovered1

Hmm, so I guess it is possible a Dr. gives an alcoholic stupid advice. Just has never happened to me. I always get the hardcore treatment stuff.

Did YOU hear this Dr. say this? Oh, just re-read. What kind of Dr. was this? I am just shocked. And why on earth would it take two months to wean down? Someone could be dead in two months. Most of the time, at least in my world, the Dr. will tell someone to go to detox. I once did have my shrink agree to give me some Librium to detox. The second time I called him he told me to go to the hospital. That was it. He was not going to give me anything. He most CERTAINLY would not have told me to wean down. Ridiculous.

The only thing I can think of is she might have lied to the Dr, not telling the Dr. she was drinking at the time. Telling the Dr. she could not afford to go to detox, even though she is not expected to be back at work until the 9th. Detox doesn't last until the 9th. Like I said, really struggling with this one. I don't believe her, but wanted to get the opinions of others.

Maybe I should have posted this in a forum where alcoholics hang out, but it is a friend I am dealing with.

Still Waters

It sounds like others have been told the same thing, I certainly wouldn't have believed her myself, that's for sure.

So - let's assume that your friend IS telling the truth - what now? She is drinking correct? Is she weaning drinking or drinking drinking? Does it matter? Can you control it (no).

Recovered1

This is complete BS. I feel sorry for the innocent bystanders when dealing with a "DR" like this. Even I know better. The truth is withdrawal can be achieved in a matter of days when under observation. And even in other cases, it is a matter of stepping things down. But it sure doesn't take TWO months.

Recovered1

Still Waters, she says she is weaning and being monitored by a friend. I call BS. Again, I come back to liability. What kind of Dr. is going to put his license on the line for this? I can only conclude she completely lied to her PCP - something like...Well, due to the stress in my life I'd been drinking more than usual. I cannot go to detox as I don't have the money. Is it ok if I just cut down slowly? In this case, I see how it could fly.

There is no way a Dr. knowing she broke her leg due to drinking is going to say it is ok to wean herself down. What if her caregiver were to leave her with a bottle? She could drink it all and end up back in the hospital. Then it would be on the Dr. who said it was ok to drink and wean herself down. Weaning down in and of itself is quite the challenge for someone. A person has to really be committed to the process. She told me today she doesn't want to drink...then why drink? There are drugs to help someone wean down and they have nothing to do with picking up a glass (except to take a pill). GRRR, I hate being in this situation, not knowing what to do. I didn't come out and call her a liar, although I am pretty sure that is what has happened here.

I am naive and want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I understand lying about how much someone has had to drink. Comes with the territory. I just don't understand lying to this point where you have someone go buy the stuff and feed it around the clock. It sure isn't my style. But if her friend wants to go along with it, who am I to say? I am doing myself NO GOOD by being in this situation. I just wish I wasn't so torn.

Carol Star

You don't need to be around her if she is using .You don't go to a babershop if you don't want a haircut. My gut says she is lying.

Still Waters

I'd just walk away if it were me. Your own recovery is more important than whatever game she's playing, besides she apparently has support there with that other friend.

Bernadette

Does it matter whether she is lying or telling the truth?

She is an active alcoholic - now home with a broken leg, practicing her addiction with the added bonus of some ativan....that's really all you need to know! It's a toxic situation to be around, it is toxic behavior. I wouldn't get myself worked up about trying to prove that a doctor would never say this or that because you don't know how she presented her situation - if she refused all offers of help from the hospitals but claimed she would attempt to taper on her own then the doctor might very well have outlined a taper plan for your friend.

And, I recently discovered, now that I am in my clinical nursing rotations, that alcohol is on most hospital's formulary (beer, whiskey and wine) the most common prescriber's are internists, surgeons, and psychiatrists, and nurses are responsible for administration. The reason given for prescribing alcoholic beverages in the hospital is to prevent siezure and alcohol withdrawal in severe alcoholics. Maybe in Pt's who cannot tolerate or refuse other therapies - I don't know - I'll have to ask my Professor, but it's on the formulary - I've seen it with my own eyes.

Anyways, Recovered1 - an active alcoholic is living a roller coaster life of deceit and insanity! I say protect your own mental health and rip up your ticket on the Titanic! Focus on you and your own problems 100% - she will do what she will do no matter who said what.

What are your plans for the weekend? Make a little plan that will keep you busy and serene! Maybe an AlAnon meeting or 2?

peace-
b

kittykitty

Hi Recovery1,

Let's forget her for a minute, and focus on you...


HUH?

It obviously can't be done. Who was the famous person who said something like that, about quitting smoking?... "It is possible to quit cold turkey, i've done it many times." The idea of quitting is not doing it anymore. Period. Not quitting, then starting again, quitting again, starting again, quitting again. If you have had to quit doing something more than once, the way you are "quitting" is obviously not working. All you have done is spent some increments of time not drinking, in between your "weaning" stages.

I've been reading your posts, and I think you know the answers to your questions. And judging by your statements about your own recovery, it seems that this person is the last kind of person you should have anything to do with, for the sake of your recovery. I understand how you want to be there for your "friend", but the fact is, are you willing to risk your own recovery for her?

Another quote from Recovery1:
"""I've done the detox deal and rehab and weaned myself off of alcohol so I am no stranger to the whole process."""

I apologize if I'm not being sympathetic enough here, but the idea that you can do anything for her goes against the first step of the "recovery" you say you've been through. (Maybe you just didn't do AA, which I highly recommend) My priority here is to help you focus on yourself, because that's what we do here in the friends and family forum... remind each other that we need to take care of ourselves first, and the alcoholic second, (sometimes even third or fourth). Decide who's more important in this situation, you or her, and "be there" for that person. (I pray you pick the right person )

Recovered1

Thanks, Kitty, Kitty,

Going through this situation makes my heart go out to all of you in this F&F section. It also makes me feel bad for the insanity I put my former BF through, even though he had his own shortcomings and was not good to me or for me. Now he is out of my life too. Now everyone is out of my life. (insert crying icon here).

I have gone to AA in the past without good results. I went to one Alanon meeting but, of course, didn't feel like I fit in. Now dealing with this situation makes me realize just how much I could fit in.

As a result of my sharing where I am at on another list I've been dumped too. It doesn't feel very good. But I look at it this way - I invited someone to my house today and she did not have the courtesy to even get back to me one way or the other. Maybe she figures I am too much of a loser to hang out with. But still, a simple I am sorry I cannot make it is in order.

I know I'm rambling. It's just so hard to see both sides of this picture and I mean that with respect to all of you too. It is hard enough to be the addict, but to be on the receiving end of another's addiction at the same time is doubly hard. I now have to detach and make me #1. I am not good at multi-tasking.

I am sure all of you experience the same feelings, more or less. You live with the addict and yet have to make yourself #1. Can't be an easy thing to do. I know I cannot be any good to anyone else if I am not good to me first. Yes, I do get this. My life is more or less in a shambles and only, I, the addict and obvious codependent can change things. Oh, there is too much in my brain right now

Thanks for letting me be a part of your forum and for all of your posts.

kittykitty

I'm glad you got the message I was trying to send you... please take care of yourself first and foremost, after all, like you said, you are all you have right now. There are plenty of wonderful people out there that you will share your life with once you are better.

You say now everyone is out of your life. So you've made room for new friends, and new loved ones. You've cleaned out the clutter and made space for new relationships, new loving souls that will support you on your new path, instead of holding you back by trying to drag you down theirs. It's hard to see it now, but I always believe it is a good thing.

Some of the new people could be the ones in the A and RA forum. Everyone on here is really top notch for support, and even if it's just to lend a sympathetic ear, they are always there, as are we in the other forums. Welcome to the family!!! We may be a bit dysfunctional at times, but we are still a family!

tjp613

Great words of wisdom here and I'm grateful to all that shared.

I just want to add that you don't have to determine TODAY, right this minute, whether or not she is lying, etc. If she is lying, it will become very obvious very quickly, right? Then you will be able to move on for sure.

Removing toxic people from your life is a very healthy step for you and I applaud you for those decisions. Yep, it's going to be hard for awhile, but soon you'll be blessed with a healthy recovery well underway and new, healthy friends to walk with you. Congratulations!!!