FreeingMyself

My AH has not been drinking nearly as much lately - never stopped. I used to believe that his verbal abuse was related to the drinking, but in now I realize that was NOT true. It has only gotten worse since he has started drinking less. He could not find a clean towel this morning (I have 4 sons imagine that), so he started yelling at me. My only response was that he says that I bi*** alot, and that he should notice that he is the one complaining. Well then he said, "Quit cussing in front of my daughter you trailer ho. May as well have a cigarette in one hand and coffee in the other." OK....well I very rarely cuss at all......and he has an etremely foul mouth so what the heck! Anyway, then he was acting ridiculous because I was upset with him.......so then tonight at a bball game he decided to sticck his gum under the bleacher and I got mad. was not raised that way, and his 1 year old daughter was playing on the bleachers....really how old is he. I simply told him not to do that...and that said him off at how mean and disresectful I am. Then when we got home he started calling me a b and psycho, and insane, and hormonally imbalance, just to name a few.....and I DIDN'T lose it....not at all. I calmly stood there explaining to him that I would not be called names in my house anymore, or put down. I kept telling him that...well after a few more names I told him to get out then, and he left. And you know what...I don't care, I'm not sad, I'm not hurting, I don't want him here anymore if he thinks that treating me that way is ok. I have children that I do not want to become like that..........I actually realized sometime last week that I had very little left for him.....he called me a disgusting b last week....and for whatever reason those words broke me...though he has called me much worse than that in past...but those simple words over and over hurt....and I realized I AM WORTH MORE...I DESERVE MORE....and whatever struggles I must go through I can do it...so I am now resolved to the fact that I deserve to be treated with respect. And right now I feel quite empowered!!!!!!!!!!!!

gerryP

I'm glad you are feeling empowered Mentally...it feels good doesn't it.....

I'm hoping for you that you will maintain your resolve and keep his pathetic behind out of the house for good. (sorry to be blunt)

Wishing you well M.

Still Waters

You absolutely 100% do deserve better, as do your children.

naive

if there are no clean towels, he could put a load of laundry on!

really, think about it. what would you do if there were no clean towels left?

onlyliveonce

Good for you!!! When I got to the point you are at it is so empowering to KNOW we are worth more and do deserve better. Your kids will thank you for this later. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers for strength.

Buffalo66

LOL, I am always amazed at how many of the stories on SR are parallel!

My A always calls me a trailer park trash! he even says, all you need is a cigarette dangling from your lip...

I always think, since he is pretty far off in his assessment, that he is so internally self conscious of how trashy it is to drink the way he does, all he can do is project it onto me.

When I used to get angry about him sleeping around, lying, whatever... I would be so pi$$ed off, and he would always say, "I just had a baby with the wrong girl,I guess...I should have picked a sweet woman, not a man. I should have picked some one who is not a piece of angry trash.."

Its kind of funny, now. I would be so flabbergasted. Its just like when he would call me at home, playing with my son, putting him to bed...calm and quiet...He would call from the bar all messed up and accuse me of being an irresponsible alcoholic for going out with the girls weeks before. Projection.

My new catch phrase; Holy projection, Batman! lol!

honoryourself

My AH is telling everyone who will listen that his "wife goes out every night of the week drinking and stays out until 3 am". Truth of the matter is that as I started separating myself from his issues, I started spending time with friends and family, at dinner sometimes, or doing something interesting and sometimes meeting up with an old friend for happy hour. ONE night I went out on a saturday and stayed out til close, had a snack with my friends and came home. I didn't do anything wrong at all. But he's telling everyone that this is what I do. He informed me that all his friends tell him it's obvious that I'm cheating on him because I go out drinking every night til 3 am. Well, if that were the truth I might be suspicious too!

The thing is, he had been going out and staying out all night, coming home at 3 and later sometimes, or not until the next day. When he drinks he doesn't stop, so he ends up on someone's couch or in a cab. He was pretty bad for a few weeks when the ship starting sinking for us. So I guess he was feeling pretty proud of himself to catch me out for my one night out dancing. Difference is, I had 2 beers all night, not 25, and I didn't chat up anyone at the bars to boost my ego.

It's maddening what projection can do. I think that's one of the most frustrating parts of all this, is controlling my reaction to his ridiculous projection.

Still Waters

My AH is telling anyone who will listen that I'm an alcoholic and he wants to "help" me, that I need rehab. I don't drink.