Im new and lost
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 7
Im new and lost
Hey All
Im lost.I never thought about myself as alcoholic,but im.I work 70 hrs a week in the small office,same people,same routine.Its killing me.I drink alone,only after work,usually i have my first drink at midnight while im on the web( i only drink while on the computer at night),my third drink ends up my night about 3 or 4 am with a great booze,then im ready to sleep.I drink about 60% of 75ml bottle of scotch on Sundays,Tuesdays,Wednesdays,Saturdays,those are days when i have to be at work afternoon,Mondays and Thursdays i try to go right to sleep and i usually do,cus i have to be up early to work.I dont get it,how one day i can get wasted and then other days i go to sleep cus i have to work early?I carry a lots of pain from my past,rape,sexual abuse,domestic violence,rejections,religious discrimination,all that happened in my childhood and my early teens.I calculate time all the time so i can get my boozed mood,i will not drink if i know i have to be up early,im also a cutter,skin picker,im very mean,i have no friends,i hate myself,i push away everyone who gets close to me.I dont know what to do with myself,lately all i do is cry,then i get mad at myself that i feel sorry for myself.I feel like im locked in the jar and cant get out!
Im lost.I never thought about myself as alcoholic,but im.I work 70 hrs a week in the small office,same people,same routine.Its killing me.I drink alone,only after work,usually i have my first drink at midnight while im on the web( i only drink while on the computer at night),my third drink ends up my night about 3 or 4 am with a great booze,then im ready to sleep.I drink about 60% of 75ml bottle of scotch on Sundays,Tuesdays,Wednesdays,Saturdays,those are days when i have to be at work afternoon,Mondays and Thursdays i try to go right to sleep and i usually do,cus i have to be up early to work.I dont get it,how one day i can get wasted and then other days i go to sleep cus i have to work early?I carry a lots of pain from my past,rape,sexual abuse,domestic violence,rejections,religious discrimination,all that happened in my childhood and my early teens.I calculate time all the time so i can get my boozed mood,i will not drink if i know i have to be up early,im also a cutter,skin picker,im very mean,i have no friends,i hate myself,i push away everyone who gets close to me.I dont know what to do with myself,lately all i do is cry,then i get mad at myself that i feel sorry for myself.I feel like im locked in the jar and cant get out!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Jersie,
Welcome to SR. You are not alone. Have you read the stickies posted? There's lots of good information here. It should get you started on the road to recovery. You don't have to live like that any more.
Keep posting and reading. I'm glad you're here with us!
Love,
Lenina
Welcome to SR. You are not alone. Have you read the stickies posted? There's lots of good information here. It should get you started on the road to recovery. You don't have to live like that any more.
Keep posting and reading. I'm glad you're here with us!
Love,
Lenina
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 7
Ty very much Lenina
There is so many things wrong with me.....i dont know where to start the clean up.Before i posted i read a lot here,you guys are amazing people,i hope to learn from you guys and turn my life around little by little.Thank you.
There is so many things wrong with me.....i dont know where to start the clean up.Before i posted i read a lot here,you guys are amazing people,i hope to learn from you guys and turn my life around little by little.Thank you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Jersie
A lot of us here had pretty stringent 'rules' about drinking that helped us kid ourselves we didn't really have a problem. A lot of us drank to self medicate against past events too, so you're not alone
It's so good you're wanting to face this now - I drank past all my rules and ended up an all day everyday drinker - it's not a good place to be.
Like Lenina said, you'll find a lot of help and support here, and the stickies posts at the top of the forum here and in the alcoholism forum make good reading to get you started with ideas on what to do next.
Welcome to SR Jersie
D
A lot of us here had pretty stringent 'rules' about drinking that helped us kid ourselves we didn't really have a problem. A lot of us drank to self medicate against past events too, so you're not alone
It's so good you're wanting to face this now - I drank past all my rules and ended up an all day everyday drinker - it's not a good place to be.
Like Lenina said, you'll find a lot of help and support here, and the stickies posts at the top of the forum here and in the alcoholism forum make good reading to get you started with ideas on what to do next.
Welcome to SR Jersie
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 7
Thank you DeeIf not my pc i would prolly never face my problems,i have a hard time to talk face to face,once in therapy i told my shrink i don't trust her,that's bad,isn't it?after that i quit.Im very angry and i dont have anyone to tell why.Am I posting in the right topic now?im sorry if i dont.Thank you Dee
If not my pc i would prolly never face my problems,i have a hard time to talk face to face,once in therapy i told my shrink i don't trust her,that's bad,isn't it?after that i quit.Im very angry and i dont have anyone to tell why.Am I posting in the right topic now?im sorry if i dont.Thank you Dee Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Posting here is fine, Jersie
I don't get out much - I prefer the PC too, tho many people here get a lot out of face to face support like AA and the like.
Stick with what you're comfortable with for now
D
I don't get out much - I prefer the PC too, tho many people here get a lot out of face to face support like AA and the like.
Stick with what you're comfortable with for now
D
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Welcome to SR, 
You're in the right place. This is a good place to talk to people who can relate to and understand you. Venting can help take away a lot of that anger--it works for me.
Take care of yourself,
TB
You're in the right place. This is a good place to talk to people who can relate to and understand you. Venting can help take away a lot of that anger--it works for me.
Take care of yourself,
TB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by ANGELINA243 
I can relate alot to what you shared. You are not alone. 
Keep posting/reaching out for help. This is a great place for support.
Keep posting/reaching out for help. This is a great place for support. ~hugs~ Im still learning how this works,but maybe i can write to you sometimes,i dont know yet how to talk about it,its very overwhelming to me Thank you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by thirtybubba
Welcome to SR,
You're in the right place. This is a good place to talk to people who can relate to and understand you. Venting can help take away a lot of that anger--it works for me.
Take care of yourself,
TB
You're in the right place. This is a good place to talk to people who can relate to and understand you. Venting can help take away a lot of that anger--it works for me.
Take care of yourself,
TB
Never got so warm welcomes like here,thank you very much guys.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi Jersie,
Welcome!
I understand how overwhelming it can seem at the point when you know you need to stop drinking. Just know that you don't need to have all the answers right now. It's a good idea to think about taking small steps, stay sober today. It's also a good idea to talk to your dr before you stop drinking.
Welcome!
I understand how overwhelming it can seem at the point when you know you need to stop drinking. Just know that you don't need to have all the answers right now. It's a good idea to think about taking small steps, stay sober today. It's also a good idea to talk to your dr before you stop drinking.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Hi Jersie. A lot of people here can probably relate to what you wrote up there. Unfortunately a lot of us have pasts that haven't helped us in where we are at or have gotten to. You are in a good place and I hope that you will look into getting some more extended help for yourself. Working through some of your issues will help. I had to do A LOT of work and am so glad I did.
Welcome to SR!! This site is great!!
Welcome to SR!! This site is great!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
Originally Posted by Jersie
Hey All
Im lost.I never thought about myself as alcoholic,but im.I work 70 hrs a week in the small office,same people,same routine.Its killing me.I drink alone,only after work,usually i have my first drink at midnight while im on the web( i only drink while on the computer at night),my third drink ends up my night about 3 or 4 am with a great booze,then im ready to sleep.I drink about 60% of 75ml bottle of scotch on Sundays,Tuesdays,Wednesdays,Saturdays,those are days when i have to be at work afternoon,Mondays and Thursdays i try to go right to sleep and i usually do,cus i have to be up early to work.I dont get it,how one day i can get wasted and then other days i go to sleep cus i have to work early?I carry a lots of pain from my past,rape,sexual abuse,domestic violence,rejections,religious discrimination,all that happened in my childhood and my early teens.I calculate time all the time so i can get my boozed mood,i will not drink if i know i have to be up early,im also a cutter,skin picker,im very mean,i have no friends,i hate myself,i push away everyone who gets close to me.I dont know what to do with myself,lately all i do is cry,then i get mad at myself that i feel sorry for myself.I feel like im locked in the jar and cant get out!
Im lost.I never thought about myself as alcoholic,but im.I work 70 hrs a week in the small office,same people,same routine.Its killing me.I drink alone,only after work,usually i have my first drink at midnight while im on the web( i only drink while on the computer at night),my third drink ends up my night about 3 or 4 am with a great booze,then im ready to sleep.I drink about 60% of 75ml bottle of scotch on Sundays,Tuesdays,Wednesdays,Saturdays,those are days when i have to be at work afternoon,Mondays and Thursdays i try to go right to sleep and i usually do,cus i have to be up early to work.I dont get it,how one day i can get wasted and then other days i go to sleep cus i have to work early?I carry a lots of pain from my past,rape,sexual abuse,domestic violence,rejections,religious discrimination,all that happened in my childhood and my early teens.I calculate time all the time so i can get my boozed mood,i will not drink if i know i have to be up early,im also a cutter,skin picker,im very mean,i have no friends,i hate myself,i push away everyone who gets close to me.I dont know what to do with myself,lately all i do is cry,then i get mad at myself that i feel sorry for myself.I feel like im locked in the jar and cant get out!
I think it is great that you are here and are reaching out for support.
Something that has helped me immensely in dealing with past sexual abuse and trauma has been seeing a therapist who specializes in this. It has really enabled me to put the pieces back together. There is a reason why we drown out our feelings with work, drugs and alcohol, we are trying to escape the pain that is inside when we may be alone with ourselves.
There is a foundation that has lots of information on local resources for therapy for survivors of sexual abuse, give them a call and find a referral. We cannot change the past but we can stop letting it control our lives.
All the best,
together we can totally do this, we can break the chains of addiction and one minute at a time take back control of our lives.
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