Was this a mistake?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Was this a mistake?
Earlier today I had a chat with still drinking XABF and suggested when he sobered up a bit, he log on to SR and have a look at posts and threads from others who know they have a big drink problem. He agreed to have a look at some stage.
Problem is what do I do? Do I quit here for a while, change my name or what?
I know it is likely he will not take it any further, and may have forgotten our chat let alone SR's name, BUT..... just maybe he will think about it and come here for help.
Have I stuffed up things here for me?
Problem is what do I do? Do I quit here for a while, change my name or what?
I know it is likely he will not take it any further, and may have forgotten our chat let alone SR's name, BUT..... just maybe he will think about it and come here for help.
Have I stuffed up things here for me?
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
(((Hugs)))
You are loving.
You are loveable.
You make good decisions.
You are a good friend.
Give back your season tickets to the show: "What If...."
SR is a wonderful tool for addicts and their friends and family. It is open 24/7.
You have not said or done anything on SR that you need to conceal. You have shared your strength, hope and experience with your recovery family.
If you want to have your screen name changed, please contact one of the moderators and they will assist you.
BTW, I love the new avatar! Keep on keeping on!
You are loving.
You are loveable.
You make good decisions.
You are a good friend.
Give back your season tickets to the show: "What If...."
SR is a wonderful tool for addicts and their friends and family. It is open 24/7.
You have not said or done anything on SR that you need to conceal. You have shared your strength, hope and experience with your recovery family.
If you want to have your screen name changed, please contact one of the moderators and they will assist you.
BTW, I love the new avatar! Keep on keeping on!
Last edited by Pelican; 11-29-2009 at 07:37 AM.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Whoa, that's a tough one, Jad. I shudder at the thought of my STBX-AH being on this site. If he somehow were to find it, he'd know pretty darn soon who Tigger is, if he's been paying attention over the years at all. Using that handle might not have been the wisest decision I ever made.
On the one hand, you know the potential help this site could be to your ex. On the other hand, you have private, personal information out here, things that need to be safe from his eyes. Will he "get" your handle? If not, could you remove your pics and location and otherwise sanitize your id without changing your name? If he WILL associage your handle with you... if it were me, I'd change as you suggested. That does, however, create the difficulty that your SR friends won't be able to recognize you, unless you inform them/us privately.
I hope other's have better advice! Love, Tigg
On the one hand, you know the potential help this site could be to your ex. On the other hand, you have private, personal information out here, things that need to be safe from his eyes. Will he "get" your handle? If not, could you remove your pics and location and otherwise sanitize your id without changing your name? If he WILL associage your handle with you... if it were me, I'd change as you suggested. That does, however, create the difficulty that your SR friends won't be able to recognize you, unless you inform them/us privately.
I hope other's have better advice! Love, Tigg
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Nope I don't believe you did wrong.
I suspect he has already posted in the 'newcomer' forum and sounds very serious about giving it up.
We'll see.
As a precaution, you might want to ask a mod to change your name and then be sure to log off after you have been here, and clean your history, that way he will not know who you are, and you can continue to post here. Another suggestion would be to take your 'location' off your profile so when you post with your new 'handle' it will not show that you are in the land 'down under.'
J M H O
Love and hugs,
I suspect he has already posted in the 'newcomer' forum and sounds very serious about giving it up.
We'll see.
As a precaution, you might want to ask a mod to change your name and then be sure to log off after you have been here, and clean your history, that way he will not know who you are, and you can continue to post here. Another suggestion would be to take your 'location' off your profile so when you post with your new 'handle' it will not show that you are in the land 'down under.'
J M H O
Love and hugs,
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Keep in mind that anyone logging in as a guest on SR is not able to search for screen names and posts by certain individuals. There are hundreds of active posts throughout this website daily. That's a lot of reading one post at a time to find someone.
In the event that someone registers and begins to flame/abuse another member on SR, the moderators step in and handle the situation.
I was concerned about my AXH reading my posts when I was planning to seperate from him. DesertEyes offered to change my screen name for me. I appreciated the support. I gave it some thought and realized that I had not said or done anything to slander him. I had only shared the truth. I did not want to loose my support system based on fear of upsetting the alcoholic. I am not responsible for his reactions.
If you will be more comfortable with a new screen name, please send a PM to one of the moderators.
In the event that someone registers and begins to flame/abuse another member on SR, the moderators step in and handle the situation.
I was concerned about my AXH reading my posts when I was planning to seperate from him. DesertEyes offered to change my screen name for me. I appreciated the support. I gave it some thought and realized that I had not said or done anything to slander him. I had only shared the truth. I did not want to loose my support system based on fear of upsetting the alcoholic. I am not responsible for his reactions.
If you will be more comfortable with a new screen name, please send a PM to one of the moderators.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
A few years ago, when I first started posting here, my A logged on and found the site. He knew my screen name because it says welcome, so and so... I caught it before he read anything, and immediately sent a message to the board facilitator asking if I could have my name changed. This way, even if he logs on alone, he will have no idea where to start looking.
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
JadMack -
I just looked at "Who's online" and right now it said:
252 (38 registered members and 214 visiting guests)
So that means that only 15% of the people who are on-line reading all these posts are even registered.
You haven't done anything wrong, and your intentions were very good.
But it just should remind all of us (myself included) that we feel this great warmth and family here on SR, but there are people out there who are reading these posts with not the best of intentions.
The stickies talking about predators on these sites are important to consider.
Nothing we post on here is private. But, it is also good that it is open to anyone who wants to read. Everyday we see someone who says "I've been reading for the past few weeks and finally decided to post ..." We obviously need to reach these people.
So, I never use my name in a post. I never give enough personal information about myself that by reading a few weeks of posts you could figure out who I am.
My advice - if you are worried - change your screen name and post a bit more carefully.
For some, this can be for safety reasons, and for the rest of us, just good online practice.
I just looked at "Who's online" and right now it said:
252 (38 registered members and 214 visiting guests)
So that means that only 15% of the people who are on-line reading all these posts are even registered.
You haven't done anything wrong, and your intentions were very good.
But it just should remind all of us (myself included) that we feel this great warmth and family here on SR, but there are people out there who are reading these posts with not the best of intentions.
The stickies talking about predators on these sites are important to consider.
Nothing we post on here is private. But, it is also good that it is open to anyone who wants to read. Everyday we see someone who says "I've been reading for the past few weeks and finally decided to post ..." We obviously need to reach these people.
So, I never use my name in a post. I never give enough personal information about myself that by reading a few weeks of posts you could figure out who I am.
My advice - if you are worried - change your screen name and post a bit more carefully.
For some, this can be for safety reasons, and for the rest of us, just good online practice.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Oh shucks Pelican, you are so kind to me, your comments made my day.
I had a good look at my profile and imfo there and changed or deleted as I saw fit.
He has never even seen SR site and in no condition to find it let alone post anything.
He doesn't know my screen name and I keep Username and password in my head, as well as having internet History off.
I doubt he would peek as he has never attempted to sneak a look at my diaries, probably because he didn't want to see his actions and my comments there in black and white.
He is easing off and got to a very nasty stage where he said he felt he had no more fight left in him, should let me go free and end it. I let him talk his reasons thru until he was too tired to continue and let him get some sleep. He has never said that before, or mentioned suicide as an option, as has always been full of how he was strong and believed he could stop. He did promise he would talk some more later.
Called hotline counsellor to get another view and I have taken the decision that I will hear him out and if I fear he means it then I will get necessary help. If it is a ploy to get me totally involved again, he will end up wishing he had done it.
Thanks to all for you support and ideas.
God bless
I had a good look at my profile and imfo there and changed or deleted as I saw fit.
He has never even seen SR site and in no condition to find it let alone post anything.
He doesn't know my screen name and I keep Username and password in my head, as well as having internet History off.
I doubt he would peek as he has never attempted to sneak a look at my diaries, probably because he didn't want to see his actions and my comments there in black and white.
He is easing off and got to a very nasty stage where he said he felt he had no more fight left in him, should let me go free and end it. I let him talk his reasons thru until he was too tired to continue and let him get some sleep. He has never said that before, or mentioned suicide as an option, as has always been full of how he was strong and believed he could stop. He did promise he would talk some more later.
Called hotline counsellor to get another view and I have taken the decision that I will hear him out and if I fear he means it then I will get necessary help. If it is a ploy to get me totally involved again, he will end up wishing he had done it.
Thanks to all for you support and ideas.
God bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Just followed Laurie's tip and looked in Alcoholic forum, and yes found his post.
His words I think for sure, but not his fingers doing the typing.
Now have a little mystery as to who did it, and hope he called a AA pal as he has before.
I am NOT going to ask him or do any digging cause it is his business, so will just pray that if he is fair dinkum, he will sober up and get back as he said.
In His HP's hands.
God bless
His words I think for sure, but not his fingers doing the typing.
Now have a little mystery as to who did it, and hope he called a AA pal as he has before.
I am NOT going to ask him or do any digging cause it is his business, so will just pray that if he is fair dinkum, he will sober up and get back as he said.
In His HP's hands.
God bless
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