silkspin

Hi all, the advice and support that is available on this forum, as well as Al Anon has been a lifesaver for me. I now have a sponsor and have started working the steps, and it has helped me progress in my recovery which is great.

But sometimes I guess I feel overwhelmed by it too. I come here often to look at other posts, and although I feel I learn from it, I find it mentally exhausting too. I wonder, am I healing by continuing to immerse myself in all this, or am I just being a glutton for punishment and keeping myself in a low level of misery - by commiserating with those in a similar boat. I guess at times I feel torn. I'm not sure if anyone else ever feels this way.

It's not like I think about my situation 24/7, but sometimes it feels the same way as when I felt the urge to snoop in H's things. I find myself drawn to posts that can almost feed my unhealthy behaviours, like ones where people have relapsed (h has been sober going on 11 months) or have cheated (I've been feeling insecure lately). So I'm not sure this is healthy for me, because it's like I'm looking for 'advice' on how to look for clues that could be applicable to my own situation or could help me 'uncover' some secretive things that (right now at least) are all in my head. He hasn't given any indications of drinking or cheating for example, so I know that it's all me.

Maybe this means something - that I'm trying to deal with my issues and I'm not and that's why I'm seeking out these posts. I don't know. It's a bit like that at Al Anon too - at times I feel I'm getting stronger and hear encouraging things that help me learn, but for example I agreed to be a speaker this afternoon at an AA meeting and I'm thinking about what I'll say, and then I feel like I'm again walking into territory that just allows me to dwell on my past hurts.

Maybe that's the way to healing and I'm stuck between healthy and unhealthy. I know recovery isn't linear, and that I'll go up and down. In any case, thanks for all who've read for listening, and if anyone has felt this same way, please share.

naive

hi silkspin-

i've had the same thoughts and wonder if i'm "staring into the abyss" too much and wonder if it's healthy for my psyche.

however, the main reason i am here is to give back what was given to me. if it wasn't for the good folk here, i wouldn't have made it out.

part of the steps are service to others. sometimes, that is what motivates me to write here. other times, it's because i still need it as i know my recovery is still unfolding.

naive

Lilly Burn

Hi Silkspin, I used to be on at least 3 forums like this and I realised I was posting on all three then looking for the answers I wanted to hear!! Now Im just on this forum and will take the advice and answers as they come, not try and pick and choose....I think we often look for things that match our situation, meet our needs etc, normal human need for validation I suppose. I also find one forum just helps me be less obsessive as I too sometimes feel like I think about this all too much, particularly as my STBEXAH has been gone for 10 months now...but hes not quite gone and thats why i need to be here from time to time, it still helps a lot and will for some time to come i feel. There is so much wisdom here... Best from Lillyx

ICant

Hi Silkspin. I know what you mean. I have not had to live with the craziness of my husband's addiction for a year now and I still come to this website. A lot less often than before but I still lurk mostly and post now and then. I don't know why.

transformyself

Hi there
When I'm deep in my obsession with AH and his drinking, I come here. But when things are good and I"m detached and not obsessing about him or his drinking, I tend to stay away more. I think I come when I need the support, but am afraid of getting stuck in it by coming here too often.

Does that make sense?

And I don't think I"m as far along as Naive so i can give back to others. She's been doing this a long time and has more wisdom. I just tell people what to do! Not very helpful...

tigger11

Hummm... good questions Silkspun. I'd never thought of that.

Mostly today I'm here to get help. Lots of times, I relate to parts, sometimes large parts of what people are going through, and I get wisdom from the reply posts. I tend to look for responses from specific people whom I've seen good wisdom from, and read those posts very carefully. I think it's important on this (and in any reading), to do the old; "take what you want, and throw the rest away".

My hope is, that as I grow in the experience of healing and healthiness, I'll be able to lend support to others who are where I've been. Sometimes, I'll read a post and know I don't have the knowledge to help, but feel their pain personally, having been through something similar. For those, at times, I'll post something that I hope lets them know that they are not alone, and offer a few words of comfort, and know that somebody with far more wisdom than I will be along to offer more.

There are sometimes posts from people who are going through things that I haven't been through so much. For me it's an AH. For others it's a child or parent. There are similarities, but differences, too. I love reading the stories from people who have been through the same, and are responding in healthy ways. I love the encouragement they offer, and the examples of their healthy responses.

This forum has quite likely saved my life. There must be a zillion collective years of experience. The growth of some of the veterans here is so very apparent. I want what they have. Therefore, I stay, read, learn, soak up wisdom and knowledge and work on me with the tools offered, and hope that someday I will be a veteran whose knowledge and experience will help others.

Carol Star

I am grateful you are all here for me. We carry the message. You can see my situation objectively when I can't. I sometimes get burnt out from everything; the news,work,family,the alcoholic dramas, but sometimes coming here is such relief.

silkspin

Thank you everyone - I know there is a reason I keep coming back! Just knowing my codie self, it's easy to be motivated by the 'unhealthy' factors I stated to feed the codie tendencies, and I really don't want it to be about that. On the other hand, I have learned tons, and I've posted encouragement myself, so I need to always keep that top of mind.

Transform, I've done that for years with things like journaling - when things are good I tend to drop off, but when things are bad I'm writing furiously. But I find it could be negative too because when I'm feeling bad, that's when I end up reading posts that feed that feeling and make me think that it's all doom and gloom. I suppose it's also a bit of voyeurism; curiosity to see into other people's lives, and sometimes I can relate and sometimes it makes me feel blessed that my situation is not as dire as for some.

I was in a bad place this past week; and had adverse side effects which included depression to antibiotics prescribed for a sinus infection. I'm on a different one now and feeling better. I also spoke at the meeting yesterday (it was actually Al Anon and not AA) and although I didn't say any more or less than my own story, the people there were very warm and said that my story was inspiring to them and my path of recovery. So that made me feel better too; that I am actually getting better despite the bumps in the road. But sometimes it's really tough not to be self-serving, especially when facing old triggers and I would always search for whatever ammunition I could find to justify and validate my position.