An update on XABF..

Old 11-28-2009, 05:27 PM
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Unhappy An update on XABF..

I haven't posted here in a few months. I still pop in every now and then to read, but haven't had much to say.

I've spent the past few months watching my XABF decline. Honestly I'm surprised he's made it this long.

He is 38 years old and has been drinking evidently since his early teens. We dated quite a while before I realized just how bad his problem was. He was a leader in our community in a profession that seems to be prone to drinking. I guess I just figured he'd take a drink like I can and then that would be it.

Well it's taken its toll on him. He is bedridden and very very ill. I try and go over to see him once a week or so but it's very difficult. He's not in a hospital (although sometimes I feel he should be) but is living at a relatives home. The strong vibrant man I used to know is gone. All that is left is a man in a skeletal body with a huge distended abdomen. He has ascites and has to be tapped on and off regularly. It's very very bad. When I go over we sit and talk about what I'm doing and what is going on in the "outside world." His room is dark and smothering. I can barely stand to be there. I'm not sure why I subject myself to this other than the fact that I don't want him to die thinking I hate him. I also feel for his family taking care of him and have developed a closeness to them too.

This man has two small children and is slowly depleting his pension to pay for them. He's trying to get on disability but that's a slow go.

I have read on here on and off for a while now. I've never seen someone go downhill as quickly as he did. Some people can drink like he did for a long time and still be able to work and live many years. He is 38!! From googling my fool head off I've decided he's in ESLD. They drain approx 8-9 liters off of him regularly. It's awful. I hate this disease!

So the other day I go over to see him. He can't find the remote control for his TV so I'm crawling around on all fours trying to find it. I look under the bed and there they are - bottles!! I swear I almost became physically ill. It took everything that I had to keep from getting up from that floor and going over to strangle him.

Instead I got up and said I needed some fresh air. I went straight to where his family was and asked if they knew. Evidently on a "good" day he has been able to drag himself to his car and drive to a liquor store. OMG. I was floored. This man is dying and still able to drink!! His car keys are now confiscated but it just blew me away.

I wanted to confront him, but figured why bother. I did come back to his room and tell him I was sick of the lies and going home. I haven't been back since.

I live my life without him ok. I used to cry and pine away for what "could have been" but I don't any longer. I've had a few dates with nice men but I do find myself paying attention to what they order drink wise. I think I always will.

Sorry for the length. I just had to say how insane it was to find those bottles. I truly believed (like a fool) that he was too ill to get out of his bed and go anywhere. Heck he can barely walk to his front porch much less drive a car anywhere.

I have no idea how much time he has or anything. I don't know how you live like he is living.

Thanks for letting me get this latest out.
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Old 11-29-2009, 05:19 AM
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hi brandisue-

my xABF was in a car accident (drunk) prior to me meeting him in which his nose was cut off. they sewed it back on. it is his weak point in his body and if he drinks too much, his blood thins and his nose starts bleeding.

last time i spoke to him, he had come to my door, nose bleeding. he said he wanted to rest at my house because the blood clots were scaring him and he hadn't slept in many nights, for fear of choking.

i told him to go to the doctor's. he said he had and they had sent him home. i could see myself he was bleeding. i was torn. then, i heard the SR family in my head "don't give him a soft place to land. he must suffer the consequences of his drinking."

i told him to leave and go back to the hospital, they would monitor him.

he left.

an hour later, i walked into a bar i never go into, to find someone. and he was in there, a pint of lager in his hand, playing pool! i couldn't believe it.

i guess my point is that with mine, he's acting to play on my compassion. yes, he was bleeding when he was here but i didn't see any signs of it when he was playing pool.

i'm so glad i didn't let him back into my house and fall for it, yet once again.

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