WTH?! I don't know what to do
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Land of the Lost
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WTH?! I don't know what to do
Oh My Goodness! I don't even know how to explain what just happened to me so please bear with me while I try to explain and connect some pieces of a puzzle at one time.
Hmmm ok so let me start with earlier today. I get the cell phone bill, I am looking through it and notice a lot of numbers under the fiances line that I don't recognize, but one number stands out, it was called every day, several times a day, one minute calls each time for the last month, even through the night. I make mental note swear a little but I'm busy so I go about my day.
Later on I go over to my best friends house and we are talking, crying just about to start having a good girly chat session and she gets a work call, she's a juvenile probation officer, so she is talking and she says to me "hey grab something to write with and write down this number" so I grab a pen and she recites a number...THAT NUMBER FROM MY PHONE BILL! She is still talking on the phone and my heart is in my chest for some reason and I am wondering why I just wrote down that number. So she gets off the phone and tells me that she has to make some calls that one of her kids didn't make it in at curfew and his parents looked up the number his cell phone keeps calling from and they think it is the number of a known crack dealer. She says his name is W but he goes by T on the street.
I have heard the name W before from my fiance but never knew who it was. So here I am knowing that number is on my phone bill from the fiances phone and knowing who it's connected to. I am about to throw up. She had to handle business so I just said I was going home so I came home and looked online at all my past billing and the first day it was called was 9-28 and just about every day that I had journaled about the fiances depression or late hours or what have you, that number was called at least 10 times on those days. This is the crack dealer he bought from?! The one that took all my stuff when he didn't have money to pay him?! and I know. I am shaking and I don't know if it's because I am furious, scared or what, I know my head is spinning and I feel like I am going to throw up because I can't even say anything to my best friend. There is nothing I can do.
Hmmm ok so let me start with earlier today. I get the cell phone bill, I am looking through it and notice a lot of numbers under the fiances line that I don't recognize, but one number stands out, it was called every day, several times a day, one minute calls each time for the last month, even through the night. I make mental note swear a little but I'm busy so I go about my day.
Later on I go over to my best friends house and we are talking, crying just about to start having a good girly chat session and she gets a work call, she's a juvenile probation officer, so she is talking and she says to me "hey grab something to write with and write down this number" so I grab a pen and she recites a number...THAT NUMBER FROM MY PHONE BILL! She is still talking on the phone and my heart is in my chest for some reason and I am wondering why I just wrote down that number. So she gets off the phone and tells me that she has to make some calls that one of her kids didn't make it in at curfew and his parents looked up the number his cell phone keeps calling from and they think it is the number of a known crack dealer. She says his name is W but he goes by T on the street.
I have heard the name W before from my fiance but never knew who it was. So here I am knowing that number is on my phone bill from the fiances phone and knowing who it's connected to. I am about to throw up. She had to handle business so I just said I was going home so I came home and looked online at all my past billing and the first day it was called was 9-28 and just about every day that I had journaled about the fiances depression or late hours or what have you, that number was called at least 10 times on those days. This is the crack dealer he bought from?! The one that took all my stuff when he didn't have money to pay him?! and I know. I am shaking and I don't know if it's because I am furious, scared or what, I know my head is spinning and I feel like I am going to throw up because I can't even say anything to my best friend. There is nothing I can do.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
sorry you had to go through this. i understand how you feel, i've done a lot of investigating while trying to live with my ah. it caused a lot of pain, whether i found something or not. for me it was really crazy making.
now that you know what you know, maybe its time to decide if this is the life you want for yourself. nothing you can say or do will make him want to stop, he'll have to want to on his own and for himself and until he wants it, his addiction will progressively get so much worse. sorry about you not being able to talk to your friend but we are here for you. have you gone to any alanon/naranon meetings yet?
now that you know what you know, maybe its time to decide if this is the life you want for yourself. nothing you can say or do will make him want to stop, he'll have to want to on his own and for himself and until he wants it, his addiction will progressively get so much worse. sorry about you not being able to talk to your friend but we are here for you. have you gone to any alanon/naranon meetings yet?
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
brokenNheart....
There are some things you can do, if and when you are ready.
You can say "goodbye."
It's a choice.
You *can* tell your best friend, the probation officer.
You have every good reason to. And proof to back it up.
Or you can continue to have your things taken from you when your "fiance" doesn't have enough money to pay for his crack.
Yea.
Is that what you want?
For how long?
You can also choose to get to an alanon/naranon meeting.
And learn to start taking care of YOU.
Cuz, his isn't doing that.
So, you'd better start.
I'm not trying to be hard on you. I've been where you are with an alcoholic and a gambler. And my son is a heroin addict. Guess you could call me a tripple winner. But, the bottom line is the same.
Take care of you.
It's your responsibility.
And we're here to help.
Because we've been where you are.
Shalom!
There are some things you can do, if and when you are ready.
You can say "goodbye."
It's a choice.
You *can* tell your best friend, the probation officer.
You have every good reason to. And proof to back it up.
Or you can continue to have your things taken from you when your "fiance" doesn't have enough money to pay for his crack.
Yea.
Is that what you want?
For how long?
You can also choose to get to an alanon/naranon meeting.
And learn to start taking care of YOU.
Cuz, his isn't doing that.
So, you'd better start.
I'm not trying to be hard on you. I've been where you are with an alcoholic and a gambler. And my son is a heroin addict. Guess you could call me a tripple winner. But, the bottom line is the same.
Take care of you.
It's your responsibility.
And we're here to help.
Because we've been where you are.
Shalom!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Land of the Lost
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by teke 
have you gone to any alanon.naranon meetings yet?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Land of the Lost
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by historyteach
brokenNheart....
There are some things you can do, if and when you are ready.
You can say "goodbye."
It's a choice.
There are some things you can do, if and when you are ready.
You can say "goodbye."
It's a choice.
Originally Posted by historyteach
You *can* tell your best friend, the probation officer.
You have every good reason to. And proof to back it up.
You have every good reason to. And proof to back it up.
Originally Posted by historyteach
Or you can continue to have your things taken from you when your "fiance" doesn't have enough money to pay for his crack.
Yea.
Is that what you want?
For how long?
Yea.
Is that what you want?
For how long?
Originally Posted by historyteach
And we're here to help.
Because we've been where you are.
Shalom!
Because we've been where you are.
Shalom!
one of the things that was taken was a video camera with tapes of my children when they were little, I'd do almost anything to get those back.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Land of the Lost
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by CarolD
I hope you no longer have your ex on your phone plan.
Take a bubble bath....pleasant music....try to relax.
You need to be gentle with yourself
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
The only thing that I can offer is to use this information as proof that you did the right thing for yourself. That the evidence is right in front of your face and will always be a reminder that he is a drug addict. He has a problem. He stole from you.
You did the right thing. You did the right thing. You did the right thing.
You did the right thing. You did the right thing. You did the right thing.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
When the truth about what my ex was doing became undeniable to me, it wasn't that I didn't know what to do, it was that I didn't know how to do it. I needed to completely and totally detach. That just took time, acceptance and skills.
Now, although not everyday is perfect. It's nothing like it was. I do not allow the past or his actions to ruin my serenity anymore.
I still get reminders of what a complete and total P-O-S he is. I mean, everyday, I look into the face of his little boy. It doesn't effect me like it used to though. Like I said, I have made a conscious choice not to let him disturb my serenity.
I tell myself he is sick. And then I hand him over to his Higher Power. There is nothing I can do or could have done for him.
It is finished.
Now, although not everyday is perfect. It's nothing like it was. I do not allow the past or his actions to ruin my serenity anymore.
I still get reminders of what a complete and total P-O-S he is. I mean, everyday, I look into the face of his little boy. It doesn't effect me like it used to though. Like I said, I have made a conscious choice not to let him disturb my serenity.
I tell myself he is sick. And then I hand him over to his Higher Power. There is nothing I can do or could have done for him.
It is finished.
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