dreamervt

I drink quite a bit (and have been drinking now) but am wondering one thing. And I really don’t want to affect anyone else by writing here, so please delete this if it might be hurtful to others. What I want to know is how being sober can possibly help when the reason I’m drinking is to get away from my life? I mean, I’m drinking to escape from this ‘wonderful’ life, so how can being dragged back into reality possibly help? Like I mentioned before, I really don’t want to ‘bring anyone else down,’ just am lost and am wondering how stopping drinking can possibly help.

And I’m probably not at the point where I will actually accept any ‘help’, so will apologize in advance.

Dee74

Hi Dreamervt

Welcome to SR.

If I could go back 10 years and speak to my younger self, I'd probably get much the same: My life sucks - I’m drinking to escape - I need the escape.

And Old me'd say - 'your life sucks? then change it...

drinking doesn't do squat but get you drunk and help you avoid solving your problems....and if you keep it up, it'll bring you a whole new set of problems that will make the ones you have now look like an episode of the Brady Bunch'...

I hope you're smarter than me and wise up before I did, dreamervt.

D

Sugah

Perhaps because it's only sober that we can work our way towards a life that doesn't suck. At least, that's the way it was for me. I love the life I lead today -- with all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams. I couldn't say that when I was drinking, and I eventually couldn't drink enough for it not to suck.

May you live long enough for it to stop working for you, too...

Peace & Love,
Sugah

flutter

I became the architect of my life when I got sober. I also take responsibility for where my life leads.. I wasn't able to change my life into something that I enjoyed until I stopped killing it with alcohol.

A lot of people never quit. There's no one saying anyone else has to..

Boleo

You are right, for those of us who have the ism of alcoholism the problem starts where the bottle ends. The only solution is to address the root causes of needing to drink in the first place. Namely anxiety, frustration, guilt and despair.

For me; emotional equanimity is essential for wanting to live sober. Without peace of mind sobriety is not worth having.

Mark75

Victims don't get to be sober. I decide whether I am a victim.

Mark

Hevyn

Welcome, dreamer. (I'm on the Eastern Shore.)

I had the same attitude when I was young & it led me to a living hell of DUI's, health issues, financial crisis - all because I wanted to escape from reality. If I'd only worked on what was wrong in my life, things would have turned out so different for me. We can't figure out what's wrong or get to the bottom of our emptiness if we're numb. Nothing gets accomplished or fixed - we stay on square one. One thing you can count on, this progressive disease will have you drinking larger & larger amounts of liquor to get the same effect. Over time I graduated from a few beers to a 30-pack with a bit of vodka thrown in - and that was daily in the end.

None of us here want to see this happen to you. When I arrived here, broken and terrified, I was still not ready to give it up. I gathered all the advice and courage I could find & finally decided I wanted to participate in my life, not just phone it in.

When you're ready, we're here to help. Glad you found us.

dreamervt

Thank you all for your responses. I guess I am using the quick-fix to life by drinking myself blind all the time. It just seems like WAY too much to handle. Bipolar, unemployed, blah blah blah. And alcohol makes it go away very quickly....at least for a bit. I don't know if I'll actually use the wisdom you all have offered, but at least it will be sitting there in my head, and every little pull in the right direction helps.

I also think the bipolar makes me feel completely out of control when it comes to my life. But at the same time I know I have to keep trying. Just sometimes I'm tired of trying and want to escape from it all and that's where alcohol comes in. Just need to pull together any reserve strength I have and STOP relying on the bottle to make me feel better. The viewpoint of victim vs control of your own destiny is comforting, I just have to switch from one to the other.

But I have a good psychologist and a good Psychiatrist and seeing all of your responses makes me rethink my reasons for drinking. Not that I can fool myself into believing that will stop it all, but it makes me think more, and that's always good.

Love you all....JK

Dee74

There's lots of folks here in similar circumstances JK
read and post as much or as little as you like

Hope to see you again
D

basIam

Are you being completely honest with your therapist and doctor about your drinking?

Anna

Hi,

I am glad that you are being open-minded and it's great that you are seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist. I hope you keep reading and posting.

dreamervt

I am completely honest with psych docs and they are very concerned about me. I tend to joke around/blow-off their concerns. But am starting (just starting) to realize their concerns have some basis in reality. They're extremely smart and I am extremely stubborn, so just takes a while. Im still half in love with alcohol, if that makes any sense. For example tonight, I drank what was left of my stash and then walked to a friends house (who is out of town for holiday) and drank all that he had in his fridge. I know what I'm doing isn't healthy, just have to find the resolve/mind set to stop. And that's what I have a problem with, my mind finds a million ways to justify the need for alcohol, when in reality it's not what I need at all.

least

I also have bipolar, tho I prefer to call it 'manic depressive' cause that's more descriptive to me and doesn't sound like I'm a big magnet. I'm on meds for it and they help, especially since I'm not drinking. Drinking and taking meds like that just destroys the effect of the meds. They can't do their job if you're drinking. That's another good reason for me to stay sober.

I hope you stick around. This place has been a lifesaver for me. I love my family here. I am also glad you found us and joined us.

Horselover

Maybe try to put alcohol in perspective. What does it REALLY accomplish for you? You say it helps you forget about life for a few minutes, but how do you feel after the effects where off? Are you further ahead today then you were yesterday? You said you are bipolar and so, aren't you on medicine? Is the medicine accomplishing its full task when you mix it with alcohol?

BTW welcome to SR and you are starting in the right place in my opinion.

shaun00

well.......i think its a valid question to ask yourself.

is my life gonna be any better without booze?

the problem is while i was drinking my perception of life and everything life chucked at me was destorted...

My glass was always half empty.....if you get me..part of me believed that i drank because my life was [email protected] the fact is i drank because i was a powerless alcoholic with no choice.

Once alcohol was removed.......and i embarked on a program of recovery things did get better.....over time my perception started to alter and i could see the wood from the trees........the truth from the destorted lies.

Alcohol was the problem.....apart from some mild depression which i could get the right help once alcohol was removed.

the elephant in the room was the booze.........but while drinking it appeared to be everything else.

Bamboozle

Hey, dreamervt.

There are several folks here who have bipolar and are living sober/clean.

You'll find lots of support here.

Welcome.

CarolD

I am friends with many Bi Polar alcoholics
I've met them in AA.
Each one I know tell me their various med's
are not effective when they drink.

Good to know you are having professional help.

Welcome to SR....

Sikkisirus

to SR - nice to see you have an open mind on things. I still drink some nights (Ive always been honest there) and all I can say is from my experience alcohol is a 'taker' - IT takes you places (and not always very nice places) but being sober YOU are the leader if you get my meaning. You are master of your own destiny whilst sober - you really are not when drinking

TheSunAlsoRises

Hey and welcome. It is a strange catch 22 situation isn't it? My life sucks so I have to drink--my life never gets any different because all I seem to do is drink... ahhhhh!!! Its like groundhog day

The fact of the matter is that for someone with a problem as you are describing life wont get better till after you get sober... I mean sober--not just dry... there is a difference... It is great to hear you are seeking professional help... Many of us do--be honest w/ them and take back your life...

Many programs out there AA, SMRT, Life Ring etc... I go to AA but there are other options, it has just been what has helped me build a more stable life...

Keep posting...

joedris

I've never met anyone who said that their life got better because they drank. Drinking doesn't change anything. Your life is still going to be what it is regardless of whether you try and hide from it or not. The problems don't go away just because you drank a bottle of bourbon. They're still there and will be until you solve them. But here's the glitch - you can't solve your problems unless you face them. Sorry, but that's how life works.

If you want to continue with this "wonderful life", keep drinking. If you want to finally deal with reality and learn what life can be like (and it can be pretty damn good), then toss the booze, stop the pity party, and start dealing with life on life's terms. But until you change, you life isn't going to.