Depressed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: california
Posts: 323
Depressed
How can I get over the feeling of deprivation that others can drink at parties, during the holidays, etc. and I can't? I am jealous that I "can't have fun." It makes me feel anti-social if I can't drink. I know this is wrong thinking. But I can't help it. Advice welcome!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 215
I don't drink or use. Doesn't make me boring. I find that we actually have MORE to contribute. All of my friends, who are normies, understand and don't push the issue. If I am invited to a social function where I feel I don't belong, well sure has h*ll I don't belong. I excuse myself or attend with an entourage. Depending on my purpose for being there. As time goes by, we make loads of recoverying friends that the awkwardness of soberiety leaves us. Hang in there. Don't go it alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: california
Posts: 323
I was sober for 6 years- just did it on my own after a particularly bad night. After 6 years, in 2009 I began a gradual fall off the wagon, culminating with getting drunk on a business trip. That was a week ago, so my new sobriety date is 11-18-09. This time I feel like I need help, so I started by coming here- I'm really glad I found this group! But I think I will also start going to AA.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,557
Keltie, I understand those feelings because that's one of the things that kept me from getting sober for many years. It seemed that life without drinking would be so boring. In the end, I was a total bore due to my drinking. I started drinking to make myself less shy and more sociable, but it had the opposite effect over time.
I can promise you it will get better - it only feels strange in the beginning, as you learn to live again in a different way without getting numb. I'm glad you're here - and I do think AA is a great idea for you. Please let us know how you're doing.
I can promise you it will get better - it only feels strange in the beginning, as you learn to live again in a different way without getting numb. I'm glad you're here - and I do think AA is a great idea for you. Please let us know how you're doing.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Welcome to SR, and thanks for sharing some of your story with us. I'm glad you are considering AA. It's important that we have face to face support as well as online.
Thanks for reaching out! Please continue to do so.
Thanks for reaching out! Please continue to do so.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Glad you're looking for support 
I would never want to be a drinker again.. I am never envious of people that drink. Instead of thinking they "get" to drink, I usually just think of how I "get" to be sober, remember everything, no longer have hangovers, can always drive safely, and can just be myself. I feel a tad bit of pity for folks that still have the crutch of alcohol.. it feels good not to need it. But I had to WORK really hard to get here..
I would never want to be a drinker again.. I am never envious of people that drink. Instead of thinking they "get" to drink, I usually just think of how I "get" to be sober, remember everything, no longer have hangovers, can always drive safely, and can just be myself. I feel a tad bit of pity for folks that still have the crutch of alcohol.. it feels good not to need it. But I had to WORK really hard to get here..
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The GREAT White North
Posts: 315
When I first stopped drinking I was very upset at "I can't drink for the rest of my life!!!! I can't even toast with a glass of champaign on my daughters wedding?"
Then after a reality check with myself I realized that yes, I can drink at my kids wedding. Then I could make an ass out of myself, probably throw up, probably hit on the father of the groom and totally ruin my kids wedding. LOL.
The reality for me is that booze didn't even work for helping me be a social person unless being social is dancing on the tables. It had lost it's 'fun' for me and was more 'humiliating'.
Then after a reality check with myself I realized that yes, I can drink at my kids wedding. Then I could make an ass out of myself, probably throw up, probably hit on the father of the groom and totally ruin my kids wedding. LOL.
The reality for me is that booze didn't even work for helping me be a social person unless being social is dancing on the tables. It had lost it's 'fun' for me and was more 'humiliating'.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Keltie,
Welcome to SR. I come here often as a supplement to my AA group. Here is a good link on what to expect at your first AA meeting:
Your First AA Meeting
Welcome to SR. I come here often as a supplement to my AA group. Here is a good link on what to expect at your first AA meeting:
Your First AA Meeting
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Some AA groups have Alcathons during the holidays. These are meetings that pretty much run 24 hours a day over the Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years holidays.
The great part is --- everyone has a really great time and there is no drinking. We hear great speakers, get to socialize with lots of people who understand us, and even get to help others.
I do understand the feeling, but it usually means that you haven't resolved the underlying problems that made you drink. Focus on your recovery and then the cravings and these feelings will begin to go away.
Have a nice Thanksgiving. Don't stress about it.
The great part is --- everyone has a really great time and there is no drinking. We hear great speakers, get to socialize with lots of people who understand us, and even get to help others.
I do understand the feeling, but it usually means that you haven't resolved the underlying problems that made you drink. Focus on your recovery and then the cravings and these feelings will begin to go away.
Have a nice Thanksgiving. Don't stress about it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: boulder, co
Posts: 75
This is my second Thanksgiving sober although my recent sobriety date is 11/15/09. I do feel jealous of others at times, but then I just remind myself how not fun drinking is for me. At least sober I am being the real me, not falling down drunk, saying something stupid, or worse yet not remembering what happened. Instead of focusing on the alcohol I focus on enjoying the company I have around me and that feeling goes away. If it is an event where people are being pushy about drinking I would simply have to leave at that point. Fortunately I have a good idea how my Thanksgiving will go-probably one or two people will offer me a drink and then move on when I say no. It's hard and I know the uncomforatble feeling but I have also had enough brief periods of sobriety to know it will go away. I have also had enough consequences of events I chose to drink at where I hurt people to not want to repeat that.It will get better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: california
Posts: 323
I am so grateful for all of you. I am touched to find such a caring, supportive community. When I quit before, I was too ashamed to tell anyone - even my best friends don't know I'm an alcoholic. I feel such a sense of relief to be her with you. Thank you!
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Welcome keltie. I am glad you found us too.
I am not a drinker. But I can relate to feeling a little envious of others who get to do things I use to be able to do.
I thought I was boring or couldnt have fun sober either.
But as time went by, and I just relapsed myself and havent really had any considerable clena time, But I became more out going as time passed.
I learned to just be my regular goofy self and not care if people thought I was silly or weird.
If you had 6 yrs sober before. I have no doubt you can do it again.
What did you do before to have fun? Did you still feel that way the whole 6 yrs?
Hang in there and I hope to see more of you.
I am not a drinker. But I can relate to feeling a little envious of others who get to do things I use to be able to do.
I thought I was boring or couldnt have fun sober either.
But as time went by, and I just relapsed myself and havent really had any considerable clena time, But I became more out going as time passed.
I learned to just be my regular goofy self and not care if people thought I was silly or weird.
If you had 6 yrs sober before. I have no doubt you can do it again.
What did you do before to have fun? Did you still feel that way the whole 6 yrs?
Hang in there and I hope to see more of you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by keltie 
When I quit before, I was too ashamed to tell anyone - even my best friends don't know I'm an alcoholic.
Today I know several alcoholics that can tell you similar stories.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi again Keltie
Being resentful of other drinkers bought me back time and again to drinking...until I nearly died from it...honestly, I've been too happy to be alive since to be resentful.
There's a lot of things I didn't ask for or want to deal with - alcoholism is just the latest in a long line.
Some people are diabetic, some people are allergic to certain foods....
You and I are alcoholic.
It's a given - so we have to live with it the best we can.
If you feel anti social not drinking can you try different social situations? Ones where drinking isn't as much of a focus?
Ask yourself - what do you think you're missing? write it out.
Look at how true that list is.
Then match that list with your experience of drinking and the trouble it's led you to.
If your life isn't better without that drinking insanity...I'll be very surprised.
D
Being resentful of other drinkers bought me back time and again to drinking...until I nearly died from it...honestly, I've been too happy to be alive since to be resentful.
There's a lot of things I didn't ask for or want to deal with - alcoholism is just the latest in a long line.
Some people are diabetic, some people are allergic to certain foods....
You and I are alcoholic.
It's a given - so we have to live with it the best we can.
If you feel anti social not drinking can you try different social situations? Ones where drinking isn't as much of a focus?
Ask yourself - what do you think you're missing? write it out.
Look at how true that list is.
Then match that list with your experience of drinking and the trouble it's led you to.
If your life isn't better without that drinking insanity...I'll be very surprised.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: NW Wisconson
Posts: 95
Today was my first alcohol-free Thanksgiving since I was about 17....make that 30 years. I have never been through a holiday without before. I usually wallow in lonlieness with my husband, or on rare occasions with my family - where the focus of the day seems more the pre-meal wine, cocktails than the food. Relieved today to be sober. Remember that gross, need a nap feeling from wine and turkey? Not today! I bought (zillions of calories) "sparkling spumante" white grape juice in its pseudo champaign bottle. It was fine, and I don't have the holiday depressed end-of-day feeling. Baked some cookies (more zillions of calories!) and will pat self on the back for Day 41 done. Thanks to all for the support. Best to you Keltie. . . you're not missing out this Thanksgiving, for sure.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: MD
Posts: 64
Great advice for you here...plus you will be able to remember all the fun you are having!
I was in AA meetings all day today and while I don't have much time myself, a lot of people were expressing how great the feel now that they have created memories over the years of non-drinking and how much better they feel, how relieved their families are to have them back.
I have made it through the day thinking how bad I feel when I drink and thinking how great my life can be if I just maintain this. I had very little urge to drink it all even though others were drinking at dinner. I told my friend that hosted the dinner last night that I quit drinking and no one even offered me a drink! Terrific! Hang in there and think of how fortunate you are to be here and be sober and not have to depend on anything to get you through life but your wonderful self!
My best,
BA
I was in AA meetings all day today and while I don't have much time myself, a lot of people were expressing how great the feel now that they have created memories over the years of non-drinking and how much better they feel, how relieved their families are to have them back.
I have made it through the day thinking how bad I feel when I drink and thinking how great my life can be if I just maintain this. I had very little urge to drink it all even though others were drinking at dinner. I told my friend that hosted the dinner last night that I quit drinking and no one even offered me a drink! Terrific! Hang in there and think of how fortunate you are to be here and be sober and not have to depend on anything to get you through life but your wonderful self!
My best,
BA
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