coyote21

Well I spent several hours today at the CPS office being investigated for the sexual abuse of LMC, my 8yo daughter.

Last Saturday we had an interview with a Big Brother/Sister 20 something in our home. She interviewed me then LMC, and was asking her questions about appropriate/inappropriate touching. LMC was sitting there looking funny at me and I stepped in to explain her odd looks at the questions.

I explained how we had planned to attend a "sexual abuse" work shop for kids the week before on Monday night. Seemed like a good idea to me till Sunday when LMC asked me to explain "sexual abuse" to her.

I was giving it my best shot when LMC said,"So it's like that time when we were sleeping together and you put your hand on my butt and I pushed it away"?

Well, yeah, it is kind of like that! I decided it might be a good idea to
skip the workshop, as I could easily end up doing exactly what I was doing today....how ironic.

LMC had gone through a period where she would flip and flop around at night, sometimes her feet would be on the pillow in the morning. I had reached over and put my hand where her back should have been, oops. We discussed it the next day and I told her it was an accident but it was good that she had pushed my hand away. BTW, this had NEVER happened before or since, and she gets to sleep in my bed only on weekends. It's a treat for us both.

So I'm explaining this to the young interviewer and she's looking at me like I have two heads.

I get a call yesterday from CPS telling me to show up with LMC at 10 am today and that the police are involved. Great. All day Tuesday I was scrambleling around trying to find childcare for today so I could work. Hey, problem solved.

We got there and of course I was treated like the disgusting piece of man-crap that I am. LMC was whisked of to another location for a "forensic" interview by a trained professional.

Thank God for that, because since she wasn't being sexually abused she didn't show any of the earmark signs of abuse. Good, game over right?

Wrong. I was "abused" by the CPS lady for about another hour. I finally told her "With all due respect, there is a huge power differential between us right now. My child was interviewed by a professional and obviously wasn't the victim of any abuse, and now I'm beginning to feel quite brow beat by you."

She softened a bit, but the interrogation continued and will go on for another month. Apparently they don't like it when they are wrong and someone is vindicated. Means some kid wasn't a victim, that's a good thing, no? You'd think. But you know how we disgusting men with our penises are. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change."

I was actually asked to explain about when I "touch LMC's bottom and kiss her on the lips." You know, I do both of those things. I pat her bottom, been doing that since she was in diapers. And I kiss her on the lips, just not at the same time!

I asked her later if me patting her butt bothered her. She said heck no. I'm sure at some point I'll just naturally know when to stop it.

Tomorrow I will give thanks with/for my good Alanon friend, my adopted "sister". Without who's help "Talking me in off the ledge" during LMC's interview, I don't know where I'd have been.

But mainly I'll be giving thanks that my precious LMC is sitting there on the floor happily playing with her LPS animals like "nuttin'" even happened today.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

P.S. One of the last things the CPS lady asked me was if there was any one who she could call to discuss LMC's and my relationship. I said yes, about 20-30 Alanon ladies who have known both of us for close to 4 years! Thank you Alanon.

Pelican

I'm sorry you had to go through that whole process. I have no idea how crazy that must feel, but you handled it very well.

One of the last things the CPS lady asked me was if there was any one who she could call to discuss LMC's and my relationship. I said yes, about 20-30 Alanon ladies who have known both of us for close to 4 years! Thank you Alanon.

Yes! Thank you Alanon!

Coyote, you are a great dad. I hope you and LMC have a happy thanksgiving together.

tigger11

Hang in there, Coyote. You're right, and right wins.

Impurrfect

(((Coyote)))

I'm sorry you had to go through that. My dad and stepmom have been raising my niece since she was 1, and her mom (my stepsister) was killed in a car wreck. Her other grandparents were determined to get custody of her and accused my dad of molesting her. He had to go through he!! to prove nothing had happened, including listening to situations with electrodes attached to his male parts!! He said he felt "dirty", strictly because of the way he was treated like a leacherous old man!!

The accusations were unfounded and nothing became of it, but it hurt him deeply. Brit (my niece) also slept with he and stepmom for years..until she got tired of dad's snoring

The other grandparents, and her "dad" (who is in jail for the umpteenth time) have tried numerous times to call DFACS on us, and each time they have been shot down. In fact, there is something in her other grandfather's history and he was told "if you keep this up, YOUR history will come out" and at that point they stopped. Her "dad" was told "you have a snowball's chance in he!! of gaining custody of her, and I suggest you drop your request".

When you are doing the right thing, as you obviously are, things work out. Yes, it's a pain to be accused or have to deal with the authorities, but it's also a good feeling to know that you have nothing to hide and LMC is such an honest little treasure, and is being raised by such an awesome dad....I suspect there won't be any further issues.

Good for you on how you dealt with it!! Please give LMC an extra hug for me...I think of her and you often, and it brings a huge smile to my face AND my heart.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Jadmack25

Coyote, what a miserable experience for you. I do so wonder about how "they" pick and choose in cases.

Here we had some poor dad hounded to hell and back until it was proved it was all a load of vicious revenge for a neighbourly dispute way back.
The same Department left a child who was bruised and battered go back for another dose from Mum's drugged up boyfriend, and this ended in that child's horrible death.

Frankly any child would love to have the relationship you and LMC share together, and you deserve a Father of the Year award, not this hassle.

God bless

bookwyrm

Still Waters

Good God - I would have lost it. It's a sad thing where a Dad and child can't sleep in the same bed anymore without people thinking dirty things.

Sigh.

Hang in there coyote

coyote21

You know, before Alanon, I would of lost it too. But man, loosing it with this group of people would really open up a can of worms, so best to just sit calmly and take it.

And yes, sometimes I believe the entire world has gone absolutely crazy. You can't discipline your kids by swatting them and you can't show love by hugging them. Seems we're headed for a "touchless" society. Won't that be healthy.

My Alanon "sister" summed it up very well when she said the CPS dept is full of "untreated" Alanons.

Oh and Jadmack, Impurrfect, and Bookworm, thanks for the kind words, you make my eyes well up.

I think I may print out copies of my original post and add the CPS ladies phone number and pass them out at my Saturday morning meeting.

Any one have any thoughts on that idea? All opinions welcomed.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

JenT1968

((Coyote))

Sounds like a very worrying experience, and unpleasant, but this too shall pass.

you may not feel like it, BUT, your parenting is being vindicated, slowly and under intense scrutiny, feel proud.....



it isn't their job to make you feel like a great dad. YOU know whether you are a good dad or not. Their job is just to make sure you aren't a monstrous one.

scoff. yes you can. even men can

no we aren't: back in the real world...

step back. rationally look at the the things said as if you were the stranger whose job it is to protect children and identify abuse. of course they had to investigate, and they have accepted that nothing is wrong, they are just following their protocol to finish that up.


I am thankful there are services, which however flawed, do investigate potential child abuse cases thoroughly no matter how uncomfortable and worrying that it is for innocent adults, because it saves many children from further abuse. I am grateful that there are people who are willing to step into the lives of others and make necessary and difficult judgements on whether there is danger there, and who have to live with the consequences of those decisions on children because there is no way I could do a job that harrowing.

I am grateful that children are believed, that potentially worrying statements are looked in to, that people don't always assume that adults always have children's best interests at heart, and I am grateful that they are finding out that there is nothing to worry about in your family.

coyote21

Thanks for your perspective, of course you are right, from an outsiders view my statements must have raised many red flags.

You have helped remove some of the "sting/outrage" from it all.


Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote