drunken shame
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2
drunken shame
Hello,
Well I am now taking the first steps to what I hope will be a recovery. I am 32 now, a professional with a good job. Ive been drinking for a long time and things are really going downhill for me. Im treated for depression and anxiety but I need more help. I hate being a drunk, its shameful and embarassing. My life has been a hellish nightmare-at least until my early twenties and Ive spent the last decade dealing with the fallout. Trying to recover my self esteem and mental health. Trying to attain my goals and have the life I always wanted...Instead Im drinking it away. I drink mostly at night, Ill say Im just going to have a glass of wine and end up drinking two bottles and passing out. I **** the bed when I do this-really nice. Men love that! needless to say Im stilll single and the very few friends and family I have are pulling away. The first man I ever loved walked away from me and I just got dumped again last week. I dont know how to stop, I know my binge drinking is filling a void inside me but the void keeps getting bigger and bigger. Last summer I had a complete mental breakdown and was suicidal. Since then I have started therapy again. My best friend died of this and Im afraid Im going to end up like her or worse, Ill be that fifty year old drunk lady in the bar everynight stalking the cute twenty somethings. Toothless, worn out, haggard and crazy....Uh Oh here she comes everyone look away so she doesnt come over here! There is nothing more pitiful to me than a drunk-thats what I am though. Im at a crossroads...I want to be sober but I dont know how
Well I am now taking the first steps to what I hope will be a recovery. I am 32 now, a professional with a good job. Ive been drinking for a long time and things are really going downhill for me. Im treated for depression and anxiety but I need more help. I hate being a drunk, its shameful and embarassing. My life has been a hellish nightmare-at least until my early twenties and Ive spent the last decade dealing with the fallout. Trying to recover my self esteem and mental health. Trying to attain my goals and have the life I always wanted...Instead Im drinking it away. I drink mostly at night, Ill say Im just going to have a glass of wine and end up drinking two bottles and passing out. I **** the bed when I do this-really nice. Men love that! needless to say Im stilll single and the very few friends and family I have are pulling away. The first man I ever loved walked away from me and I just got dumped again last week. I dont know how to stop, I know my binge drinking is filling a void inside me but the void keeps getting bigger and bigger. Last summer I had a complete mental breakdown and was suicidal. Since then I have started therapy again. My best friend died of this and Im afraid Im going to end up like her or worse, Ill be that fifty year old drunk lady in the bar everynight stalking the cute twenty somethings. Toothless, worn out, haggard and crazy....Uh Oh here she comes everyone look away so she doesnt come over here! There is nothing more pitiful to me than a drunk-thats what I am though. Im at a crossroads...I want to be sober but I dont know how
capra laeviculus
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: German Village, OH
Posts: 3,427
Welcome, GGW!
I'm glad you're here! I hope you stick around and read a lot, there's a lot of great information here, and there are a lot of great people here who have been (or currently are) where you are!
For my own part, I think I will enjoy being toothless, haggard and crazy, but I don't want to be drunk when I'm that way, because then I won't have nearly as much fun giving the whippersnappers what-fer :-D
Please keep coming back!
-Goat
I'm glad you're here! I hope you stick around and read a lot, there's a lot of great information here, and there are a lot of great people here who have been (or currently are) where you are!
For my own part, I think I will enjoy being toothless, haggard and crazy, but I don't want to be drunk when I'm that way, because then I won't have nearly as much fun giving the whippersnappers what-fer :-D
Please keep coming back!
-Goat
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 96
Hey Girlgonewild.
Do not despair. There is a way out. It sounds imaginable right now but that's because your mind is telling you you have to drink. Not true. You can do this if you truly want to, and from what I'm reading you truly want to.
Try an AA meeting! Don't let your pride or your atheist beliefs come in the way (if you are an atheist, I can't know). I went 3 months ago and it's the best thing I've ever done for myself. I'm 29 years old and so happy to have found a solution now.
This disease is terrifying but you don't have to live this way. You'll know a whole new life being sober
That's the problem with many alcoholics. They truly want to be sober but don't know how. It's sad but true. There's a solution and it's called...AA! I don't want to be this AA spokesperson, haha, but I think I've already become one. Because it works. It's good. If you deside you don't want AA there are other secular programs One thing is certain, tough. You need help to do this. Don't be afraid to ask for it.
All the best
Do not despair. There is a way out. It sounds imaginable right now but that's because your mind is telling you you have to drink. Not true. You can do this if you truly want to, and from what I'm reading you truly want to.
Try an AA meeting! Don't let your pride or your atheist beliefs come in the way (if you are an atheist, I can't know). I went 3 months ago and it's the best thing I've ever done for myself. I'm 29 years old and so happy to have found a solution now.
This disease is terrifying but you don't have to live this way. You'll know a whole new life being sober
I want to be sober but I dont know how
One thing is certain, tough. You need help to do this. Don't be afraid to ask for it.All the best
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Hi and Welcome,
Alcoholism is a disease, not a character defect, but I agree with you that there is a lot of shame and guilt associated with alcoholism.
I`m glad you have decided to live a sober life.
I, too, had boxed myself into a corner, given up my hobbies and activities and detached myself from friends and family.
Know that you can live a sober life and we are here to support you.
Alcoholism is a disease, not a character defect, but I agree with you that there is a lot of shame and guilt associated with alcoholism.
I`m glad you have decided to live a sober life.
I, too, had boxed myself into a corner, given up my hobbies and activities and detached myself from friends and family.
Know that you can live a sober life and we are here to support you.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
you have come to the right place, welcome. I was filled with despair and overwhelming shame the day I found this website. I am 10 months sober now, and my life is better far beyond my expectations. I came here only wanting to not drink, and I found my way to a wonderful life, as can you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 6
Hi Girl,
You sound just like me. I was 33 when I got sober and thanks to AA, the steps and doing what is suggested, I have been clean and sober for 18 years and 9 months now. It is possible!
My life was a mess too. I was a bar fly and party girl during the weekends, laying my life on the line with risky behavior and repreated bad decisions. I had a good job but my (hangover) absences were starting to put that at risk. My life was progressively getting worse. Sounds crazy, but I went on like that for 10years or so before it crossed my mind at 33 that maybe my use of alcohol was the basis of my troubles. I went to AA face to face meetings and got a temporary sponsor and started to make friends in AA - we supported each other and began to learn to enjoy life sober.
Instead of a 50 yo drunk female, unemployed and disgusted at herself, I have made great advances in the last 18 years. My life has progressively gotten better in sobriety. The trend was reversed. I have advanced in my career, my salary has gone up a lot, I married a nice guy, sponsor women and my AA friends are truly the bright spot in my life.
Hang in there girl! Keep coming back to this site - and consider going to some face to face meetings too if you can. People there want to help. People helped us and we give back to stay sober ourselves.
Wishing you a sober future,
NWMarge
You sound just like me. I was 33 when I got sober and thanks to AA, the steps and doing what is suggested, I have been clean and sober for 18 years and 9 months now. It is possible!
My life was a mess too. I was a bar fly and party girl during the weekends, laying my life on the line with risky behavior and repreated bad decisions. I had a good job but my (hangover) absences were starting to put that at risk. My life was progressively getting worse. Sounds crazy, but I went on like that for 10years or so before it crossed my mind at 33 that maybe my use of alcohol was the basis of my troubles. I went to AA face to face meetings and got a temporary sponsor and started to make friends in AA - we supported each other and began to learn to enjoy life sober.
Instead of a 50 yo drunk female, unemployed and disgusted at herself, I have made great advances in the last 18 years. My life has progressively gotten better in sobriety. The trend was reversed. I have advanced in my career, my salary has gone up a lot, I married a nice guy, sponsor women and my AA friends are truly the bright spot in my life.
Hang in there girl! Keep coming back to this site - and consider going to some face to face meetings too if you can. People there want to help. People helped us and we give back to stay sober ourselves.
Wishing you a sober future,
NWMarge
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Welcome, GGW!
I hope you will find the support and information you need here. I know I have! I was a binge drinker too and am now days away from two years of sobriety. Again, Welcome!
Love,
Lenina
I hope you will find the support and information you need here. I know I have! I was a binge drinker too and am now days away from two years of sobriety. Again, Welcome!
Love,
Lenina
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR GGW, first thing I would suggest you do is read NWMarge's post about 50 times and know that there is a solution, I was 52 years old when I finally ran up the white flag and surrendered, I was years beyond running the bars and the ladies, the last 5 years of my drinking were spent alone in my garage, marriage and life going down the tubes!!!!
I like you had no idea how to stop!!! My last 5 years I doubt I drew a sober breath!
I gave up on trying to stop my way, I picked up the phone and called a drug and alcohol hotline on my insurance card. I saw a doctor the next day, he told me my only chance to even begin to get sober was medical detox!
I went to medical detox, there they told me if I wanted a chance to stay sober to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor!
Well I was whipped and was williing to try anything, I went to those meetings and many more, I got a sponsor, my sponsor and those with many years sober told me if I wanted a chance at long term sobriety to take the steps with my sponsor........ Well I did just that.
I have been sober over 3 years, I do not fight cravings or the obsession to drink, that was all lifted when I took the steps and have continued to apply them to all areas of my life.
See a doctor first, follow the docs advice then throw yourself heart and soul into a program of recovery, AA saved my life, call your AA hotline and ask about ladies meetings to start off with, if after quite a few meetings you find AA not to be your cup of tea then check out other programs.
You are not alone, there is no reason to try and beat this alone, there is HOPE!!!
Read NWMarge's post!
I like you had no idea how to stop!!! My last 5 years I doubt I drew a sober breath!
I gave up on trying to stop my way, I picked up the phone and called a drug and alcohol hotline on my insurance card. I saw a doctor the next day, he told me my only chance to even begin to get sober was medical detox!
I went to medical detox, there they told me if I wanted a chance to stay sober to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor!
Well I was whipped and was williing to try anything, I went to those meetings and many more, I got a sponsor, my sponsor and those with many years sober told me if I wanted a chance at long term sobriety to take the steps with my sponsor........ Well I did just that.
I have been sober over 3 years, I do not fight cravings or the obsession to drink, that was all lifted when I took the steps and have continued to apply them to all areas of my life.
See a doctor first, follow the docs advice then throw yourself heart and soul into a program of recovery, AA saved my life, call your AA hotline and ask about ladies meetings to start off with, if after quite a few meetings you find AA not to be your cup of tea then check out other programs.
You are not alone, there is no reason to try and beat this alone, there is HOPE!!!
Read NWMarge's post!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome to our family, ggw. You aren't alone any more. When I found SR I'd been drinking for more than 25 yrs. You're still young and this thing can be turned around. A whole new life awaits you - you can do this.
Try not to feel ashamed or guilty. I know a little of it is unavoidable, but those emotions are destructive and hold you back from recovering. You didn't ask for this disease, and most likely it took control of you without you even realizing it was happening. I know that's how it was for me. Hold your head up and start on your journey of recovery. Please let us know how it's going for you.
Try not to feel ashamed or guilty. I know a little of it is unavoidable, but those emotions are destructive and hold you back from recovering. You didn't ask for this disease, and most likely it took control of you without you even realizing it was happening. I know that's how it was for me. Hold your head up and start on your journey of recovery. Please let us know how it's going for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2
Thank you for your supportive words. I know I cant be happy unless im sober. i know ill be alone until im sober. Ive been lurking on the AA website and thinking about going. I guess I dont know if Im an alcoholic or an alcohol abuser-or does that matter. I guess if I want to stop and cant I am an alcoholic. I used to be able to stop; for school, for a diet-now I cant
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
I guess I dont know if Im an alcoholic or an alcohol abuser-or does that matter. I guess if I want to stop and cant I am an alcoholic. I used to be able to stop; for school, for a diet-now I cant
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
That's just the thing - I used to be able to stop too. I only drank on weekends. When they say it's a progressive disease, I'm living proof of that. The week before I decided I had to quit or die, I was sleeping with a bottle on my nightstand - reached for it all night to stop the shakes. It was in my system 24/7. No amount of alcohol made me numb or did the job in the end. This never has to happen to you!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
Hi GGW
Welcome - lots of good advice here. The only thing I'd add is no amount of thought or analysis beats action. Look into AA or other recovery programmes - heres a link to some of the main ones...or look into counselling, or at least speak with a dr.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
I don't think it matters what you call yourself. Just know this is not a moral weakness or a character defect...the road to wellness starts with accepting you have a problem you need to fix - and as with any kind of problem, addiction or dependency - nothing changes if nothing changes.
Hope you find something here at SR that helps. I did.
D
Welcome - lots of good advice here. The only thing I'd add is no amount of thought or analysis beats action. Look into AA or other recovery programmes - heres a link to some of the main ones...or look into counselling, or at least speak with a dr.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
I don't think it matters what you call yourself. Just know this is not a moral weakness or a character defect...the road to wellness starts with accepting you have a problem you need to fix - and as with any kind of problem, addiction or dependency - nothing changes if nothing changes.
Hope you find something here at SR that helps. I did.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 6
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. You dont have to decide anything more than that. I have found gtprat support and many friend in womens meetings. Please give that a try and keep us posted. We care!
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