woog

Do addicts typically only surround themselves with other addicts? My ex, used to have a good group of friends but, now the only people she spends any time with are addicts of one thing or another. She was clean for 6 weeks but she's back on it, right where she was 4 months ago. I have gone to great lengths to cut all ties but, I've been thinking of sending her an email on Thanksgiving, and then on the 25th of every month after saying "It's never to late to get better. Good people will always care for you." I know it's kinda cheesy but, should I waste my time, or just entirely let go? Peace.

ZombieWife

I think your notion is a beautiful one.

My husband needed other addicts in his life. In a sick way, it condoned his behavior if he could have someone "join him" in the illness. Now, he looks at those old friends with a certain measure of sympathy and revulsion. He isn't judgmental toward them personally, only toward what they represent to him (his former life using).

I think your "lifeline" is a really lovely one. One of those emails just might be what offers a light at the end of the tunnel to your ex.

You sound like a kind person. I like that!

:ghug3

cessy68

I agree w/ cynical on this one. Although it is nice that you care for her.... and everyone should feel 'loved', if she appreciated your love, OR was CAPABLE of loving or being loved back, she may not be your ex.

Time to just cut the ties, it's not your responsiblity to remind her that she is cared for. She needs to care for herself.

In addition, in the past, I had to take a good look at 'why' I was sending text, writing a letter, or leaving a voice mail. I typically would rationalize it as 'just letting someone know they were cared for/loved, but in reality, It was futile attempt to get some kind of response back........ regardless of how much I denied it. Thats a hard thing to admitt....but very true in my case.

Take care,
Cess

(and yes, of course addicts hang w/ addicts..... would you hang w/ sober people if your intrest were to be/or get high?)

woog

I think that's what I needed to hear. As for "of course addicts hang with only addicts," I am not one and have never known one before, so their actions and thoughts are very foreign to me. I will not send any emails, you guys are right. Thank you.

justanothrdrunk

As far as your original question goes, I think it's only natural for anyone to surround themselves with like-minded people. Just my $.02 on that part.

jerect

Yep... Birds of a Feather Flock together

Nikki2003

Yup. The guy I was recently seeing left to be with his ex because she and all her friends are addicts. I am not. Had no idea he was. My friends are mainly people from my church, womens group and so on. He was attending church with me. His friends all thought he had the best life here. I am an old fashioned type. Do all the house cleaning when the other person is working, make all home made meals and baking(no prepackaged stuff here) forced him to get out of the house to have guys night at least once a week so I could have girls night. Treated his friends and family with tons of respect. His guy friends (who have since stop hanging out with him when he disappeared) thinks he is totally crazy to have left for a woman who refuses to cook or clean or work or take care of her self and controls his every move, call, job everything just so he can do drugs. A few even asked me to teach their wives. lol. Joking of course. I think. Anyway yes they will give up anything to be with other addicts.

As for the letter thing I agree with the others. It is a way of holding on. They need to hit bottom. The man I knew before he left was an awsome guy. Seriously. I feel bad when I see him now in tattered dirty clothes, begging for money from anyone he can for anything. Lost his job in one week after leaving here. But I cut contact with him and though I feel really bad for him I am not responsible for him. he has to learn to be responsible for himself. Good luck.

woog

Wow, Nikki that's a smiliar story to my own. I did push her a little at the end but, the girl I know is gone...The only beneficial lesson I learned from this is the stereo type is true "lie cheat and steal." If ever an addict, no matter how close they are to me, comes to me for help the only thing I will offer them is a car ride and a phone...