brugger

how do you trust a "recovering addict" when you think he's using again. I'm trying to have faith in him and have been by his side helping him and encouraging him but I have this sickening feeling like he's going behind my back. Comfronting him doesn't help because he used to lie about it so much I don't believe him. I feel like I'm becoming unhealthy because I am so stressed all the time. I am so tired. Addiction is a powerful thing that hurts everyone. I just don't know how to keep going and how to let it go.

smacked

As a former addict, I can throw my opinionated answer at you.. "you don't".

If he wants to get/stay clean, he will.. if he doesn't want to, he wont. You very well may be becoming unhealthy if you're concerning yourself so much with 'his side of the street' so to speak. It's really not your business if he's using or not, as far as I can read here.. maybe step back and wait to see what happens, and let him work his recovery on his own, as might be best, and if he's wanting to recover.

Dee74

Hi Brugger

It sounds to me like you've got a lot invested here.

Whether hes using again or not, you need support, and you may need some advice on how to detach. Addiction can be a pretty awful love triangle.

Have you ever thought of going to AlAnon or NarAnon?

D

brugger

I haven't been to naranon yet. I went to an NA meeting with him last week. We have five kids I can't walk away. I think he wants to be clean but I don't know how bad. i'm the one who picks the pieces up each time and I'm tired. I can't not care or be concerned because we have kids. By the way his addicton is oxycodone prescriped for pain but abused. We went to the doctor and detoxed ten days ago. We've done this a lot though. He always says never again. i hope this time he means it but the trust is gone. It's a horrible feeling not trusting your husband.

Anna

Hi,

I`m sorry for your situation.

Your husband will have to decide if he is ready to live a sober life. You might want to check out the Friends and Families Forums on this board for support for yourself.

sailorjohn

Welcome!!!

Oh yeah, I know those feelings. That sickening feeling is your gut trying to tell you the truth, something that can be very hard for your heart to accept. If you wander over to the friends and family forum, you'll find a lot of wisdom and experience there.

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
.

Hevyn

I've been on both sides of this thing, brugger & remember well those horrible feelings of betrayal. I was the best enabler ever & did all the wrong things. I never helped my husband, and only made myself sick with worry & resentment. I agree, you need support from others who have been where you are. No one understands like they do. It's a huge relief to be able to share and talk about it. I know having 5 children complicates matters greatly - please let us know how you're doing.

CrackQuack

How long has he been clean? If it's for a short period of time, you cannot trust him. Not because he isn't trustworthy, but because he WAS untrustworthy and you might feel like you just cannot trust him. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to let go. You cannot control him either. One good thing is to NOT accuse him of using. You do it enough, his addiction will tell him that he might as well use. Try al-anon or a similar type meeting for support for YOU. You've got to find some support for yourself. The friends and family (of addicts) forum is extremely helpful in this area, here at SR. You need to focus on you and you alone and get yourself back to healthy. It's best for you, but also good for him too. Just like him focusing on himself and his recovery is best for him but also very good for you! But like he has to be selfish in recovery (like he was selfish in addiction), you need to be selfish in finding your way as well. :ghug3
I wish you the absolute best. I cannot fathom what you are going through, as I, myself, am the addict. But I know a few friends and family members who could relate, all the hell I've put them through..