Gotta get this off my chest.

Old 11-23-2009, 02:10 PM
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Gotta get this off my chest.

We are renewing our life insurance policies. They still have 5 years on them but if we renew now we can extend them for less than if we wait. Last March I was refered to a neurologist because a doctor I saw is concerned I may have MS. The neurologist ordered a brain MRI. I diid not feel comfortable with the neurologist. A couple of weeks after the MRI, I called her office because I hadn't heard anything. Someone got back to me and said the MRI was normal. I didn't expect to have MS but I was kinda surprized to hear my brain was normal. So, I know "normal" is what I was told. I recently picked up a copy of my MRI to take to my regular doctor. I read the report and it did not say normal, it didn't even rule out MS. I knew I shouldn't trust that neurologist. Anyway, I haven't been talking about any of this with my AH. He new about the test but that's all. There's no reason for me to think he'd show any empathy towards me so I keep my feelings about it all to myself.

I had to tell him (in the morning when he wasn't drunk) I couldn't fill out the life insurance forms because they ask questions I don't know the answers to... if I die, they could refuse to pay because my records show MS is possible. He was furious with me for self diagnosing and making him worry for no reason. I lost it for a few seconds, said, "this is not about you, it's about me..." He had no right to get upset with me, if anyone had the right to get upset it was me and I thought I was making as little of it as possible. Then I said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't get mad at you for reacting the way you do. You are who you are and it would be foolish of me to expect anything different from you."

A few days later, he was mad at me for accusing him of sending a very innappropriate photo of me to a male aquantance of mine via my e-mail. He did this years ago (when he was a dangerously psycho drunk before). I confronted him about it when I found out. He didn't deny it and by that time things had already hit the fan and he was on antiabuse so I let it go. So now it's years later and he's claiming he never even got into my e-mail.... Well that's a big fat lie but he is a pathaalogical liar so there's no surprize. Quack quack, quack.

See what happens when I don't keep the boys out until he's passed out? At least the boys went straight to bed when we got home so they were asleep when this happenned.

I know, I know... why am I still here? It's only a few more weeks until the boys and I head for the mountains for 4 months and then we'll only have to see AH when he comes up on the weekends. I already have the truck half packed.
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Old 11-23-2009, 02:17 PM
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gee, he's not very comforting regarding your fear of ms, is he?

do you plan on staying with him? just asking because if you are considering leaving him, it might not make sense to reknew his life insurance policy. five years is a long time with and alcoholic.

and, that's great news that you and the boys are getting out of there for four months! that should give you some space and peace! i'm thrilled for you.
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Old 11-24-2009, 04:33 AM
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I feel your pain! I went in to the OB last year for some pains and irregular a/f's I was having. Did a pap for the first time in 6 years. I waited weeks, got no results. Finally called and she said it wasn't abnormal but it wasn't normal and they wanted me back for a cervical biopsy. She explained all sorts of things to me on what could be. I was devastated!! Went back for the biopsy a couple weeks later (which hurt like hell). Waited a couple weeks, still no results. I got a statement from my insurance saying they denied the claim for the biopsy because it wasn't medically necessary. What? They say I may possibly have cancer but a second test to confirm or rule out isn't necessary?? I called the office for the biopsy results, she didn't understand why I had a biopsy cause the pap was normal. Sadly, it wasn't the last time I went back to her either. Went for something else around the same time. She kept saying there was nothing wrong with me. Left her office for the 4th time in a 2 week time frame with an Rx for antibiotics that she said I didn't need but they were giving me anyway (like some people get their high off of antibiotics????? and that's all I wanted????) I left her office, got in my car and BAWLED MY EYES OUT!! I knew something was wrong but she kept telling me there wasn't. Drove home and tried to get out of my car but couldn't move my leg. Had to call the house phone (was living with xabf at the time). Begged him to come outside to help me get in the house. He did and took me to our room. I laid down, crying. And all he could say was that I need to quit this fooling around and just see the doc. I've been in pain for 2 weeks and it's gotta stop. I just need to get off my high horse and go get checked out. Why would I put HIM through something like this?

HUH??? Excuse me?? Why am I putting YOU through this???

I did end up going to the ER that night and spent 18 hours hooked up to IV's for fluids, antibiotics, pain meds. I was pretty sick. I was so dehydrated and tense they had a heck of a time drawing blood. But once they could I think they took half of what I had left. Took 4 days before I got feeling back in my leg to where I could walk again.

But I was putting xabf through hell by not going in sooner to be checked out! Never did get anything when all the statements came through from my insurance. ALL the lab results my OB had done and the dates were on there. Proved I had been going in for two weeks. But I was still putting him through the pain of having to watch me hurt. I wasn't doing anything about it.

It gets better. Hang in there and off on your joyous vacation you go!! With no one to answer to except you!!!
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Old 11-24-2009, 06:45 AM
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Pretty textbook: It's all about them.

Thing is, they aren't capable of giving what it is you want/need. And asking for something that someone isn't capable of giving is a recipe for resentment and disappointment.
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