Startingover2

I just recieved an email from my exMIL.

Now this is a woman who lived 20 long years with a very active, abusive alcoholic. Let her 9 children live with the chaos until he died. She went to Alanon for 25 years.

Today she sends me an email telling me I should find love in my heart this week for exah. To be loving towards him, just as God loves him. To show him how a life with his family is better than the one he is living now with alcohol. Maybe invite him for dinner with baby and I and then on Thanksgiving I should sit near him and rub his back. He really does have a good heart and loves people.

A good heart? Where was this good heart when he was cheating on me thru my whole pregnancy? Where is this good heart now while he is having an affair with a married woman? Where is this good heart when he continues to want to cake eat? Not make any changes with regards to his drinking and pill popping?

She believes he seeks out other women due to his drinking. That if he quit drinking ALL would be fine and dandy in his world. I believe its his character.

I cannot even respond without being disrespectful so I won't say anything at all.

Rub his back? Sheesh!

transformyself

Wow. Sorry to take her inventory, but I'd write back to say that I wil be praying for HER to come out of her denial and rub her own back. Maybe she'll find a bone in there.

Better yet, send her to this forum and tell her to read it.

naive

i don't know why, but it's all so ridiculous to me today, i'm finding this post quite funny.

perhaps don't write anything and let it sit with you until tomorrow.

i imagine that she is well-intentioned and from where she sits, that's good motherly advice. she wants what is best for her son, which she thinks is you. so in some ways, it's a compliment! ha ha.

Hammer

Know you know why they are "Ex"

Maybe someone thought you needed a reminder?

Good job on that part.

Keep it that way.

tjp613

Naive -- me too!! I'm laughing at the silliness of her delusion. Startingover -- I think you are wise (and very strong!) just to keep silent.

....still LOLing....

Startingover2

It is really funny. I can laugh about it now. I used to not be able to.

I know she is concerned about her son. I do remember something she told me awhile back when I said enough...'I love my granddaughter, but I love my son more'.

I am not going to respond.

JenT1968

sit near him and rub his back (?)....by jingo she's cracked it: a cure for alcoholism and codependence.

irritating beyond belief, although really sad too,

whyamistaying

[QUOTE=JenT1968;2441137]sit near him and rub his back (?)....by jingo she's cracked it: a cure for alcoholism and codependence.[QUOTE]

That made me smile. Wouldn't that be great if a back rub cured it all? I am glad you are not responding. That is the wisest thing to do. Don't get mixed up in the madness and enjoy your holiday and daughter.

honoryourself

LOL. My MIL (who lives abroad) told her son that he should buy me flowers and tell me he loved me. That would be the cure for everything he's done and said to me. He walked in with flowers and a bottle of wine, we fought, he opened the wine and drank it.. great cure!
She emailed me saying she'd heard he bought me flowers and how nice a gesture that was and that he was trying to make amends. I told her I was sorry but the flowers came with a verbal card that said "you make me want to kill myself by telling me I'm so awful, you've made my life miserable." Not really a love note.
Victim, victim victim, with flowers in hand all packaged nice and pretty on paper.

bleah.
rub his back.. my goodness, I love backrubs more than sex and if I could EVER get a back rub from my husband??? no way! He knew I liked them too much.

ItsmeAlice

Wow! Remember when we all thought that way. When we all thought that if we just loved them enough, cuddled them enough, or saw only the good things in them that their lives, and our lives, would be free of all the consequences of addiciton.

Once you've pulled back the curtain on the truth of this disease, you can never shield your eyes from it again. The shocking truth of recovery.

It seems you have this situation well in hand my friend! Wish her as much love as you can muster and then block those oh-so-well-meaning emails from your inbox.

Happy Monday!

Alice

littlefish

Funny with 25 years of alanon she sounds pretty darn codie. What happened to let go, live and let live....etc.

Startingover2

I think she believes that about everyone but her children or herself! I reminded her the last time she visited that I am doing this for my childs safety, health, and well-being. She left her 9 children in a very abusive alcoholic home and put them thru heck. Now...6 of those 9 children abuse drugs and/or alcohol today.

Cucumber2Pickle

sounds like she is just trying to see the good in him and probably let you allow him to spend time with his kids. Sometimes I dont go to my A/bf's mom just bc I know even though she agrees that he has a problem. I think she is still a little biased toward him. I think you should do what you think is best for you and your children - I think you already know what that is.