sofacat

SO here's an interesting one for you. Hope you enjoy the show.

My RAH has been clean and sober now for just over 60 days. Great for him, fantastic for me...however-

I have an AM who lives directly across the street from us who has been (forgive the pun) a total pill to deal with!

You see, until my AH went into rehab, she had an ally up until now. In the back of her head, she knew she wasn't alone and has been sickly comforted by his illness as well. (Misery loves company, right?)

Well, now that my RAH has been working the program, as have I...she has been the crankiest woman I have ever met! A constant complainer, and a danger to herself. The other night she came over to show me the stitches from when she almost cut her finger off trying to slice something while she was on Ambien. Oh yeah, did I tell you she likes to wash down her sleeping pills with Vodka? It's just too much to deal with. To top that off, I think she drove herself to the Hospital. Geez!!!

So what does this have to do with Thanksgiving, you ask? Well, let me tell you...

A few months back, I let the family know that we would be hosting Thanksgiving at our house this year. I have a VERY big family and we rotate houses every year. The event we had a few years back was a blast (We live in Florida, so it's an indoor/outdoor kind of thing. So fun!) Anywhoo...the family was so excited about this, and were we. I have alot to be thankful for this year and was really looking forward to having the family over.

Then...for the first time in ten years that my H & I have been together...she decides to pick a fight with him...and I mean battle! You see, she came over here one afternoon while I was at work with my sister (her ally) and spoke to him in a very demanding, nasty manner. Well, my RAH is in a much healthier place (he being a recovering codie as well) and decided he was not going to let her speak to him with that tone ever again. He dismissed my Mother & Sister. What?!!! "How dare he!" Well, at least, that what she was thinking.

So without a word to me, my Mother & Sister decided to move Thanksgiving to my Sisters house instead. Now you can imagine my surprise when I sent the e mail out to the family about Thanksgiving here and My sister "Replied to all" that SHE was having it at her house! Waaaat?!!! Now, the rest of my family is clueless to what is going on and just is along for the ride.

I however, am pretty p!ssed about this whole thing.

When mother came over to show me her stitches, I asked her (kind of in an innocent tone) about how I thought we had planned to have Thanksgiving here...and what happened? She replied.."Oh, that was awhile ago that we planned it, we weren't sure if it was really happening so your Sister decided to have it instead." LIE LIE LIE! So, I gently pursued the issue further, and she exclaimed..."I just don't think I can stomach being around RAH's name here." And then she baited me into trying to debate what had happened between them I simply replied "I'm sure you two will work it out."

I am very proud of myself for not wedging myself into the battle between my RAH and my AM...it is their issue and I'm sure at some point they will work it out. Not an easy task, but I am managing one day at a time. The proximity issue is a killer, if she lived far enough away from us...I could have a little space. But I can feel the guilt and anger from across the street!

Now she started a texting War with him yesterday. She was extremely passive aggressive with Him and He of course, being new to the program...took the bait. I am proud to say that he immediately called his sponsor and talked it out. All is good on "this side" of the Hood...but my AM is across the street stewing in silence.

Now I had already committed to having my RAH's family here for Thanksgiving (His Mom is 17 years sober this year.) And will have a nice, relaxing, non-slippery fiesta here...and I won't be seeing my family for Thanksgiving. however-

It really ticks me off that she and my sister did this behind my back, and it is making me !!!!!!!!!!!

I know, I know it's their problem, not mine...I get it. And it's just another day with Turkey in it...yadda yadda yadda...

So I am going to try to approach her from a place of love and caring, because I know she is not well...but i am hurt by their actions and really feeling like !
So I'm to figure out a way to confront the issue without making it too emotional.

So, yippee for family Holidays...I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving, and if there's anyone out there with some words of wisdom...

I'm all ears!!

sailorjohn

Count your blessings. Will probably be spending Thanksgiving in Dubai, or London, or Amsterdam. Not sure where. No Thanksgiving turkey there.

Still Waters

I am going out to a Japanese steak house for Thanksgiving. Everyone else can fend for themselves.

intheknow

We normally have Thanksgiving at our house for both sides of the family...(I just typed damily then corrected it, is that a Freudian slip or what?)...two turkeys, tons of food, two meals, games, fun...and a lot of work and stress.

I told everyone that I was not up for it this year. So we are joining my mom and dad and my moms side of the family at the lake. I asked RAH to call his mom and let her know we weren't having Thanksgiving. I told him what I was doing (we are separated), and did not necessarily extend an invitation to him. Didn't not invite him either. Just told him of my plans.

I have truly never felt this happy about Thanksgiving in a long time. I will make a few things, and the kids and I will go to a low pressure day and relax. Just a few weeks ago I was stressed as all get out wondering how I was going to pull Thanksgiving off this year. I sure as heck didn't want to spend the day with the inlaws, and I knew I wasn't real happy about even having RAH present.

My words of wisdom here? Do what you want to do, and what makes you happy. If it includes your family great! If it doesn't include your family - that's ok, too. Just let your feelings and your wisdom guide you - and don't settle for anything less than what makes you happy.

Maybe this is the year for new traditions? A trip to somewhere new? A day with just your family (kids?) and new food?

MeHandle

How about.... ummmm.....I hope the other relatives show up at your house and act as if they were confused and just came to the house of the original invitation...:-) I could happen. :-) Have a wonderful thanksgiving with the 'peaceful' people. It is nice when no family member is high or drunk at thanksgiving dinner.

sb0804

For the first time in 10 years I will experience that feeling. My AW will not be home for Thanksgiving so I won't have to watch her get blackout drunk on Thanksgiving. I can't tell you how much I look forward to Thanksgiving this year.

sofacat

((((yeah))))

I am so happy for you! What a relief that is. You will actually be able to breathe this Thanksgiving.

Have the best one ever and thank you for the post!