supportforme

My AH admitted to relapse again. I've set my boundries. No pills, no lies and no self medication. I will only support recovery. He went to his doc this week b/c of dizzy spells. He claims he told doc that he is addicted to oxycodone and on suboxone. Doc said does not think its related. He needs to have a heart monitor and see a neurologist for tests. If this is all true, I want to be here for him. So, last night while he was at work I told him that if he has a serious medical condition, he needs to understand that I cannot compromise my boundries. If he can't understand that then being with me right now may not be healthy for him. The discussion got heated and he told me he was having another dizzy spell and needed to calm down. My problem is that last Christmas when he was messed up in front of the whole family (only time) b/c he mixed oxy w/vodka, I told him to leave and he informed me that he had a brain tumor -- I immediately felt like crap and decided to back down. Of course, he admitted to addiction 8 months later. So, I decided that I can't compromise my boundries b/c I'm concerned for his "health issues". This morning he fell and I offered to take him to ER. He wouldn't go so I went to work. At work I found an email from him sending beneficiary information and the note said "keep this in case something happens". I called his therapist and he advised me to call 911. I came home and met the police b/c he was sleeping. He said that this was a misunderstanding and I overreacted. I told him I'm not sorry for what I did. I wish they could have forced him to the hospital. I'm not going to watch him destroy himself. There's an empty feeling inside me. I kept praying on my way home that he was OK. This is in God's hands and I know it. There is nothing more I can do. He still claims he wants to make this work. Actions speak louder than words.....I'll know my answer, if I haven't already figured it out. I just feel so defeated. Feeling really sad right now.

tjp613

I'm confused...you said he admitted to relapse? I don't see that in your story..?

supportforme

Sorry - probably my babbling. He has recently relapsed and went to stay with his mom. He now claims that he is back on suboxone so I let him come back. He claims he is not taking any pills but I don't know what to believe anymore.

Ann

Sometimes it's impossible to make sense of the insanity of addiction. Because they lie, we cannot believe what they say...and we should not have to try to "guess between the lines/lies"

The drama of illness/brain tumours/suicide threats/poor me are used to disguise what is clearly addiction. We buy into it because we think "what if it's true this time?"

This is why it's a good idea to just take a giant step back and figure out what is healthy for US. If they are sick, there are doctors to take care of it. If they are using, there are detox's and rehabs to take care of if. All we need to worry about is our own well being and what we are willing to live with or not.

Sending big hugs because I know this is so very much harder than it sounds. I think you already know your answer, but there is no need to do anything until it is clear. Believe me, when we stick around long enough it becomes very clear sooner or later.

Hugs

rayofsunshine

Sending hugs as you figure this out. Keep reading and posting. It helps to talk it out.

teke

sending hugs and prayers your way.

NeedingHelp7

((((supportforme)))))

supportforme

Went to therapist today. I asked why she thinks I still haven't just told him to move out. She told me that I'm afraid to be the bad guy. Through all these years of pain, all I care about is hurting my children. I know what he's doing is hurting them. I just pray to God to give me the strength to make the decisions I need to for my kids. Thanks for all your support. Joining this site was the best thing that ever happened to me. He came today before work to spend time with the boys. It's just so sad....when we succeed, our children reap the benefits; when we fail, they deal with the consequences.

devastated

supportforme, you set your boundaries and now you must keep them in place.

One thing an addict is really great at is "pushing buttons!" They will tell you anything to get a reaction. When they find a button that works, they play on it until you finally figure out that it's a lie. Then, they go to the next button and so on and so forth. As soon as you stop reacting to his drama, he'll try some other tactic.

In short, do not believe anything he is saying while he is actively using because it is just a ploy to throw you off the track of what is really causing his problems.

Take care of yourself and children first. Remember he is doing exactly what he wants to do.

Hugs, Devastated