Not my problem anymore??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Oklahoma City Oklahoma
Posts: 8
Not my problem anymore??
I just needed to vent a little and hopefully get some words of wisdom from you all. Even in divorce my AH still calls trying to suck me back in with those sweet words we all want to believe. I know deep down I am thinking I must do this because I am the "love of his life" ha meth is the love of his life. He is in jail, on wed the judge in my child support case put him there, and yet he continues to try to call. For some reason it is incredibly difficult for me not to take the calls but I have not so far. I know its that feeling oh if I just help him pull out of it he will see what he has lost but after 8 long years back and forth perhaps enough is enough? I know you all know the strength of emotional blackmail and let me tell you if he were making money at that he would be a millionaire! Trying to stay busy and not answer that dang phone but what to do when he gets out, with children together I have to talk to him and my resistance is weak at best I talk a big game but almost always let him break me down only for more hurt. I plan on telling him when he gets out that it is not about any "us" anymore but I can say that until you want help and get it you will not see your boys I refuse to let them watch him unravel all over again. Any advice?
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
He's in jail, right now, because Meth is more important to him than his children's welfare. Parenthood does not cure addiction.
That feeling "oh if I just help him pull out of it he will see what he has lost" thing is your own control issue. It has nothing to do with the children.
Most parents would not knowingly expose their children to the chaos of Meth addiction. What good could possibly come out of it? And yet, it seems that when that Meth addict is the parent, it's somehow OK for a lot of people to do so. It has nothing to do with the children and all to so with the parent.
Your children are learning how to treat others and be treated, at your knee.
If you cannot refuse the call on your own behalf, consider doing so for the children. And no fair using the holidays as an excuse for poor judgment. Holidays do not cure addiction.
That feeling "oh if I just help him pull out of it he will see what he has lost" thing is your own control issue. It has nothing to do with the children.
Most parents would not knowingly expose their children to the chaos of Meth addiction. What good could possibly come out of it? And yet, it seems that when that Meth addict is the parent, it's somehow OK for a lot of people to do so. It has nothing to do with the children and all to so with the parent.
Your children are learning how to treat others and be treated, at your knee.
If you cannot refuse the call on your own behalf, consider doing so for the children. And no fair using the holidays as an excuse for poor judgment. Holidays do not cure addiction.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi caringex, i think you have a good idea of what you need for yourself. i know its hard to not answer the phone but i've always told myself "if i don't listen to my ah's junk then i can't fall for his junk.
my ah is in jail now too and i just don't want to hear it, its his decision that got him there and i feel if i bail him out once, i'll be expected to do it again one day.
besides, he's just being forced to make his payments and maybe he's learning that he has to somehow put that ahead of his drug use. he's suffering the consequences for his actions. ino, i think this had almost nothing to do with you unless you allow him to convince you that it is. you are in my prayers.
my ah is in jail now too and i just don't want to hear it, its his decision that got him there and i feel if i bail him out once, i'll be expected to do it again one day.
besides, he's just being forced to make his payments and maybe he's learning that he has to somehow put that ahead of his drug use. he's suffering the consequences for his actions. ino, i think this had almost nothing to do with you unless you allow him to convince you that it is. you are in my prayers.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Oklahoma City Oklahoma
Posts: 8
Thank you I just wanted to add that he does not live with me nor do I let him have the boys without court ordered supervision they are not being exposed to a meth lifestyle. I just have the reality of facing that the family we had will never be.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Read the book "co-dependent no more" by Melody Beatty. If you've already read, now's a good time to read it again. Stay strong. Remember, in jail, they are very good at telling you what you want to hear. All they usually do there is sit and think... alot of time to think about what you want to hear. My ex always got jailhouse religion, was going to change etc. Once out, he sang a different tune.
Remember, NO is a complete sentence. Also, unplug the phone at the times you think he might call. Collect calls from jail are expensive... you don't have to answer any more than you decide to.
Keep reading and posting. It will help you so much as you go through this. SR saved
my sanity!
Remember, NO is a complete sentence. Also, unplug the phone at the times you think he might call. Collect calls from jail are expensive... you don't have to answer any more than you decide to.
Keep reading and posting. It will help you so much as you go through this. SR saved
my sanity!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Oklahoma City Oklahoma
Posts: 8
You are so right about that. He agreed to get treatment which is a huge step because in all these years he has never admitted to even having a problem. I hope for the best and I agreed to help him in anyway I could so cross your fingers for him and send your prayers.
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