Sad
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: boulder, co
Posts: 3
Sad
So... here is what's going on.
He went to a detox or acute setting rehab... those are his words. He called me from there. After getting the heroin out his system (replaced by methadone), he was supposed to transfer to a nicer 90 day program.
But- (this is all what he told me...)they cannot prescribe methadone at that 90 day program and he is dependent on that. This doesn't make sense to me... is that even possible? Anyway, he went back to his dad's house (because he lost any other options due to his addiction...) to get a prescription... so now... because the rehab needs him not to be dependent on methadone (supposedly) ...he has to ween off the methadone using an outpatient methadone maintaince. Then in a couple days he will go back to the 90 day program.
This is all seems fishy to me. Part of me thinks this is just another lie and ploy to not go to rehab. What's the deal? Although... I do know he is at his father's house who knows of his problem and wants to help.
What do you guys think? I have pretty much no experience with this sort of thing before this current situation.
Also, today has been a very hard day for me. I never got to say goodbye to him... and he is just suddenly out of my life... and so are the drugs. I have to admit that i would use with him recreationally every once in a while. But- i never developed a problem. I have gone months without touching it even though he was using numerous times a day every single day. I'm just one of those people that can use recreationally and not become addicted. I have not used since he left. BUT- because I am having such a terrible day, i just want to get high. I miss him. I feel like my life has been completely changed. I've been ripped out of my comfort zone. He was always there... now my mother has flown in from switzerland and is staying with me until december (which i am really happy about because otherwise ...i dont know) and then taking me back to switzerland... i just feel like everything has gone so fast...and i just want it all to go back to normal eventhough i know i was in a poisonous situation. I've lost my friends because i was too blind to see what they were trying to tell me... I get very lonely. I feel like im in this alone. I just want him by my side... i know he needs to get better...im so scared for this dramatic change in my life. Not only his absence but also... the different lifestyle...the new expectations...moving back to switzerland... new environment...having to start over...
It's all so scary right now. On top of all that... (my mom left to LA for a couple of days)...Ive just spent tonite...bored...at home...in a small apartment...the one that i watched him shoot up H in... so i had a moment of weakness and called his old dealer...who didnt pick up...and hasnt called back and wont...but im disapointed in myself... because if i could i would have gotten high.
And now I have anxiety, which means falling asleep will be soo hard...and thats all i want to do is be asleep.
sorry for the word vomit. Im just a big ole mess right now.
He went to a detox or acute setting rehab... those are his words. He called me from there. After getting the heroin out his system (replaced by methadone), he was supposed to transfer to a nicer 90 day program.
But- (this is all what he told me...)they cannot prescribe methadone at that 90 day program and he is dependent on that. This doesn't make sense to me... is that even possible? Anyway, he went back to his dad's house (because he lost any other options due to his addiction...) to get a prescription... so now... because the rehab needs him not to be dependent on methadone (supposedly) ...he has to ween off the methadone using an outpatient methadone maintaince. Then in a couple days he will go back to the 90 day program.
This is all seems fishy to me. Part of me thinks this is just another lie and ploy to not go to rehab. What's the deal? Although... I do know he is at his father's house who knows of his problem and wants to help.
What do you guys think? I have pretty much no experience with this sort of thing before this current situation.
Also, today has been a very hard day for me. I never got to say goodbye to him... and he is just suddenly out of my life... and so are the drugs. I have to admit that i would use with him recreationally every once in a while. But- i never developed a problem. I have gone months without touching it even though he was using numerous times a day every single day. I'm just one of those people that can use recreationally and not become addicted. I have not used since he left. BUT- because I am having such a terrible day, i just want to get high. I miss him. I feel like my life has been completely changed. I've been ripped out of my comfort zone. He was always there... now my mother has flown in from switzerland and is staying with me until december (which i am really happy about because otherwise ...i dont know) and then taking me back to switzerland... i just feel like everything has gone so fast...and i just want it all to go back to normal eventhough i know i was in a poisonous situation. I've lost my friends because i was too blind to see what they were trying to tell me... I get very lonely. I feel like im in this alone. I just want him by my side... i know he needs to get better...im so scared for this dramatic change in my life. Not only his absence but also... the different lifestyle...the new expectations...moving back to switzerland... new environment...having to start over...
It's all so scary right now. On top of all that... (my mom left to LA for a couple of days)...Ive just spent tonite...bored...at home...in a small apartment...the one that i watched him shoot up H in... so i had a moment of weakness and called his old dealer...who didnt pick up...and hasnt called back and wont...but im disapointed in myself... because if i could i would have gotten high.
And now I have anxiety, which means falling asleep will be soo hard...and thats all i want to do is be asleep.
sorry for the word vomit. Im just a big ole mess right now.
When Pigs Fly
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
I'm sorry you are in so much pain right now, I remember what it was like, being sad that "he " was gone... But even now when I miss him I ask myself"is it him I miss? or do I just not want to be alone?" it is always the alone part, see My exah had me on pins and needles, walking on egg shells all the time. I no longer live that way, sure it was hard VERY hard to move on, but it was the best thing ever! Be kind to yourself, things get better.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 247
For me it was always just the fear of being alone that had me going back, time and time again. And the fear of admitting what was truly happening to my family and friends. Guess what? My family and friends have been incredibly supportive.
I get stronger each day, and you will too. Just breathe and try to get thru each minute, each hour of the day. Pray alot. Scream alot. Cry alot. Whatever you need to get you thru the madness.
I also recommend counseling, and some sort of addiction therapy group like Al-Anon/Nar-Anon.
You will be ok. You just have to take care of you.
I get stronger each day, and you will too. Just breathe and try to get thru each minute, each hour of the day. Pray alot. Scream alot. Cry alot. Whatever you need to get you thru the madness.
I also recommend counseling, and some sort of addiction therapy group like Al-Anon/Nar-Anon.
You will be ok. You just have to take care of you.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the Sober Recovery family!
I hope you were able to get some sleep last night. Being tired and being lonely is a bad combination. H.A.L.T. is an anacronym I learned here at SR. HALT stands for :
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
When you are experiencing one of those symptoms, or a combination, you are at risk for unhealthy reactions. (using, drinking, binge eating, etc...) Recognize the signs and have a plan on how to get through them with your health and dignity intact. Have healthy snacks on hand, call a buddy(mom), change your routine, whatever it takes to stay clean and sober. Take care of you - you're worth the effort!
You may be experiencing grief. Your partner did not die, but the relationship as it was has ended. It feels like a death emotionally. The stages of healthy grieving are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Recognizing the stages helps me to accept them as they occur and ride them out. It is a part of the recovery process.
Please visit and post as much as needed. Read the sticky notes at the top of each section. The sticky notes contain our experiences.
I hope you were able to get some sleep last night. Being tired and being lonely is a bad combination. H.A.L.T. is an anacronym I learned here at SR. HALT stands for :
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
When you are experiencing one of those symptoms, or a combination, you are at risk for unhealthy reactions. (using, drinking, binge eating, etc...) Recognize the signs and have a plan on how to get through them with your health and dignity intact. Have healthy snacks on hand, call a buddy(mom), change your routine, whatever it takes to stay clean and sober. Take care of you - you're worth the effort!
You may be experiencing grief. Your partner did not die, but the relationship as it was has ended. It feels like a death emotionally. The stages of healthy grieving are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Recognizing the stages helps me to accept them as they occur and ride them out. It is a part of the recovery process.
Please visit and post as much as needed. Read the sticky notes at the top of each section. The sticky notes contain our experiences.
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