LeeRoy

What do you do to prepare for holidays when you've just asked your son to leave and you don't know where he is, when he'll come home and if he will be using and/or show up unannounced.

I cannot imagine not including him in our plans and celebrations and yet I have dread in the pit of my stomach at the thought of what it could mean to have him join us. The idea of a family without a beloved member just makes me feel torn into.

I know I'm suppose to focus on today but I felt such a pang when I saw the holiday tent filled with trees I just couldn't seem to get past feeling sorry for myself and my family for the state we are in at the moment. I hate this sooo much. I miss my old life. It's not been even a year of battling this but I just long to feel that old sense of comfort at the thought of all my loved ones safe and happy under one roof.

barb dwyer

LeeRoy ....

we try and remember that ... it's not Christmas yet.
It's not even Thanksgiving.
It's the week before.

And if it is still a thing -
we go and find someone to be good to...

preferrably anonymously.

But we get busy.
And we stay here.
In the present, hon.

Welcome to thursday.

teke

i agree with dywer, one day at a time. oh what a difference a day can make. i do understand how you feel though, i've had to spend a lot of special days without my loved one. you and your son are in my prayers.

Ann

LeeRoy, I feel your pain because I had many Christmas's with my son living on the street, or in a hostel, and when he was just too into his addiction to take a chance on inviting him for the day. Odds were good that either a family riot would ensue, or it would be peaceful until he left and things were missing.

Some years I made special time for him where we met for Christmas lunch some place safe and neutral, or we would go for dinner and to church Christmas Eve and then I'd spend Christmas Day with my family. For gifts, I bought him warm gloves and socks (they go through a lot of socks on the street), boots one year, and maybe as sweatshirt or sweater to keep him warm, sometimes a couple of packs of cigarettes and maybe some basics like toothpaste and deodorant. Sure, he could sell them, but most years he needed them so much they went to good use.

He understood, and perhaps was a little relieved not to have to put in a day straight.

AA and NA has ongoing meetings during the Holidays, rehabs and detox's are open, and he has other options that are safe and healthy...if he makes the choice to go there.

And I would try to do something special during the holidays, like delivering gift boxes for the Salvation Army or one year I was The World's Oldest Elf at a Christmas Party for kids at a women's shelter. These were both gifts to myself because I always came away feeling so much better.

We each have to find out own way. Living one day at a time is good, and remembering that even the hard days are only one day and that the sadness won't last forever.

Hugs

Ann

P.S. A little closer to the holiday, I will start the thread "Cards Hallmark Forgot to Write" and we can have some fun with that. It's an annual event here, and makes us smile.

Serenity Bound

LeeRoy, I'm right there with you, as I was changing the locks the other nite, of course the door was open, so I look across the street, and right in my face is a decorated xmas tree in the neighbors front window. Yep, the tears were flowing.

Hugs
Chris

Seren

(((LeeRoy))) I hear ya. I found out today that my A stepson is living at the homeless shelter in town. He has been so scary in the past that we do not have plans (at this time) to invite him to any of the holiday gatherings. Huge hugs and prayers for you and your son.

HG

cherrie1

LeeRoy I understand how you feel. I just can't believe the holidays are right around the corner I can't get into the spirit. My son is living on the other side of the country in a court ordered rehab. Two Christmases ago he was in a rehab in our state so we could see him. Last year he was sober and flew home and we had a wonderful Christmas and a month later he relapsed so once again we are on the roller coaster and will have another year without him. It is hard but we will all get through it (thank God we have each other). Hugs to you and your family.

Heretotalk

LeeRoy

I too just saw a christmas tree lot. The need to cry was overwhelming. I just left my husband a mere 4 weeks ago. I fill my days with my son, my family, my friends and my prayers with good wishes for him to find his way back to sanity, whatever that is. I used to try to direct that path back to me... I realized recently thats not really letting go and letting God.

I also free myself up for Gods will. And when I do good things happen.

- Susan

rahsue

I'm so sorry you and others have to deal with holidays without a loved one. This addiction crap could at least take a vacation for the holidays!!!! Time will allow you to accept the things you cannot change. Peace will be with you once again.
my thoughts and prayers to all of you.

stefanie

LeeRoy, I understand how you feel. My son will be in jail until March. I really miss him more than ever!

cessy68

It's funny what the 'holidays' do to us. My humble opinion, is as follows: this is whats working for me.

I'm celebrateing MY life, and all that I have to offer everyone. I'm celebrating 'Christmas' and in general, the 'holiday spirit'. I want the kids I have to be happy, and feel the warmth in their hearts. I will give at every pantry, food kitchen, etc. that I can afford to. I will think of all the others who have it worse than me....... even when I feel the depths of despair. After all, pain is real, but we can choose...... to feel the love around us instead. Watch a childs eyes light up looking at santa at the mall, make yourself a hot cup of 'joe' and hang some lights around your home. Be thankful that you have a warm place for YOU, and enjoy the seasons magic.

Believe me darlin'.......... I am one somber chick over here. I love sad songs, and feeling 'miserable'...... so to speak. I FEEl, when I feel. Yet, I made a vow to myself this year, I was NOT going to let the holdiay spirit be ruined by the addict in my life.

Just a thought.

Love,
cess