nodaybut2day

I had a visit with XH last night. It went...well, all things considered. He wimped out on going to pick up DD at her daycare, saying that since I had the car, *I* should go get her. He also called my mother in a huff and texted me when it took longer to get DD to him than anticipated.

Aside from that though, things were ok. He was ok. He still had a beer in his hand, but he looked fine. We didn't talk about "us". We only talked about his son's report card, impending French projects, and we played with DD. She obviously knows he's her dad: she held out her arms when she saw him and she cuddled him a few times. It's not like she hates him or anything...He hadn't planned a meal for her, once again, blaming it on me, and he also didn't bathe her again, but things felt so "normal". There was no anger, no conflict, and I can plainly see that this man loves his daughter.

It made me doubt myself.

It made me wonder if I was/am being a crazy b*tch for wanting to get sole custody and supervised visitation. It made me think that maybe he doesn't have a drinking problem. Maybe I'm the intolerant one.

I don't want to deprive my baby girl of someone who loves her, and yet, I can't forget all the pain I went through with him. All the tears, the rage, the despair. But then again, that was *me*. He hasn't hurt her...

I have mediation tomorrow. I need to figure this out NOW.

Live

(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

Look at the first line of this post.....he wimped out on going to pick her up from daycare.
And was drinking again.

If you hadn't picked her up and taken her, was it important to him to be with her, really?
And still no dinner or bath.

Maybe go back and read your past posts.

Being and acting fondly toward the DD for a little while doesn't change everything does it?
Anyone can do that for a little while.

Bernadette

from live: Look at the first line of this post.....he wimped out on going to pick her up from daycare. And was drinking again.
If you hadn't picked her up and taken her, was it important to him to be with her, really?
And still no dinner or bath.

Amen.

Minimizing is a symptom of my disease: codependence!

peace-
b

nodaybut2day

Thank you livewerd and Bernadette for your input. You're both absolutely right. I just needed a confirmation of my sanity today.

I think I'll go back and print out ALL my previous posts and make a little book of them, to read and re-read whenever I start to waver. I guess my X's "charms" still work on my feeble mind...

megan09

I found that during my relationship with xabf and during the months after we finished I was still questioning my sanity; I would ask myself if he REALLY had an alcohol problem or was it me getting things wrong? I sometimes would take all the blame on myself for what had happened! How mad is that? Today I challenge my thinking quite a lot and look for the evidence that I am the one who's in the wrong; I find this really clears up my thinking. It is sooooo easy sometimes to forget how horrible and painful being in a realtionship with him was; but in reality I was being destroyed. If an alcoholic doesn't first arrest his/her drinking, then nothing else will have a chance of changing. Stay strong.