testing
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 281
For now I'll use this... just so I can finally get something posted. I will keep trying to post a new thread... this is quite frustrated... UGH!
Hello Friends.
The last I was here was to celebrate my 1 year sobriety on Oct 20th.
On Oct 30, I was pregnant and we were going in for our 12 week Ultra sound. As soon as I looked at the screen my world as I knew it came crashing down. Our baby had stopped growing at 10 weeks, right after we heard the heartbeat. Devastation isn't even the word to express how I felt... a complete loss of words really. I was able to get a D&C that very day to remove the baby.
A year of sobriety in my pocket, and yet after this loss the first thing I thought of was I wanted to drink. Somehow, the strength I had for over a year was blinded by my need to mask the pain that i was feeling. It's so sad how quickly the alcoholic brain takes over. I didn't drink right away, though I wanted to... Nov 6 I had my first glass of wine, home with DH watching a movie. I got tipsy... I liked it. All of a sudden I'm thinking... Oh I can do this... I can drink, I'll be fine. From that sip on, all I thought about was when I would drink next. Every day I woke up... am I gonna drink tonight? All the while trying to convince myself, I'm fine... I'm just thinking that way because I hadn't drank in so long. Nov 13 (last Friday) I went out with my DH for some drinks and apps.. had a good time, had 4 glasses of wine, got drunk. Next day woke up, feeling a little hungover... I thought, oh I didn't miss this at all. Later that day, I thought... hmmm are we gonna drink again tonight? We didn't, only because DH wasn't. Sunday, from the time I woke up I knew I was gonna get drunk. I wanted to get drunk... once everyone came over to watch the games I poured myself my first glass of wine. I was in a sad mood... I knew what my number one mission was. I got very drunk... I don't remember anything after 6... DH said I was slurring badly, and I was up in bed by 730 passing out. Monday Nov 16, I woke up at 3am knowing right away that I made a very big mistake, knowing right then and there that I AM AN ALCOHOLIC and my mind tricked me because of the sadness I felt after the loss of our baby. I woke up for the day and decided to hop back on that wagon and dedicate my life to being clean and sober again!
What am I gonna do differently this time? I have decided to go to AA... which I did not do the last time... SR was my #1 help. I know I need more this time. I have a friend that I am going with to my first meeting this weekend. I'm really looking forward to it.
We found out the baby had 1-5 chance of having Trisomy, which is a type of down syndrome. It was a blessing in disguise... I understand that everything happens for a reason. I'm slowly healing... day by day it gets easier to cope with the loss.
Thanks for letting me share!!
Shannon
Hello Friends.
The last I was here was to celebrate my 1 year sobriety on Oct 20th.
On Oct 30, I was pregnant and we were going in for our 12 week Ultra sound. As soon as I looked at the screen my world as I knew it came crashing down. Our baby had stopped growing at 10 weeks, right after we heard the heartbeat. Devastation isn't even the word to express how I felt... a complete loss of words really. I was able to get a D&C that very day to remove the baby.
A year of sobriety in my pocket, and yet after this loss the first thing I thought of was I wanted to drink. Somehow, the strength I had for over a year was blinded by my need to mask the pain that i was feeling. It's so sad how quickly the alcoholic brain takes over. I didn't drink right away, though I wanted to... Nov 6 I had my first glass of wine, home with DH watching a movie. I got tipsy... I liked it. All of a sudden I'm thinking... Oh I can do this... I can drink, I'll be fine. From that sip on, all I thought about was when I would drink next. Every day I woke up... am I gonna drink tonight? All the while trying to convince myself, I'm fine... I'm just thinking that way because I hadn't drank in so long. Nov 13 (last Friday) I went out with my DH for some drinks and apps.. had a good time, had 4 glasses of wine, got drunk. Next day woke up, feeling a little hungover... I thought, oh I didn't miss this at all. Later that day, I thought... hmmm are we gonna drink again tonight? We didn't, only because DH wasn't. Sunday, from the time I woke up I knew I was gonna get drunk. I wanted to get drunk... once everyone came over to watch the games I poured myself my first glass of wine. I was in a sad mood... I knew what my number one mission was. I got very drunk... I don't remember anything after 6... DH said I was slurring badly, and I was up in bed by 730 passing out. Monday Nov 16, I woke up at 3am knowing right away that I made a very big mistake, knowing right then and there that I AM AN ALCOHOLIC and my mind tricked me because of the sadness I felt after the loss of our baby. I woke up for the day and decided to hop back on that wagon and dedicate my life to being clean and sober again!
What am I gonna do differently this time? I have decided to go to AA... which I did not do the last time... SR was my #1 help. I know I need more this time. I have a friend that I am going with to my first meeting this weekend. I'm really looking forward to it.
We found out the baby had 1-5 chance of having Trisomy, which is a type of down syndrome. It was a blessing in disguise... I understand that everything happens for a reason. I'm slowly healing... day by day it gets easier to cope with the loss.
Thanks for letting me share!!
Shannon
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hi, Thanks for posting. I remember your post on your 1year anniversary well and I commented on it and how great it was that you had made 1 year and posted about it on your original thread.
I think the AA meetings are a wise move.
Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. That will never change. I cannot begin to imagine the sadness of your loss but be proud/gratefull that you are in a position to be able to get back to sobriety before any great harm is done.
You should be proud of the 1 year sober that you managed to achieve and by adding other tools to your sobriety armoury then hopefully you shopuld be OK.
Thanks for posting. peace and love xxxxx
I think the AA meetings are a wise move.
Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. That will never change. I cannot begin to imagine the sadness of your loss but be proud/gratefull that you are in a position to be able to get back to sobriety before any great harm is done.
You should be proud of the 1 year sober that you managed to achieve and by adding other tools to your sobriety armoury then hopefully you shopuld be OK.
Thanks for posting. peace and love xxxxx
being me
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 252
Hey Shannon - good for you posting and reaching out. I am so sorry for your loss. I am very glad that you know just how much you want to be sober and are taking the right steps to get there. Hugs to you!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
I'm sorry for your loss Shannon.
I'm glad you're making the right moves to get back on track.
Thread titles are problematic at the moment - try using one letter as your title, then when it posts, use the edit button to change your title.
D
I'm glad you're making the right moves to get back on track.
Thread titles are problematic at the moment - try using one letter as your title, then when it posts, use the edit button to change your title.
D
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