Hi new here
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1
Hi new here
Im not sure how to say this, but i guess Im looking for some guidiance.
I've been drinking since I was 17, Im 23 now and I think I have a real problem. The first time I drank was with friends, I had a great time, I felt good and free and open. I was always shy before this, I had difficulty relating to people, but drinking seemed to open me up. The problems seemed to start from it immediately though. After that every time I went out with friends I wanted to drink. At that time my friends just did it occasionally, but it seemed if I was around I would find a source for booze and end up acting drunk, while all my friends were sober. Shortly after I started smoking weed and and taking pills. Looking back I see I alienated everyone close to me,at the time I just thought they were stuck up. When I turned nineteen I got a crappy apartment downtown and started community college, it went well for the first month or so, then i started drinking and smoking every night, I flunked all my classes and went through three jobs that semester. At one point, being underaged, I tried to get some local bum I knew to buy me some booze. A crackhead saw the money and attacked me for it, putting me in the hospital. I still havent done anything about the $6000 bill I owe for it. My dad loaned me a car while i was staying there, which I wrecked twice. When my lease expired I moved back in with my parents. I hooked up with some random person a month later and rented a room in his condo. Once again I drank so much I lost another job, I had no way to pay him the rent that month, but I just kept drinking all the time. the weekend the rent was due I took some fentanyl (an extremely powerful opiate) and drank a fifth of vodka. Feeling like I was a complete failure I tried to throw myself off of a bridge. I couldnt do it. I spent the following week sad as hell, drinking and taking pills all the time, and when the day came to pay I threw all my **** on my car and drove off without a word. That was my first wake up call, I started working again, made good money, got an apartment and didnt touch anything for three months. My job was in apartment maintenence and doing a turnover one day, I found the previous tenant had left a case of beer. I took it home and knocked it back. I started hanging out with people who drank again. Before long I was back to getting ****** up all the time and lost yet another job. To make a long story short it was the same cycle all over. I lost my job and everything else. I stopped drinking for a while and pulled it back together. The next time I started drinking I totalled a car I just bought. Straightened out, but ended up doing it again. now Im out a job yet again, in huge amounts of debt, but still every night I drink myself to sleep. I hide it from everyone, at this point Im somewhat good at it. I dont even like the taste, and the feeling isnt even enjoyable, but i still do it. it doesnt help that most all I'll my close friends drink to a point, and if there doing it I start and just keep pushing it. I hate this so much, but the minute I have a chance I go for it. I dont know what to do, or who to turn to, Im depressed and feel like i've messed everything up so much now I dont have anything left. I want to just die and be done with it. Im not suicidal, but I hate my life so much now...
I don't know why Im writing this. I guess I just feel I need to share with someone.
I've been drinking since I was 17, Im 23 now and I think I have a real problem. The first time I drank was with friends, I had a great time, I felt good and free and open. I was always shy before this, I had difficulty relating to people, but drinking seemed to open me up. The problems seemed to start from it immediately though. After that every time I went out with friends I wanted to drink. At that time my friends just did it occasionally, but it seemed if I was around I would find a source for booze and end up acting drunk, while all my friends were sober. Shortly after I started smoking weed and and taking pills. Looking back I see I alienated everyone close to me,at the time I just thought they were stuck up. When I turned nineteen I got a crappy apartment downtown and started community college, it went well for the first month or so, then i started drinking and smoking every night, I flunked all my classes and went through three jobs that semester. At one point, being underaged, I tried to get some local bum I knew to buy me some booze. A crackhead saw the money and attacked me for it, putting me in the hospital. I still havent done anything about the $6000 bill I owe for it. My dad loaned me a car while i was staying there, which I wrecked twice. When my lease expired I moved back in with my parents. I hooked up with some random person a month later and rented a room in his condo. Once again I drank so much I lost another job, I had no way to pay him the rent that month, but I just kept drinking all the time. the weekend the rent was due I took some fentanyl (an extremely powerful opiate) and drank a fifth of vodka. Feeling like I was a complete failure I tried to throw myself off of a bridge. I couldnt do it. I spent the following week sad as hell, drinking and taking pills all the time, and when the day came to pay I threw all my **** on my car and drove off without a word. That was my first wake up call, I started working again, made good money, got an apartment and didnt touch anything for three months. My job was in apartment maintenence and doing a turnover one day, I found the previous tenant had left a case of beer. I took it home and knocked it back. I started hanging out with people who drank again. Before long I was back to getting ****** up all the time and lost yet another job. To make a long story short it was the same cycle all over. I lost my job and everything else. I stopped drinking for a while and pulled it back together. The next time I started drinking I totalled a car I just bought. Straightened out, but ended up doing it again. now Im out a job yet again, in huge amounts of debt, but still every night I drink myself to sleep. I hide it from everyone, at this point Im somewhat good at it. I dont even like the taste, and the feeling isnt even enjoyable, but i still do it. it doesnt help that most all I'll my close friends drink to a point, and if there doing it I start and just keep pushing it. I hate this so much, but the minute I have a chance I go for it. I dont know what to do, or who to turn to, Im depressed and feel like i've messed everything up so much now I dont have anything left. I want to just die and be done with it. Im not suicidal, but I hate my life so much now...
I don't know why Im writing this. I guess I just feel I need to share with someone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Chepstow
Posts: 359
Jbuck, I have a similar list of catastophes throughout my drinking career; plus some time in jail, kicked out teeth, and a lot of hurt people including my children whom I've not seen in seven years; probably some other stuff too.
This disease, in my expererience is progressive; as time goes on it gets worse. So after a fair bit of suffering and trying to stop drinking via help from my doctor and a therapist; which failed; I finally managed to stop drinking on April 27th this year through the programme and fellowship of AA and my whole attitude to life has changed.
I've now come down from what some people call the 'Pink Cloud' (a euphoric feeling when you stop drinking and feel good about it) and have settled into a calmer, easier way of living. Many of my accumulated problems have almost disapeared just by working the programme; particularly my financial ones.
Its strange really, because when I first read the 'Big Book' (the basic text book of Alcoholics Anonymous) I thought it was pure madness; but I was beaten enough to give it a go. I went on trust, I could see AA worked for others in my group, and I put a lot of effort in; this effort initially stopped me from picking up a drink - I had something else to obsess about rather than alcohol - and while working the programme, sometime around Step 5 (there's 12 Steps to this programme), my obsession to drink had been removed. I kid you not.
As a by-product, other changes took place inside of me; nothing radical; but enough for those still close to me to notice that I had changed for the better.
Life's good these days; I can't recommend AA enough; particularly the programme!
Good luck, fella!
This disease, in my expererience is progressive; as time goes on it gets worse. So after a fair bit of suffering and trying to stop drinking via help from my doctor and a therapist; which failed; I finally managed to stop drinking on April 27th this year through the programme and fellowship of AA and my whole attitude to life has changed.
I've now come down from what some people call the 'Pink Cloud' (a euphoric feeling when you stop drinking and feel good about it) and have settled into a calmer, easier way of living. Many of my accumulated problems have almost disapeared just by working the programme; particularly my financial ones.
Its strange really, because when I first read the 'Big Book' (the basic text book of Alcoholics Anonymous) I thought it was pure madness; but I was beaten enough to give it a go. I went on trust, I could see AA worked for others in my group, and I put a lot of effort in; this effort initially stopped me from picking up a drink - I had something else to obsess about rather than alcohol - and while working the programme, sometime around Step 5 (there's 12 Steps to this programme), my obsession to drink had been removed. I kid you not.
As a by-product, other changes took place inside of me; nothing radical; but enough for those still close to me to notice that I had changed for the better.
Life's good these days; I can't recommend AA enough; particularly the programme!
Good luck, fella!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Hi Jbuck
You're definitely not alone with your story - it has some very familiar elements in it for me -drinking seemed to solve some stuff but almost immediately bought new problems - and then didn't fix anything anymore....drinking to unconcsiousness...losing jobs, alienating people...finding new friends who drink like I do...
I ended up drinking all day every day...but I got out.
It's not easy and it's not fun, but there's lots of people here who've managed it.
The first thing to do is stop drinking - but please see a Dr before you do anything else because detox can be dangerous.
You'll find a lot of support here, and there's lot of face to face support systems around to help you stay stopped too - keep reading and posting....find something you like the sound of...and work it Jbuck.
Your life really does depend on it, y'know?
Welcome!
D
You're definitely not alone with your story - it has some very familiar elements in it for me -drinking seemed to solve some stuff but almost immediately bought new problems - and then didn't fix anything anymore....drinking to unconcsiousness...losing jobs, alienating people...finding new friends who drink like I do...
I ended up drinking all day every day...but I got out.
It's not easy and it's not fun, but there's lots of people here who've managed it.
The first thing to do is stop drinking - but please see a Dr before you do anything else because detox can be dangerous.
You'll find a lot of support here, and there's lot of face to face support systems around to help you stay stopped too - keep reading and posting....find something you like the sound of...and work it Jbuck.
Your life really does depend on it, y'know?
Welcome!
D
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