Please welcome iloveme
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: too close to the fire
Posts: 173
Please welcome iloveme
Hi, I would like to mention that I have been married to two drinkers, dad was and mom died when i was five. I create my childhood chaos because it is familiar and getting healthy quite honestly scares me to death........ I know my fiance loves me the only way he can but for him the bottle matters more.. He doesn't seem to see the relavance..... I don't think I can live with out him somedays........My whole day is consumed by "keeping him HAPPY" please help because he is in another state and tells me he has NO time to talk and when he does he makes small talk and that is for me devastating.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: too close to the fire
Posts: 173
I need to mention that he just lost his father, tradgically. I must be sooooo selfish. He and I are sick but trouble is his sickness doesn't require ME to heal........ and for me I feel best when HE is drinking.........Will someone help please.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((iloveme))) - welcome to SR!!
Though you can post in any forum, if you post in the friends and families of alcoholics, you will find many, many people who are very familiar with what you are going through. I will see if I can get someone to move your thread over there for you, okay? I just want to make sure everyone sees it and you get responses from the people who can give you the help and support you need.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Though you can post in any forum, if you post in the friends and families of alcoholics, you will find many, many people who are very familiar with what you are going through. I will see if I can get someone to move your thread over there for you, okay? I just want to make sure everyone sees it and you get responses from the people who can give you the help and support you need.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family - iloveme!
I love your screen identity! "I love me" is such a positive affirmation.
I recommend wrapping your arms around yourself and repeating "I love me" many, many times each and everyday. Especially first thing in the morning.
I'm sorry that your fiance is addicted to alcohol. You are correct in stating that alcohol means more to him than you do. Alcohol becomes the priority in an alcoholics life. Please remember the the C's of addiction:
You did not cause it
You can not control it
You will not cure it
You have come to an excellent forum for support and understanding. There is a lot of wisdom here, too.
These are some steps that have helped me. I read and post here almost daily, I attend Al-anon meetings, and I read self-help books. Some of the books that have helped me are:
"Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie
"You can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay
Please make yourself at home by posting and reading as needed! ((hugs))
I love your screen identity! "I love me" is such a positive affirmation.
I recommend wrapping your arms around yourself and repeating "I love me" many, many times each and everyday. Especially first thing in the morning.
I'm sorry that your fiance is addicted to alcohol. You are correct in stating that alcohol means more to him than you do. Alcohol becomes the priority in an alcoholics life. Please remember the the C's of addiction:
You did not cause it
You can not control it
You will not cure it
You have come to an excellent forum for support and understanding. There is a lot of wisdom here, too.
These are some steps that have helped me. I read and post here almost daily, I attend Al-anon meetings, and I read self-help books. Some of the books that have helped me are:
"Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie
"You can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay
Please make yourself at home by posting and reading as needed! ((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Welcome iloveme!
You are among friends here who understand what it is like to live in a love triangle.
You love him, he loves his bottle, and his bottle needs you to keep his addiction alive.
Without you in the equation, or another enabler/supporter for that matter, any time your loved one gets close to his bottom and the bottle risks losing him to death or sobriety, having someone in the love triangle helps soften that blow and often reverses it so the cycle can continue.
There were many times my XABF could have hit bottom in our 10+ year relationship, but I was always there to stop that from happening by my own need to save him. He kept drinking, I kept begging him to stop, and the bottle always won.
I'm so sorry for the reasons you are here, but I am so glad you have found us.
Keep posting and sharing!
Alice
You are among friends here who understand what it is like to live in a love triangle.
You love him, he loves his bottle, and his bottle needs you to keep his addiction alive.
Without you in the equation, or another enabler/supporter for that matter, any time your loved one gets close to his bottom and the bottle risks losing him to death or sobriety, having someone in the love triangle helps soften that blow and often reverses it so the cycle can continue.
There were many times my XABF could have hit bottom in our 10+ year relationship, but I was always there to stop that from happening by my own need to save him. He kept drinking, I kept begging him to stop, and the bottle always won.
I'm so sorry for the reasons you are here, but I am so glad you have found us.
Keep posting and sharing!
Alice
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