jehnifer

Hello friends.

I have been in marriage therapy with my husband and it has been extremely beneficial - primarily becasue we both share what's on our hearts and minds openly without fear of reaction from the other person. The counseling gives up helpful tools. So things have been going along pretty good. He has owned u to "his part" in things which has eben the best part of all of this.

But last weekend I decided to go camping with my firend. My husband didnt want to go. When I returned he was very moody and cold toward me, and woudlnp't talk to me - didnt ask me how was the trip or anything. I asked What's worng? He said he was bored and felt empty didnt know what to do with himself while I was gone. (I think deep down he was resentful and jealous). That's really too bad. He said a day later that his coldness toward me the day before wasn't that he was mad at me but there were stresses at work. But this is after I took it onthat he was upset with me. Meanwhile my teenage daughter is going through some stuff - stressed about school and friends and I try so hard to be there for her, listen and provide support.

So this morning I was talking to my husband about my daughter and he said to me, No offense but you seem to worry so much about us and take it on, but when we reach out to you, you don't seem to be there in the way that we want you to be. It's just not something you're too good at... WTF? I resent the hell out of the insenuation that I am not doing it the right way or am not enough for him.

He is telling me that he's not getting what he wants/needs from me, while at the same time I am feeling so overaly used and beaten up. The reason I am writing to you is to say that I feel fedup for worrying and trying to help others. I am shutting down. This is the second day I am teary at work - I had to leave in the middle of the day yesterday and go home because I could not stop crying.

Cowgirl1265

**********{Jehn}}}}}}

It sounds like he is focusing on YOU and YOUR inventory rather than be honest about himself and his own feelings and reactions. This sounds like something you can bring up in your next counseling session and work through. I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now.

Buffalo66

YOu can write this down. Take to counseling and address it there. When I was in regular counseling that is what I would do. I would put it in a container and take it there. That way I was able to function in everyday things. Just an idea. Put it aside. They are only his thoughts, and only his thoughts for that moment. They are not things that you need to contend with as TRUTHS.

Calm yourself, and remember that you are human and you are doing the best that you can. And remind yourself that you have done pretty darn good. Just suspend his judgement, until you can work it out in therapy. There may be some truth to it, but you deserve to be able to give it full attention with a mediator.

jehnifer

Ok Am printing this out and trying to set aside the feelings of being insulted! It is my belief that people in my life have very high expectations of me - the problem solver, etc - and then come up disappointed when I fall short of meeting their needs - and they actually get mad at me! So...how do I re-set their expectations?

thank you.