it's our 2 year anniversary...
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: east siiiide
Posts: 254
it's our 2 year anniversary...
Today is my 2 year anniversary with my husband. Yesterday he drank all day, I got home and he was clearly drunk at 5 pm, whereas usually he's just 'drinking'.
He was being obnoxious so I took my dinner to another part of the house. He spilled wine all over the couch, the dog, and the pillows. Managed to clean it up mostly, except for the dog. I didn't offer to help him clean it.. He came upstairs and gave me an earful. I asked him to close the door and leave me alone. He told me he was kicking me out of the bedroom, that I could sleep in the office instead. That he was tired of sleeping on the couch (his choice, he said it was because he was sick but probably because he could get up and drink in the middle of the night). I said I never made you sleep on the couch, he said I know that but I"m MAKING you leave the bedroom, you are not to come into MY bedroom at any point tonight. Do you understand?
I told him to leave the room. He then laughed manaically and told me I could sleep on the office chair, because that's what I deserved. I did not engage. I shut the door.
He went downstairs and I heard it get quiet, this was around 8 pm. I went down a few minutes later and he was passed out face down on the couch. This is worse than ever.
But today is our 2 year anniversary, and I never thought I could feel so emotionless. I know he didn't know it was our anniversary until he woke up and signed online and his mom had 'happy anniversary' as her away message. He then searched his email to find out if this was the date we were married (courthouse, we had a public wedding much later on). This morning he threw it in my face too, as he angrily stomped around demanding that I put my paycheck into our joint account before he would deposit his check that he's had for 2 weeks now. He was being unreasonable, angry, mean, and really kinda crazy. I just told him enough was enough, I didn't want to hear anymore, there were too many lies and I don't like that he's treating our finances and our relationship like a game. It's not a game..
I went and got showered and went to work. He called with a possibly made up story about hitting another car in a parking lot that was parked. I think he wanted money because he blew through his and won't admit it. Then he sent his mom an email for the first time in months, probably because he wants her to send him money to cover for whatever he spent it on. He won't just answer a question. I don't care anymore, I mean nothing makes sense anymore.
It's just really sad that this is our anniversary.. and this is what I've got. I should be happily celebrating, we should have cards or a gift for each other, we should be thinking back over all the good times we've shared and planning our future together. We should be having a beautiful dinner together or doing something romantic. But.. well that's not what I got. It is what it is.. and it's not okay, I know I deserve better.
But still.. it's our anniversary, and it sucks. For a split second I had a pang of guilt that I didn't have a card and hadn't planned to do ANYTHING and still am not planning to do anything, not even wish him a happy anniversary (because I know those words would be sarcastic)... but then it passed. That's sad too that the guilt was fleeting, but probably a good thing. I'm sorry he's not getting help for his problems. But I'm really tired of him grasping desperately for straws and one lie to cover another lie to cover a mistake and now probably asking his mother to bail him out.
I was really going to call that lawyer today, but I am going to give myself till tomorrow or the next day. I am handling this anniversary thing pretty well, but I think that would be pushing it for my emotional capacity.
He was being obnoxious so I took my dinner to another part of the house. He spilled wine all over the couch, the dog, and the pillows. Managed to clean it up mostly, except for the dog. I didn't offer to help him clean it.. He came upstairs and gave me an earful. I asked him to close the door and leave me alone. He told me he was kicking me out of the bedroom, that I could sleep in the office instead. That he was tired of sleeping on the couch (his choice, he said it was because he was sick but probably because he could get up and drink in the middle of the night). I said I never made you sleep on the couch, he said I know that but I"m MAKING you leave the bedroom, you are not to come into MY bedroom at any point tonight. Do you understand?
I told him to leave the room. He then laughed manaically and told me I could sleep on the office chair, because that's what I deserved. I did not engage. I shut the door.
He went downstairs and I heard it get quiet, this was around 8 pm. I went down a few minutes later and he was passed out face down on the couch. This is worse than ever.
But today is our 2 year anniversary, and I never thought I could feel so emotionless. I know he didn't know it was our anniversary until he woke up and signed online and his mom had 'happy anniversary' as her away message. He then searched his email to find out if this was the date we were married (courthouse, we had a public wedding much later on). This morning he threw it in my face too, as he angrily stomped around demanding that I put my paycheck into our joint account before he would deposit his check that he's had for 2 weeks now. He was being unreasonable, angry, mean, and really kinda crazy. I just told him enough was enough, I didn't want to hear anymore, there were too many lies and I don't like that he's treating our finances and our relationship like a game. It's not a game..
I went and got showered and went to work. He called with a possibly made up story about hitting another car in a parking lot that was parked. I think he wanted money because he blew through his and won't admit it. Then he sent his mom an email for the first time in months, probably because he wants her to send him money to cover for whatever he spent it on. He won't just answer a question. I don't care anymore, I mean nothing makes sense anymore.
It's just really sad that this is our anniversary.. and this is what I've got. I should be happily celebrating, we should have cards or a gift for each other, we should be thinking back over all the good times we've shared and planning our future together. We should be having a beautiful dinner together or doing something romantic. But.. well that's not what I got. It is what it is.. and it's not okay, I know I deserve better.
But still.. it's our anniversary, and it sucks. For a split second I had a pang of guilt that I didn't have a card and hadn't planned to do ANYTHING and still am not planning to do anything, not even wish him a happy anniversary (because I know those words would be sarcastic)... but then it passed. That's sad too that the guilt was fleeting, but probably a good thing. I'm sorry he's not getting help for his problems. But I'm really tired of him grasping desperately for straws and one lie to cover another lie to cover a mistake and now probably asking his mother to bail him out.
I was really going to call that lawyer today, but I am going to give myself till tomorrow or the next day. I am handling this anniversary thing pretty well, but I think that would be pushing it for my emotional capacity.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
(((((((((honoryourself))))))))))
sorry for your "saddy" anniversary. :-(
someday soon you will be celebrating your own little anniversaries - of courageous decisions and momentous changes....maybe do something nice for yourself tonight...show yourself some loving kindness!
peace-
B
sorry for your "saddy" anniversary. :-(
someday soon you will be celebrating your own little anniversaries - of courageous decisions and momentous changes....maybe do something nice for yourself tonight...show yourself some loving kindness!
peace-
B
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: east siiiide
Posts: 254
Yeah, I didn't expect anything, we are at eachother's throats. So he hit a car, skipped work, asked his mom for 1200 dollars which she is sending him from abroad now with the promise that she will never tell me, he made her promise it was untraceable. She asked him if he was paying bills with it and he said of course. He hasn't admitted it though I asked him if he asked his mom for money and he swears he didn't. Then he told me since I wasn't putting OUR money (my paycheck) in the joint account, he wouldn't be contributing either, and it was all my fault. He said he was going clothes shopping. So I guess he is paying off debts to his friends or buying clothes or whatever it is with the money she's sending him. Great.
Today he didn't get ready for work (guess he had to get to western union) and I asked if he was going in, he said he was. He also said he went in yesterday but I know for a fact he didn't. So that's 4 days out of the past week that he has / is skipping work. Sounds like a great way to make money when you're on commission... yet he still says he has NO TIME to do housework or cleaning or run errands because he works so hard... apparently I'm supposed to work full time, pay for everything, do all teh cleaning and yardwork. I guess *I* have time..
So he sent an email to his boss today to tell him he was staying home to go to therapy and take care of financial matters. I'm concerned. I hadn't locked down my credit cards now.. . I didn't think he'd use them because they are so run up already, and they were low APR balance transfer cards. I think I need to call them now. I don't trust that man as far as I can throw him. I half expected him totry to make nice now that he had money from his mom coming in so he could act like all my fears of him blowin 1k in 1 week on himself were just my psychosis. Then he would be like A HA see , I've had my money all along I didn't spend it. But he's just being nuts as usual.
I called the lawyer again today but it's so busy at work I doubt I will have a chance to talk to him. I think I need to take a day off and do that.
As soon as I make an appointment.
UG!
Today he didn't get ready for work (guess he had to get to western union) and I asked if he was going in, he said he was. He also said he went in yesterday but I know for a fact he didn't. So that's 4 days out of the past week that he has / is skipping work. Sounds like a great way to make money when you're on commission... yet he still says he has NO TIME to do housework or cleaning or run errands because he works so hard... apparently I'm supposed to work full time, pay for everything, do all teh cleaning and yardwork. I guess *I* have time..
So he sent an email to his boss today to tell him he was staying home to go to therapy and take care of financial matters. I'm concerned. I hadn't locked down my credit cards now.. . I didn't think he'd use them because they are so run up already, and they were low APR balance transfer cards. I think I need to call them now. I don't trust that man as far as I can throw him. I half expected him totry to make nice now that he had money from his mom coming in so he could act like all my fears of him blowin 1k in 1 week on himself were just my psychosis. Then he would be like A HA see , I've had my money all along I didn't spend it. But he's just being nuts as usual.
I called the lawyer again today but it's so busy at work I doubt I will have a chance to talk to him. I think I need to take a day off and do that.
As soon as I make an appointment.
UG!
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